Storms: The Deep Breath

Photo: Ryan Moreno

We've made it. The storm has passed. Typically, this is the time when we assess if there's any major or minor damage, determine our next steps and start moving forward. But, before fully jumping into the post-storm endeavors, please join me in taking a deep breath. 

When it comes to our post-storm health, I've found how it can be easy to get back into "normal" life without taking actual stock of how we're really doing. Wanting to put the storm behind us, we may rush ahead to wrap it up. We're usually attuned to realities in our environments, including the people around us and tasks that need to get done, but... What about the toll the storm took on our bodies, minds, and emotions?

In the days that followed Irma, those I encountered here in Orlando were tired and ready for our power to return. Slowly but surely, it did. Still, debris lined the streets (and currently does, actually) and I began to observe a shift in dialogue on social platforms as basic needs were met again. Most of the questions and concerns posted in my neighborhood group were about eradicating the memories of the storm by ensuring debris was quickly picked up from the curbs. The city, working hard to perform a myriad of tasks post-storm, encouraged us to notice that 4.5 months-worth of yard debris awaited pick-up by trucks that had limitations with workers who were already working deeply into overtime. That news was likely very unwelcome to some.

Just a few days prior to the storm, I'd booked a trip to Colorado and after a week post-Irma hopped on a plane headed westbound. My trip provided me with space and time to reflect. I had no idea how much I needed both. Given that life had mostly returned to "normal," I was amazed by how tired I was when I arrived. I spent no less than the first two full days of my trip in PJ's. Every time I thought of getting some work done, I opted to watch another old episode of Monk. (Anyone else out there who loves him??) 

The fatigue pointed to a larger perspective on the storm. My body wasn't ready to rush ahead. The achy, tired physical part of me was saying, "Hey there, stop for a while. Rest. Recover. You've just been through a big ordeal." But, the logical part of me was like, "That's over... You've gotten behind on all of the things! Time to get back to work!"

My Mom encouraged the rest. I felt like, "Are you crazy? Didn't I just get rest when everything shut down for a few days?" I may have also said something along these lines to her while omitting anything to do with crazy... You can see that it took me a while to take a deep breath, yes? But, she was right. My body was right. Even though we didn't experience the worst of the storm, everything leading up to it and the process of going through it meant something. Even if we didn't lose people or property, we lost productivity, some forms of connection, comfort, structure... And, our bodies needed time to grieve our losses.

Culturally, we're not very proficient in grief. We tend to move through it quickly and without much thought. This is a generalization, of course, but I have found it true in my experience with loss. We often don't identify our minor losses as pieces of death that we need to grieve, but we experience the fruit of burying them without gazing upon the face of what we lost. Agitation, impatience, anger, sadness, numbness, denial, exhaustion... Each of these showed up in post-Irma Orlando. I saw it on the roads, in the grocery stores, and in my newsfeed. What if we all took a collective deep breath, though? What would we notice? 

After soaking in 50 degree days and mountain air, I returned to Orlando. In the week or so since, I've taken a freshly infused joy in seeing the debris piled high on the curbs of my neighborhood. It's a reminder that it's okay to still feel the loss of control and comfort. It's okay to be tired right now. It's okay to take the days as they come and work hard but press more fully into rest. Browned leaves and tree branches remind me of those who have lost more than I have, too. I'm remembering how my love and time and resources are needed by others who are experiencing profound loss and need some hope. I'm not wishing the grief away today. I'm taking a deep breath and remembering what is important, what I need and who I am after seeing how I encountered my small losses.

And in the days to come, I'll focus on wrapping up this experience of loss. But for now, join me in taking a deep breath. The storm has passed. We are standing. Let's be willing to notice what it all feels like. Stay here for a while, won't you? Write, paint, draw, create a spreadsheet, share with a friend—be yourself—and employ your creativity to capture what it's like here.

Storms: Healthy and Hopeful

The calm before the storm has settled in and we've surrendered to the reality that it's coming. We have an important choice to make now. How will we weather it? The truth is, the only way beyond this storm is through it. Facing the storm and all that it triggers inside of us presents us with opportunities to grow and change. But, what does it look like to move through the storm in health?

Yesterday, I had the privilege of seeing and learning from one of my mentors at a training he was facilitating. Right before I left, he offered this bit of wisdom to the participants: "All transformation begins with personal transformation." I allowed his words to soak in again. I've heard them before and I genuinely need to hear them often because this truth is intricately connected to how we weather life's storms in health.

We will only move forward to the extent that we are willing to look at the unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that exist in our lives in order to address them. Often, storms trigger symptoms of the root beliefs that keep us imprisoned in unhealthy patterns and habits. While many of us may be unaware of the exact triggers, we can begin to notice our behaviors that indicate we're not doing well. For me, I know I'm struggling when I'm...

• ...eating all of the sugar in sight.
• ...peeling my fingernails off (gross, I know!).
• ...having a hard time falling asleep.
• ...starting to become more judgemental towards others and offering less grace.
• ...cleaning my house incessantly.
• ...disconnecting from the people I usually want to spend time with regularly.

And, when two or more of these behaviors are in play, I'm in deep! When I'm able to see this, I have new decisions to make... How will I choose to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing?

Here are some of my personal strategies...

I phone or text or try to grab coffee with a friend. Chances are high that I need relational connection and when I invite a friend to help me process my experience, it typically helps me to gain a greater understanding of the symptoms and my root belief. Plus, it kills isolation and moves me back into community.

Getting out to get some exercise and perspective is another great option for me. Sometimes all it takes to get in touch with my thoughts and feelings is to actively create space to engage them. Being outside is a huge win for me, personally.

The other, more tangible, option to look into the root, is to sit myself down and write out the behavior and consider what I was feeling right before I engaged it. Sometimes, I have to look back over the last few days or the week. Once I identify the feeling or feelings, I look for the thought behind it. I write the thought (or thoughts) out so I can see them in black and white. I ask myself, "Is this true?" It's amazing how many thoughts actually aren't true. Though, often, they have a hint of truth in them which makes them all the easier to believe if I'm not paying attention. I then write the actual truth and practice replacing the old thought with the new thought whenever it comes up.

When I take the time to notice and address my thoughts and feelings, I notice I weather storms very differently. I engage these practices along the way, throughout the stages leading up to the storm, as well. It may feel tiring to consider looking into why we're feeling fear, anxiety, confusion, chaos and the like, but what is the alternative? Allowing these realities to rule us only makes it more difficult to make it through life's storms. But, the truth is, we have to practice and practice requires time and energy. 

Transformation doesn't necessarily happen overnight. Like most experiences in life, it is a process. But, the sooner we say "yes," the sooner we will experience the hardships and challenges in life with more peace and grace. After all, when one storm passes, we can be certain that another will develop on a future horizon—whether soon or distant. While this might be a difficult pill to swallow, we don't have to dread the coming storms. We can view them as gateways into deeper understanding, healing, and hope. We can live with positive expectancy—since we made it through the last storm, we have what it takes to weather this one, as well. And hopefully, we'll do so without befriending the things that steal life from us... 

So...

• How might you practice today? Whether you are in a storm, see one approaching on the horizon or are storm-less... Today is a good day to begin more deeply engaging your transformational process.
• What habits indicate you're in stress? If you're unsure, ask a trusted friend, spouse, colleague, or family member what they've noticed about you. The people in our lives often have incredible insight into our behaviors.
• How will you address your stress habits? Write out three ideas that will help you move out of stress when you notice that you're operating in it.

Need help? I'm always here and happy to come alongside you. Here's to weathering storms in health and hope from today forward!

Storms: The Quiet Before

Perhaps you've experienced it, too. The storm is soon upon you, but all around is calm. The flurry of activity required to prepare has ceased and as you look around, you realize you've done all that you can do. Now, you wait.

It's not that the waiting is easy, necessarily. Perhaps there's a tendency inside of you to move back into fear and anxiety, to worry about things you cannot control. The negative "What if's..." that we talked through last week might rear their ugly heads. Maybe you find a place of rest in the waiting. Still, the anticipation of the storm's arrival remains. For me, the calm before the storm has become a place in my life where I take a deep, deep breath.

My neighborhood was eerily quiet the morning before Irma arrived. Throwing on my sneakers, I headed out for a walk to get some fresh air and to see what was happening nearby. The lack of cars on the road was remarkable. The clouds swirled overhead and a notable breeze stirred tree leaves and branches into motion. All was quiet and calm. I relished the peacefulness, honestly. Irma was coming and there wasn't anything else I could do except await her arrival.

I felt so connected to my surroundings, aware of my feelings and alert on my walk that morning. It was like each cell within me was awake, taking notice of every detail. The air was cool and had a slight dampness about it. The construction near my house was put on hold and the tractors sat neatly on the lot ready for their next use. Police helicopters flew overhead capturing information from their bird's eye view, keeping all in check. 

In our culture, we don't often talk about surrender. If we do, it can carry a negative connotation. But I've been learning that as the storm approaches, surrender is one of the greatest postures I can choose. It's why I got out on that walk, actually. I realized that my preparation was complete and there was nothing left for me to do.

In surrender, I recognize what I can and cannot control. I choose not to worry about things that I cannot control. I activate the faith inside of me to tackle the fear I might experience. I rest—I actually choose to lay myself down knowing that all I can do now is ride out the coming storm. I get in touch with what is most important again. I remember that things can be replaced. I remember that I really won't know how it all turns out until the storm passes, but I can choose to weather it well. 

The calm before the storm affords me a wonderful opportunity to be. I get to relax into the quiet. I get to savor the sweetness of the space. Isn't it interesting how in the moments leading up to a storm, we experience a tangible stillness? I honestly believe this stillness exists to heighten our awareness of what's real and what's on the horizon. It's a place where we can see. So often, we do see the scary and the negative. But again, what if we focused on what we have and released what isn't within our grasp?

Last week, I flew out west and along the way I noticed thunderclouds gathering to form a storm. Their peaks were tall and beautiful. Sitting above them from my perch in the plane, I wondered what it would look like if we viewed storms from this vantage point consistently. What if we saw ourselves above them? What if we knew that even at their worst, we have the ability to rise above? We have the ability to choose this perspective in the calm.

So...

• What is the calm before the storm like for you?
• What do you notice about where your thoughts and your energy go?
• Do you find yourself at rest or reengaging with fear and anxiety?
• What would life look like if you viewed yourself above each storm that formed on the horizon? 
• How could this shift in perspective help you?

I'd love to hear your thoughts... 

Storms: Horizons of Hope

In the week or so leading up to Irma, I found it difficult to want to stay connected on social media. Words like catastrophic, monster, and devastating were being used to describe the impending storm. Fear was rising and spread like wildfire as people began to express their growing anxiety. With each new detail offered about the hurricane and the path it might take, preparation, evacuation and the safety of loved ones became a prominent focus. 

Offline, a friend's dad reported watching as a baker was delivering bread to the shelves of a local grocery store when he was rushed by a crowd, who picked the bread out of his hands before he had a chance to complete his work. News reports and social media posts showed stores emptied of water and lines of people waiting for resources that would help them to weather the storm. The perspective continually offered was one of lack—all of the build-up was incredible, honestly. 

It's not that it was a bad idea to stay informed and prepare for the storm. There's so much wisdom in doing what we know to be good and right when we have the means to see the storm on the horizon, after all. Personally, I had to limit my intake of the information and dialogue, though because panic and fear aren't life-giving friends. And, most of the news and the language used was positioned from those mindsets. Getting caught up in it seemed like a trap. 

When counseling and coaching people through fear and anxiety, I encourage them to let their thoughts go into the worst-case scenario. What if that terrible thing DID happen? How would you process through it? What would life become in the aftermath?

The truth is, there were some in our communities who experienced those very things. Our greatest fears about the storm and the damage it might cause became their reality. Perhaps we know these dear ones personally—their loss is unimaginable and we can now come alongside them in it. Perhaps we don't know them personally. While we might feel compassion from a distance, we may also feel thankful that it wasn't us... It's strange and messy to process through these complex experiences of grief and gratitude.

That said, most of us didn't experience our worst-case scenarios and I've been wondering where that leaves us as new storms will certainly emerge on the horizon in the future. Specifically, I wonder: 

• Did fear serve me? How?
• Did anxiety help me? How?
• What decisions did I make that left me without peace and hope as the storm approached?
• At the end of the day, did those decisions make my life better? Did those decisions make life better for the people I love?

I consider the same questions for the storms we are not prepared for in this life. When an unexpected storm is upon us, a different sort of fight or flight response is initiated for survival, but our choice to notice what's happening and live in fear and anxiety remains.   

In the past month or so, I've been adjusting my personal focus to the positive "What If's..."

• What if we make it?
• What if the damage won't be nearly as bad as the projections say?
• What if this is an opportunity for me to care well for the people around me?
• What if I bring peace into this scary situation? 
• What if the worst happens... And, what if this "seeing" is an opportunity for me to reconnect to what's most important right now?

As you look back at your experiences over the past few weeks, then around you to notice the storms you're currently facing, and finally, ahead of you, noticing the storms you see developing on the horizon, I encourage you to take stock of how you're processing through them.

Will you choose to befriend fear, anxiety, and panic?

Or...

Will you choose to befriend peace?

We really can maintain a hopeful view of the storm on the horizon, regardless of the anticipated outcome.

After Irma

Irma came through Orlando in the early hours of Monday morning. I sat in my living room for a time, watching her winds reshape the trees outside and marveled at it all. It was quite a sight to behold and a humbling reminder that storms have a way of adjusting our course. We didn’t receive anything close to the worst of her impact here and still, the damage and debris created in her wake were astounding. It has been a week for survival while seeking to get life back online in the most basic of senses. 

Gratitude has filled my heart as many of us in Central Florida have experienced only minor inconveniences. I’ve been deeply encouraged by those who have served us from near and far—friends and neighbors, linemen and our first responders. But, we’ve all experienced loss nonetheless. Noticing loss and people’s reactions to it this week has been important for me personally. Everyone is processing their experience differently and my compassion has been stirred as I’ve remembered this truth. We’re not a people who are taught to grieve well, after all. We hunker down and then get back to work. This week, much of that work has been sharing resources with friends and neighbors as we all adjust to new, post-storm realities. 

And, while I’ve made several attempts at writing a thoughtful post this week, the truth is that I’m exhausted right now. Instead of forcing myself to capture my many thoughts, I’m choosing to wait and let them simmer a bit. I'll be writing a new series in the coming weeks. We'll talk about the storms of our lives and what it means to weather them well.

For now, I hope you’re safe and feeling cared for today. Whether you’ve experienced Irma or Harvey, are facing wildfires, or dealing with circumstances in your life that feel like one of these storms, you are not alone. You will not always be in survival mode. You can grieve your losses today. And, maybe we all need to take some time to write out what we’ve lost. Engaging in this practice will ensure we do the good work of acknowledging our losses so we can heal. Consider it a good place to start as a way of moving forward...

More soon. xx

Ignite Your Purpose

Sitting at a restaurant surrounded by some of the most wonderful ones who had gathered to celebrate my birthday this past week, a friend leaned over the table and asked:

"What moment or experience stands out as you think about your last year of life?"

Thinking quickly back over the months, I couldn't recall any specific item that stood out above the rest until I remembered this: I finally wrote out my vision, mission and purpose statements. Sharing this response, I felt surprised by how much it has mattered. But in the days since, as I've continued to consider my answer to her question, I've realized how the decision to create clarity on where I'm going has been a nothing short of a game changer for me. 

Back in the summer of 2015, I traveled up to the Northeast for a number of weeks. My time was spent celebrating friends at their wedding, studying and accomplishing research for some of the work I was preparing to step into, and soaking in time with friends in Boston. During my weeks in the city, I set aside a half day at the Boston Public Library—oh, I love it so—to capture my thoughts on where I was headed. Instead of clean statements, I found myself with loads of bullet points that painted a picture of what it would look like when I got where I was going, plus overarching ideas of what my life would become. While this part of the process helped, it still left me lacking genuine clarity.  

Fast forward to winter, 2016-2017. I had been working to tighten up the processes I walk clients through when I realized I still hadn't cleaned up my own focus. This time around, I set aside a full day for a whiteboard session and didn't leave until I captured each of my statements. I vividly remember sitting on a red chair in the empty, low-lit room, whiteboard straight ahead, with tears in my eyes as I absorbed three distinct lines written on that board that outlined what I was made to do and why it mattered. At once, it was as if I had known these truths all along, but hadn't realized them all the same. I don't quite know how to put it into words, but I understood then that this simple act was already showing me what I was to say "Yes" to and what I was to say "No" to, and it felt amazing.

Here's a question I posed on a post yesterday:

What ignites you? 

See, the things that ignite me are likely different than those that stir your passion. When each of us identifies what it is that wakes us up into alertness, tugs at our sense of justice, drives our care or compassion, brings us hope, and motivates us to action we have the ability to change the world. Genuinely. Your life matters. Your purpose matters. Your decision to clarify and live your purpose matters.

This isn't new, it's just a reminder. When we know what we're made for, we have the opportunity to create days and weeks and months and years filled with activities that are focused and filled with intentionality. We don't swirl around not knowing what we're giving our time to and why. Rather, we get up in the morning with clarity on how we are embracing the day ahead and giving our very best within it. 

This past year, I've made countless decisions differently because I've brought clarity to my purpose. I've experienced a newfound freedom to release things I care about in order to invest myself in the things I care MOST about in my days. Do you know the difference between those two realities in your own life? I'll tell you what, it's amazing when we learn it. Because, when we do, we're on the path to making our very BEST contribution. I'll tell you another what, I speak for myself here, but I think it's vital for everyone: You living in your best contribution means the world is a better place for me! And, in kind, when I live my best contribution, I make the world a better place for you!

Imagine every person on the planet doing what they are made to do. We'd all be so much better off... Isn't the simplicity of that astounding?

Yet often, as we've talked about recently, we let the world inform our standards of success and how we arrive there. Instead of buying into a worldview that leaves us both empty and constantly trying to fill up the emptiness, why not take a good look at what brings you life? The road to success and the way your success will matter for all of us begins there. 

Here's the thing, I want you to be WILDLY successful in your life. I want you to be so happy. I want you to live in a way that makes a difference in our world—a world, by the way, that is in need of so much hope and transformation right now. We need YOU to win at being YOU. So, please, please, please... Live on purpose.

If you happen to be standing still in the standstill, like we talked about last week, knowing your purpose can be key in helping you regain your courage and strength while you rest and wait. Don't lose heart. You are valuable. Even if you can't take the next step right now, remember why you're standing there (even if it's only because you're not willing to turn around and go back from whence you came). 

When you're ready to figure out what it looks like to bring clarity to your "Why" please let me make my best contribution by helping you... It brings me so much life to see you own your life and discover why it matters. I feel delighted as I imagine thousands upon thousands of people knowing and living their purpose. It's a beautiful movement that results in a bright future for us all.

Now, while I go do a bit more prep for the arrival of Hurricane Irma (please stay safe, everyone!), you can reach out to me here. 

Stand Still in the Standstill

We sat facing each other in a not-so-busy salad spot. When it was my turn to share, self-professed external processor extraordinaire that I am, I blurted out all the questions and the doubts and the anxiety I'd been feeling. My friend, ever-patient and thoughtful, listened. When I finally took a long breath, she reminded me not to diminish the realities I have been facing, then shared how I'd just expressed what she was feeling in her own process. We laughed. She's as internal as I am external and I genuinely had no idea that her current experience was so closely relating to mine. I wasn't happy with the reality that she was struggling, too, but I sure felt thankful to know I wasn't alone. 

We went on to talk about the challenge to stay the course when faced with the ongoing uncertainties existing within this life in the in-between. She shared how she had recently been wondering what it meant to keep going when she didn't know that she could. I nodded profusely. Who wants to go back, right? But, how does one go forward when you feel like you don't know that you can? Then she offered this powerful realization she had recently:

"What if you just stand still?" 

We both teared up. Wow. What IF you just stand still? 

Standing still might seem terrible. I mean, aren't we supposed to make progress? After all:

Fake it till you make it. 

Don't give up.

Keep going.

At least these are the things I heard when I thought about making an intentional choice to simply stand still. And, there's merit to these thoughts. Sometimes, continuing to move forward through the challenges is the right course.

For instance, when she and I were standing in line to order lunch, I told her how I'm so not into eating salad or any green thing resembling salad right now. (And, I LOVE salad... I really do...) But, sometimes you eat the salad because you know your appetite will eventually catch up with what's good for you when you keep choosing it. When, like me, you're eating all of the sugar in sight (Jessica Bott Stress Behavior 101), there are times when you pull out a big leafy piece of kale from the fridge, wash it and eat it whole; or maybe you suggest that you and your friend meet to have lunch at the salad place, because that's what's good for you even though you don't want it. So, there's that...

But what if you're really at a standstill? What if you don't know that you can keep going, but you KNOW that you really don't want to go back from the place you've just left (or are leaving)? (...even if it would be so much easier just to go back and even if you really could go back.) 

Standing still in the in-between place isn't a declaration of failure. It's like a little pause. From this vantage point, we can swivel our gaze back in the direction from whence we came to remind ourselves that we don't want to go back. We can also look at what's in immediate proximity to us—we can notice what's real right here. Plus, we can continue to look ahead and contemplate where we're going. It's possible that we may just need a little breather to regain our courage and strength to take the next little step.

It's like mountain climbing. One summer a friend and I took a couple R&R days up in Vail after a conference we attended. Vail Mountain has this beautiful trail called Berry Picker and we set out early enough to tackle the climb and enjoy the view from the top before the afternoon thunderstorms would roll in. My life wasn't super great during that season and the 20-25 extra pounds on my body didn't make the experience easy for me. I can't count the number of times I had to stop on an incline to catch my breath, drink water and refocus. There were so many times I wanted to quit. I sent my friend ahead of me so she could enjoy the experience more fully without all of the rest stops. I remember feeling so much shame along the way.

I felt ashamed that I'd let myself grow so unhealthy.

I felt ashamed that I'd held my friend up along the way.

I felt ashamed that I couldn't do something well that used to come so easily for me.

I felt ashamed for feeling ashamed.

Have we talked about what a nasty and terrible "friend" shame is? We'll come back to that in the future. Suffice it to say, it was a hard day.

What I remember now about that experience, though is how I finished the hike. I didn't give up. I was slow and I was exhausted. BUT, when I reached the summit and took in one of my favorite views (as I laid on the ground panting as though my life depended on it, mind you), I felt hope. I experienced beauty. I reconnected with my friend and heard about her experience on the trail. When we took the gondola back down into the Village, I saw what I'd accomplished with fresh perspective. I'd climbed THAT mountain. The one right over there! It just took me a bit longer to summit, is all.

Have you been there?

Are you there now?

So...

Maybe like me, you've cut the tethering cord tying you to the consistent, safe place and you've already leaped from the cliff edge.

Maybe, like the friend I was having lunch with this week, you've lit the fuse and you're waiting for the big "boom" that's to come in the not so distant future.

In either case, maybe you just need to stand still in the standstill. The courage will come. The energy will return. You will regain your strength. You will move forward. When you can.

Instead of a list of questions this week, why not take a few minutes to be quiet. Listen to your heartbeat. Listen to your breath. Get in touch with your thoughts and your feelings. Remind yourself that it's really going to be okay. Somehow, some way, it will be. There is grace and there is mercy for you right here.

Life in the In-Between

Summertime throughout my childhood was marked by make-believe play, tv, drinking pop and afternoon thunderstorms. Mom and Dad both worked, and when we were old enough we were left in the capable hands of ourselves, under the supervision of my older brother. I have so many memories of those summers, but the thunderstorms stand out the most.

Day in and out, thunderheads would form high in the sky above us. The landscape would grow darker and darker as one set of menacing clouds joined another, forming one gigantic storm. The Rockies would change before our eyes, becoming less majestic and more foreboding. Then the thunder would begin with its powerful rumbles signifying the unleashing of the weather upon us. Bolts of lightning would light up the interior of the thunderheads and at times, shoot down beneath the cloud cover to strike where they may.  

Our German Shepherd would fight his way into the house and into the bathroom tub or down into the basement. He and I shared the same sentiment: "Get me out of here!" I'd run to the large window of our walk-out basement, facing the rolling range of the back acreage, to trace the line of clouds as far as my eyes could see to determine whether the familiar circular motion of a funnel cloud was forming or not. I'd watch the colors, hoping they stayed gray, free of the green haze that came from the atmospheric change signaling the possibility of a tornado.

When I caught a glimpse of a low, straight line along the cloud horizon that seemed likely to form a funnel, I'd run the 30 steps to my bedroom and prepare for the worst. Pulling my comforter, stuffed animals, pillows, Bible and a flashlight into my closet, I'd shut myself in and pray. Where were my siblings? I have no idea. I'd lose track of the reality that I wasn't physically alone, somehow. At the end of a storm, I'd resurface and trace the lines in the clouds, once again, to ensure all was safe. Life would go back to normal, on that side of the storm.

Growing older, I noticed how my posture towards these storms changed. In fact, I've grown to love and appreciate thunderstorms. There's something about the build up, the anticipation of the storm. When it comes, there's a release. The atmosphere shifts, often bringing cooler temperatures and a deep sigh. No doubt that storms can create damage, but this truth doesn't diminish the reality that there's something awe-inspiring about them. When they're over, I've seen how I have fresh perspective and appreciation for my life—just as it is.

I've been thinking a lot about storms as they pertain to our lives this week. We're standing in one piece of land for a time, then a storm moves through and gives us the opportunity to reflect on what we want, what we value. The aftermath has this way of revealing what we internalized in the middle of it, in the waiting. We see our lives and the land differently after waiting out a storm. 

Yesterday, a friend shared another metaphor with me— this one, involving archery. She shared how the arrow has to be pulled back to the place of greatest tension before it can be released in order to hit its target. When it's not pulled back far enough, it lacks the momentum required to make it to the bullseye. And, when a person isn't lined up correctly and releases the arrow too soon, it also results in a miss. Tension and timing are everything. 

Often, we don't want to experience the tension, or the storm for that matter. It's uncomfortable to stay put, so maybe we jump in too soon or hide away hoping it'll pass. Maybe we don't embrace the tension to the fullest extent because it's just too hard to stay in it. Mixed metaphors aside, today, I'm encouraging us to stay. 

New "seeing" awaits us on the other side of the storms we face in our lives. Perhaps we have the new ground in clear view, just ahead. Maybe we're wondering what it takes to cross the threshold, but we're experiencing the tension of being pulled back tightly in the waiting. We don't want to release the arrow too soon. We want it to hit the bullseye.

The waiting itself might seem like a storm. But, perhaps things aren't correctly lined up just yet. Wouldn't we rather wait so we might actually hit our target? Waiting can feel unproductive and painful. Believe me when I tell you that I live the reality of this truth regularly. I like to achieve and when I see the green lights in a direction, I'm ready to go. To be held back by a storm, or the appearance of a storm, feels awful. But, then I remember the beautiful aftermath... 

The air clears, there's a fresh vitality to the land and all of that build up created space for a wonderful release. Each time I take a step forward from this place, I really do experience gratitude—it's cultivated in me through the process. I find myself saying, "If only I had known..." 

So today, I remind you that you do know. You've been here before and you made it. It's not that you didn't struggle or that you walked away without being affected by the experience, but you lived. I think that's the point.

Life is full of tension and storms. What matters is our view of them and what we allow them to accomplish in us. We cannot take new ground in our lives without this tension and without the storms. They actually show us what we're made of and give us the opportunity to authentically live from that place by showing us what we really, really want. Not only that, but they reveal who we really are at the core.

So...

• Where are you experiencing a storm today? 
• What do you think about it? What do you feel about it? 
• What would it mean for the trajectory of your life if you willingly stayed the course through the tension you're experiencing there? 
• Will you? 

Redefine Success

Standing with my toes in the Atlantic this week, I looked out on the expanse of water before me and felt small. I walked over a mile to reach this particular stretch of uninhabited beach with high hopes that I'd experience this very feeling. Honestly, I needed the reminder... I needed to consider the truth that while I am small, I am not insignificant. And, nothing brings me into that head space quite like the ocean (or the mountains if they were easily accessible to me these days, but I digress). 

I don't know about you, but what I thought about that day and have noticed since is how maybe we're all fighting to be significant. If we look around at current events, I think we can see this deep longing in our society, too. Our motivation to matter is profound and this longing can lead us into life or into death. I think it's where the hustle mentality comes from, actually. We want our lives to count. We want to achieve and be known for something and help people and ensure our own needs are met in the process. And these desires can be quite beautiful. But maybe we buy into the story that, to be truly significant, we must have our freedom in every aspect. Money and respect and influence ensure we achieve it. So, we keep going because, if we stop or develop rhythms of rest, we may actually have to grapple with the things that feel undone or out of control or sad in our lives.

Success is often based on these nebulous ideas of influence and resources and how we're perceived on the outside. But I think that these cultural norms we tend to honor and hold in high esteem actually serve to diminish our dignity. If we're not careful, we can be swept up into the flow of culture that tells us that being significant means finding success using some pretty shallow guidelines. Even if we're not seeking the shallow nature of outward success, we must be attentive to the influence it has on our lives, decisions and the perspectives we carry with us. 

I've thought a lot these past few weeks about my story—past and present. I've thought about my dreams and my passions. I've considered how I have the opportunity to live my purpose every day regardless of how I'm making money to pay my bills. I've wondered what it means to serve and love people well right where I'm at and how I don't need a role or a title or a high paying job to accomplish these objectives.

I've reflected on some of the clients I've worked alongside and little pieces of work I've said yes to since leaving my career in the non-profit arena. Not all of the work has been glamorous or tied into my big picture dreams for my life. Often, work has looked a lot like simply showing up and doing what is needed. My perspective on the tasks I've accomplished was the key to ensure my work meant something that day. I would choose to carry hope into the place I worked because someone I'd interact with or meet that day needed some hope.

And in this process, one of the part-time places I landed involved working in a role heavy in customer service. I don't think one can know the depths of the entitlement mentality or the beautiful gift of dignity extended until we've engaged in a role like this one. It's amazing how quickly you learn how others view success in this type of environment. My compassion for people both matured and was challenged as I engaged with some whom, upon not getting their way, quickly turned to devalue and diminish me. Having no understanding or desire to understand my perspective, abilities, or experience I was held in contempt on multiple occasions. On the other hand and in the same place, I experienced delight and unexpected care from others who took time to time to know me as a person. What a difference our posture and perspective make. 

We are not made for common things, but our perspective on the things we give our time to and the people we encounter can make them common. We can buy into what culture deems as successful or we can literally work anywhere and with anyone and cultivate meaning and hope in our days. Some seasons in a place may be long, others may be short. What does it matter, though if we're all in? If our significance is not based upon what we do but founded in who we are and who we are becoming I think we'll be just fine. 

On a call today, I was reminded of a core belief of mine and a shared belief I have with this new friend: We are made for love and to offer love. If we make our vocation to love others every day of our lives, we become successful. In that line of work, nothing is beneath us. And that kind of success ensures a life that might be small, but a life that is genuinely significant. This is the beauty of life at rest.

So...

• What is your current perspective on what it means to be successful?
• Does that perspective bring you life? How?
• Is there any part of your current perspective on success that drains the life out of you?
• How does your view of success influence the way you view and treat other people?
• Do you currently experience your life as a life at rest?

Margin, Margin, Margin

All of this talk about hustle and rest has reminded me to create more space in my life these past few weeks. Not only was it needed, but it made way for some fresh insights to surface. The result? I've been further considering how rhythms of rest free us into connection and how connection creates room for inspiration in our lives and our work. Once this cycle is complete, it seems to begin again. 

When I noticed my marked weariness, the first decision I made was to widen the margins of my mornings. Depending on my schedule for the day, I got up earlier or took more time later into the morning to listen and reflect. I made sure my phone was set to silent, then set a timer so I could rest into the quiet without concerning myself with how many minutes had ticked away. There were days when I was ushered into grief and anger. Other days, I experienced moments when I felt such a deep sense of peace and care; and others still, when I didn't think or feel much of anything. Those days, in particular, were sweet in a way because I just felt the goodness of my choice to "be." It didn't have to look or feel a certain way. I was present and that's all that seemed to matter.

I read more during the past few weeks. Everything from fiction to online articles to Scripture. I found myself craving connection to bigger picture ideas and people. I translated that into spending time sharing ideas and meeting with people. Work meetings turned into places for sweet relational sharing. I noticed that I was less "on agenda" and more focused on how the other person was doing in those settings. 

The connection spurred my creativity. I noticed my surroundings more. The extended time spent being available to people in their stories actually produced fresh inspiration in my work. I gained ideas on new approaches and tweaks I need to make in some of the tools I'm creating. I began to see my own work through new lenses which encouraged me to stay the course. And, the work itself seemed to go faster because I had more clarity on what I was doing.

Truth be told, I had a minor meltdown a few days ago in the midst of all of this, though. I called my Mom and she heard me out, but I also felt shame for the anxiety I felt that day. Minutes after we hung up, she called me back and the first words out of her mouth were, "CALM DOWN..." (Oh, mommas and their way with words to their almost 40-year-old daughters! Ha.) She proceeded to offer tangible help and a solution I badly needed. Why do I share this blurb? Because even in the midst of all of the good that came in the margin, I still faced a struggle. I found myself living in the tension of this "building season" and felt the pressure to hustle my way out of it—even to the extreme of abandoning my course for a safer path. I know better now, but it doesn't mean the temptation doesn't rear its ugly head from time to time. 

I think this is why creating margin is so critical. We can rest well and work hard and connect and be inspired, and we will still have needs. But, we're better equipped to deal with those needs when we've created space in our lives. We become more resilient as we cycle through and recognize what's most important for our thriving on a particular day or during a specific moment. When I felt overwhelmed, I needed connection and tangible help. I was able to reach out and ask for it because I was in touch with my feelings, silly as they seemed at the time. 

So...

• How would you describe how you're doing in this cycle of rest, hard work, connection, and inspiration right now? 
• Where will you create margin this week to be present with yourself?
• Who will you invite into the process to help you with any needs you notice?
• Who will you choose to be present with this week, even if it means you maneuver off of the agenda? 

Hard Work Trumps Hustle

It's the end of the day. You step back from your work and take a few minutes to evaluate. You ask yourself a few questions:

• What am I thinking about?
• What do I feel about those things?
• What do I need? 
• What's my next step?

Perhaps you even jot down short bullets, phrases or sentences to capture your responses. The day is done and you get to move forward into the next item on your calendar. Maybe you're headed to dinner with a friend or your family. Maybe you've scheduled introvert time. Maybe you're on your way to the gym or out on a run. Or maybe, you've noticed that you're not quite done based on your response to the final question. You may need to stick around a little while longer to put something in order or maybe you need to reconfigure your evening to ensure you have what you need. Whatever the case, good. Do it. 

When you're done, let it go. Move on with your plans (or the updated version of those plans). Let yourself rest into your decision.

Tomorrow, do the same thing at the start of your day. Perhaps part of your "What's my next step?" from the night before included a list of where you're beginning today. But maybe you wake up today and that list needs to be tossed out. Maybe another priority came up. Maybe the way you were thinking of approaching the to-do item isn't going to work for you today. Whatever the case, embrace the reality and move forward. There's work to be accomplished and you're going to do great. Even if "the work to be accomplished" means that your decision today involves taking the day off. 

Now, I recognize that this may sound crazy to some. After all, there are real pressures and deadlines and people we are dealing with each and every day. But, each and every day we must make decisions to choose in or out.

I believe that the way we make these decisions will lead us into a mindset of rest or into a mindset of hustle. The reality is, some days we just have to keep on going. There is no opportunity to stop because of what we're facing. BUT, if we find ourselves in that place on a particular day, we get to choose into the reality. We get to say, "This must get done right now. I'm tired or [fill in the blank on what I'm experiencing], but I will do this..." I can rest into my reality by taking responsibility for it and work hard to complete whatever is before me.

So often hard work involves making hard choices. Some days, working hard means I stay with it. Some days, working hard means I let it go because I'm working hard to stay in a healthy life rhythm and my vocational work isn't everything. Staying in tune with our reality and with ourselves (that self-awareness piece) frees us to embrace what is and move forward. It all comes back to our "yes" and our "no." And I'll tell you what, we'll know pretty quickly if it was a good "yes" or a good "no" because we'll experience the fruit of it in our lives.

The thing is, hard work and rest go together. We can rest well as we work hard because we are attentive to where we're at physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Noticing where we're at and making decisions from there frees us to get what really needs to be done, done. And, when we know that we've done what needs to be done, we can call it a day and truly, genuinely REST. 

And though I used the examples of day-end and day-beginning as a possible approach to addressing our needs and our goals, we can wrap up individual pieces of our day, one at a time, and find rest between one moment and the next. It's a rhythm, after all. Rhythms are nice...

Per our earlier dialogue on "hustle" I really do understand that some people don't live "the hustle" as a mindset, but experience hustle as simple activities in their day-to-day lives that move them ahead. I appreciate these perspectives and postures. So, when I read the following, I only think of the current cultural mindset which tells us:

"Good things come to those who hustle."--Chuck Noll

"My hustle is nonstop. I never stop hustling."--Young Jeezy

"I've got a dream that's worth more than my sleep." --Unknown

"I'd rather hustle 24/7 than slave 9-5."--Unknown

This get-ahead mentality requires every part of us, all of the time. And this is the very reason I think that hard work trumps hustle...

Hard work has an end point while hustle does not. Hard work says, "I'm giving my attention and my energy to this thing that's in front of me. I'm going to do it with excellence. And, when I'm finished, I am done." Rest comes when we complete our work. We lay it down and move into a place where we have margin, once again. It's in this place of rest when we recover from our labor. As we recover by investing in things that bring us life (sleep, hobbies, spending time with life-giving people, etc), we create space for reflection, inspiration and creativity. 

I've shared recently about my own process in establishing healthy rhythms. Just weeks ago, I was in another spot where I felt exhausted. I remember looking at my to-do list one day and in the midst of noticing all I needed to accomplish, I also recognized how tired I was. Instead of forcing myself into the work, I chose to take a nap. A handful of minutes passed as I rested quietly. I hoped sleep would come, but instead I had a flurry (and when I say flurry, I mean FLURRY) of fresh ideas about upcoming topics for the blog. I was almost annoyed because each time I'd reach for my phone (which was on silent, btw) to record a new thought and replace it back on the side table, another would come. 

I remember saying aloud, "You've GOT to be kidding me... I'm so tired and now, all of this inspiration!!..." I laughed. It was ridiculous and wonderful all wrapped into one. I was reminded that day how it's in quietness, and in rest, that we find our strength. It was such a beautiful moment and a testament to this truth that when we're genuinely willing to engage what is in our moments, good fruit will come. 

And, you better believe it that when that "nap" was complete, I got back to work. I focused and moved forward. Until, of course, I was done.

So...

• What is the hard work that you need to choose into today?
• Will you allow yourself to rest when you are done?
• Or maybe, will you allow yourself to rest today so that you can work hard when your rest is done?

I hope so. Let me know how it goes, won't you? I'd love to hear.

Rhythms of Rest

Typing out that title and this post feel a bit ironic today. My past week has been anything but restful with work commitments, the wonderful wedding of a cherished sister-friend and loads of personal to-do's that remain undone. Can you relate? Reading that short phrase again, something wells up in me... Rhythms of rest. It is an invitation that offers me the opportunity to take a deep breath today and I invite you to join me.

Here's a little activity to engage for a few extended seconds:

• Breathe for three rounds of breath.
• Maybe even close your eyes. 
• Deep inhale; extended exhale. Again. Again.

Did you think of anything? What did that feel like? I found myself wanting more time there. You? 

I've been thinking about our dialogue about the hustle again this week and have added a new reflection to the mix. I find it interesting how we hustle, hustle, hustle and simultaneously live for the weekend. We count the days down until we're done—until we can rest or do something we really want to be doing—then we hustle some more. And maybe some of us who live with the hustle mindset never really wait for the weekend because we're still hustling when we arrive there. 

What do you think? Is that true for you or people in your life? If I consider my choices this past week, I fall into both categories. This led me to further consider my actual activities and where my decisions led me. Here's what I've uncovered:

• I'm physically exhausted.
• I'm behind on a lot of stuff and have questions about how I'm practically going to stay focused and organized in order to get it all done.
• I haven't set aside enough time for my spiritual practices and I feel a little wonky.
• I miss my friends and need good connecting points right now.
• I've allowed some of my time to be swallowed up in analyzing relational realities and unfinished business instead of creating solutions and taking action.

I encourage you to take a few moments to quiet yourself and jot down a few thoughts of your own.

• What do you notice as you consider your activities from this past week?
• If you could recap your week by describing any tension you might be experiencing in a single sentence, what would you say? 

I'd say: I'm so physically drained that it's hard to be present and get things done because I just want to sleep, BUT I feel tension about taking the time to sleep because I have so much to do! Gah!

Does that resonate with anyone out there? Even if your tension is different, I imagine it has something to do with what you think you need to do and what is actually needed. This can be a place where we get stuck and then maybe we keep hustling just to keep the hustle alive instead of embracing a mindset and rhythm of rest.

So here's a question to consider... Where will I make space in my daily life to uncover where my decisions are leading me? I can break it down further by asking myself:

1. What am I doing right now?
2. Why am I doing that?
3. Where is this decision/activity leading me?
4. Is what I'm doing right now getting me where I want to be?
5. If not, what step will I take to get there in the healthiest way possible?

Choosing to live in this way creates a posture that ensures I'm resting well into my decisions by living with intentionality in my little yes's and no's. These decisions extend into my thought-life:

• What am I saying yes to in my thoughts?
• What am I saying no to in my thoughts?

Every day we make agreements inside of our heads. Our feelings follow these agreements. Our actions follow these feelings.

• Where are your thoughts leading you?
• Do they lead to a posture of hustle?
• Do they lead to a posture of rest?

In the long run, I think we actually accomplish more by taking stock of our thoughts and the postures they create in our lives, making decisions from there. I have definite room for improvement as I consider my last week. What about you?  

The Hustle in the Hustle

I see it on coffee mugs and tank tops, memes and social media banners, and I hear friends say it day in and out: "Every day I'm hustlin'..." Our mantra, it seems. I've dialogued with others about this piece of our vocabulary and what it stirs in me for a couple of years now. I haven't known how to talk about it fully, but I've decided to try. This week, I received responses from a few of you on social media as you shared your thoughts on what the hustle means to you. Your perspectives were helpful! Here's what I heard you say about it:

"Doing what you need to do to get to your goal." 

"It is often associated with being opportunistic, having grit, and being responsible for making sure my goal is obtained. It is up to me, so I must do whatever is in my power to get done what needs to get done and persuading others to help me get there."

"Gotta do what I gotta do until I figure something else out."

"Hustle is working for what is good with the goal of what is best!"

"Stepping into what I need to, over and over again."

"The hustle will always be a thing!"

Do these ring true for you? What about the dictionary definitions for hustle? (Posted here.) What sort of a rhythm does the reality of hustle create in your life? If I'm honest, I've found this cultural phenomenon of "The Hustle" to be a difficult pill to swallow. Here's why...

The past 10 years of my story have afforded me a wonderful education in life rhythms. Certain seasons were so filled to the brim that my head was spinning all of the time with all of the doing. Other seasons delivered so much space to me that I'd wonder if I was adding anything meaningful to the world while I sat still, being. 

A worker bee by nature, the "being" was the harder part of the learning for me. I know this isn't true for everyone, but it took great intentionality, and quite a few years, on my part to develop a posture of rest. Workaholism plagued me in my twenties and early thirties. I was seeking to validate my existence to the world through my work. Finding remedy in the affirmations of others and their growing applause of my competence, I pushed myself excessively to continue conquering bigger mountains. And I loved it. I was good at it and even felt "alive" in it.

It's probably not surprising to hear, but I sort-of missed seeing my motive in it all. Of course, there were moments when I could feel that something wasn't right, but I trudged through those with a grittiness I'm amazed to remember I had (it's called adrenaline, by the way). But eventually, when I felt totally misunderstood, under challenged and exhausted—one can't live in fight or flight mode forever, after all—something had to give.

I broke down because quite frankly, I felt totally lost and had used all of my energy trying to prove myself. As I looked deeper, I uncovered a significant root need: to be valued and known and loved. I was trying to find love in all of the wrong places, or so the song goes... This seeing freed me to begin healing and set me on the long road back into genuine life. And healing meant that I had to come to terms with reality. I came to see how I'd been punked. The illusion I thought of as life was actually death and I felt this death profoundly.

For me, this never-ending cycle of hustle and the energy required to keep it up eventually gave out. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. One truth I've learned in this process is that hustle, as much as it is actual activity, is also a mindset. And perhaps this is where I feel confronted by our cultural embrace of the experience. I don't typically hear us saying that it's just activity. I hear us saying that we just have to keep going, no matter what. But there are times when we just have to stop. And, if we don't, there's a good chance we'll be forced to stop by exhaustion, disease, broken relationships—you name it. This is what I mean when I say, "The Hustle in the Hustle." If my mindset is set to hustle, I will always be hustling.

I don't know about you, but I find that this mindset creates a terrible life rhythm. My firsthand experience has helped me to see that when I lived it, I was never really "off" and over time, this harmed me. In the coming weeks, we'll continue to talk about this mindset and look at some alternatives. After all, my hope for myself and for you is that we are people who live a WHOLE life.   

In the meantime: 

• Do you resonate with the hustle? What does it mean to you?
• What is the nature of your current life rhythm?
• What words or feelings might you use to describe it? Why?

Start Small (Your Hang-ups Part 2)

In the midst of processing and writing about my own hang-ups last week, I had a meeting with a friend to connect about life and work. Our normal 75-90 minutes morphed into four and a half hours after one of her colleagues stopped by to say hi. A flood of questions and ideas surrounding my work emerged as we chatted and chatted and chatted some more.

Have you ever experienced one of these "set-ups"—a place in time when an unplanned experience occurs and it's just the right thing at the right moment?

Well, a set-up this was, indeed.

Our conversation took so many twists and turns, but one key item he pointed out to me, a true piece of "seeing" on his part, was how what I'm really, really interested in is helping people. This I know, of course (it is part of my mission statement, after all—ha!), but his sense of it was that I was overly focused on "business-y" tasks. He encouraged me to take my mission deeper by reconsidering how I'm framing my own view and outline of what I'm up to each and every day. Instead of focusing on "business," what would it mean to focus on the people themselves? How might a renewed focus strengthen my objectives? For someone who met me, at that moment in the dialogue, like 30 minutes before, I felt astounded and encouraged by the insight. And, he was right.

Last week, I introduced a list of my hang-ups. In one way or another, I've noticed (again) how a lack of self-confidence, doubt, is at the root of what's hanging me up. I've been living in fear of really, really putting myself "out there." Have you ever felt nervous about letting people see you up close? In my life, allowing people to know me is a big part of where I'm going, but it also means that others may see more of me than I might anticipate or even like. Plus, any mistakes I make along the way are likely to be seen clearly. This fear has resulted in putting myself only half-way into the proverbial arena (who doesn't want to engage a little wisdom from Bréne Brown today?)... But here I was, standing with a near-stranger who was championing me to go all the way in... 

And, when I left their office that day, I made a video and posted it to my Facebook page to talk about our conversation. I recorded it in one take. I didn't concern myself with "perfect." My face was shiny and my hair, frizzy from Orlando summer. The angle wasn't the most flattering and I hoped and prayed that I would make some sense. You know what? It was awesome. It was done. It was out there. It was me, being me in a breakthrough moment that I can look back on and celebrate now.

So here's the question: What does it take to overcome our hang-ups?

Beyond the first step of actually identifying them, our next opportunity is to step out in confidence by doing the thing we might not do if we were allowing the hang-up to rule us. Is it really that easy, you ask? Well, easy it is not because if it were easy, we wouldn't be hung up.

Simple, however, simple it is. Overcoming our hang-ups begins with a decision to change our minds about the things we're struggling with, then we practice. We take action and see how it goes! We may utterly fail. We might do okay. We might win big. Who knows? Well, we will know as we step out and DO.

So...

1. Revisit your answers to last week's questions on your hang-ups.
2. Next, identify one item in your life where you're currently hung up.
3. Write out how you can practice moving through your hang-up. Maybe you need to initiate a conversation with someone. Perhaps you need to complete something on your list—done is good! Or, maybe you, too must create a video and post it somewhere (or take a selfie...). Or, apply for that job opportunity. Or... 
4. Then, go do the thing. See how it goes. 
5. And, tell me about it. I'd love to hear how it went...

If you're not sure of a step you can take, reach out to me. We can come up with an idea together! I'm all about healthy solutions... Let's move forward and LIVE, friends. Let's hang up our hang-ups!

Start Small (Your Hang-Ups)

Do you ever get hung up—like stuck, stuck, stuck and you know you need to move through your hang-ups if you're ever going to achieve all of the things? But how? Well, I've been there. In fact, I'm currently there. And, here's what I'm learning... 

Three and a half years ago I leaped. While it wasn't a first in making an enormous, life-altering shift, it was by far the most significant to-date. Leaving the non-profit world behind after fourteen years within its bounds, I found myself wandering an unknown road to finish my first book and apparently, start a couple of companies. Oh, the things you learn along the way...

I write today very much still within the process of "along the way." After all, as of this moment, I'm maneuvering this road, asking questions and studying myself in the mirror most days thinking, "This is wonderful and terrible all at once." Building new pathways for connection and engagement has its challenges, but also its joys. And as I'm seeking to live my purpose, on purpose each and every day, I am learning what I'm made of and also what's holding me back. (So I can help you do the same! :) ) 

My previous experiences have afforded me with a wide variety of skills and tools to employ in my new endeavors. I've also built many relationships and those connections have been a source of encouragement, support, and opportunity as I've explored what it means to build something that's inspired by hopes and dreams I've held for a long time. BUT, yes there's the big but, I've become acutely aware of the following ongoing pieces of delight (this is sarcasm) in my life, like the way I: 

• Question my ability to make good decisions and provide sound counsel--like all of the time. I forget that I do have experience and meaningful help to offer to others. When I swirl around too long in this place, I experience paralyzing outcomes. 
• Recognize that I'm in over my head, which is true, but I go further by internalizing the stress that can come from focusing too much on the big picture. I forget to coach myself in the value of the small steps in these moments. Then I exchange peace for fear. Lovely.
• Feel small and wonder if anything I'm doing actually matters. This is the other end of the spectrum because here, I get so caught up in all of the details I cannot see the big picture anymore. I assess my worth by how many items I've checked off of my list and forget the necessity of my valuable small accomplishments. 
• Put myself down because I don't know it all. Go figure! I don't know everything. Are you as shocked as I am? In all seriousness: Why is it that we forget how beautiful it is to learn and discover? When I lose sight of the truth that I'll always be learning, I lose heart. Then I want to eat all of the chocolate and take all of the naps and stay in my house forever... 
• Forget to invite other people in. Remember how we talked about "Your People" last time? I have them, as you know. But then I forget to reach out and say, "HI... I'm really stressed. Will you hang out with me and remind me that I'm okay, please?" Honestly, this is a huge one for me. It requires so much vulnerability. My need points to the fact that I really don't have it all together. And, then I feel small again, but in a different way, you know? And, I forget that it's okay to have needs in general and also okay that I need other people. We all need stuff. I get so hung-up here... 

Most of those sentences are probably fragments and much of my process is one of self-doubt. On my worst days, I look around at my contemporaries and compare. But other people often look a lot more together than they probably are in real life. While this familiar trap is enticing to fall into, I've had to take extra care to avoid it. I've had to coach myself like I've coached others: You will do this the way YOU were made to do this... You won't be like anyone else at it and that's actually GOOD. Because only YOU are YOU. And, it takes small steps to accomplish all that is in YOU!... 

So, what are your hang-ups?

Maybe you can create a short bulleted list, unlike my paragraphs of explanation. Maybe you can write a paper on yours. Whatever the case, here are some questions to consider this week:

• Are you aware of your hang-ups? 
• What names would you give to them?
• Where did they come from?
• How do they affect your view of yourself, your relationships and your circumstances? 

Next time we're going to talk about how to address them, but for now, let's take a deeper look at what they are... Awareness is the first small step we can take to get out of being hung-up... Proper English is winning all day, by the way. But don't you worry, I won't get hung up on it. 

Start Small (Your People)

Who are your people? I've been mulling this question over again as I've thought about our ongoing conversation about starting small. The people we choose to give access to along the way can have a profound impact on where we end up, after all. Perhaps, like me, you've had someone counsel you to choose your friends and advisors wisely. But I wonder: How is that going for you today? 

A few years ago, a friend and I got together to catch up as we do from time to time. During that dialogue, he pointed out a pretty massive truth to me which, in short, was that I didn't actually have many real friends. Sure, I had a lot of people in and around my life but in the end, many of them were people I gave to without receiving much in return. And mostly, I'd set it up that way. (Yikes.) His words struck a deep chord within me and set me in a new direction with a fresh intention: identify what a real friend is for me, search them out and let them in.

I'm going to make an important note here before moving along... These people mentioned above are valuable. I consider it an honor to have poured into them, so as I took new steps forward, I didn't seek to minimize them in any way or cut ties. But, I needed to notice what was true of my relationships and live from a new perspective, putting healthy boundaries in place. These decisions freed me to thrive relationally and continue to pour out into others.

Since that time I've made intentional choices with regard to my inner circle. Different seasons also provide different people, so I've kept that in mind. Those who have up-close access to me these days are people with whom I experience a reciprocal relationship. It's not that I keep tabs on how much each of us is giving/receiving, but I do walk in an observant awareness to ensure I'm not falling back into my old habits. I need people in my life who love and support me; and you do, too.

• Who "sees" you and encourages you?
• Who helps you to think through how to take your next step forward?
• Who reaches out to check in on you?
• Who tells you the truth with love, even when it's hard to hear?
• Who sticks with you as you seek transformation?
• Who invites you to share more about your dreams and cheers you on?
• Who tangibly shows up to help with their time, resources and talent?
• Who makes time for you?
• And hey, who makes you laugh? (Seriously.)

In 2017, and for the first time ever on my strategic plan, I wrote down the names of the people I wanted to spend time with during the year. I laughed when I did it because it felt so formal, but I knew it was my right next step in this process. I included a few categories:

• People who are more mature and experienced than I am in business. They are helping me to live a whole life while building my companies.
• People who stick with me and come to mind as I ask myself the above questions. My people!
• People who are life-giving and genuinely fun to be around. Even if I don't get much time with them, it's time well-spent.

I love my list and I'm thankful for the people I have for this season. 

Truth be told, as I wrote names down I did experience some guilt thinking of a dear friend or two that I didn't include on it. That said, I realized that sometimes even the people we love aren't life-giving for us and/or sometimes they aren't meant to be walking closely with us right now and that's okay. When we can acknowledge and live in what is presently true, it frees us to continue to love well through our seasons. In order to do so, we need the life-giving people, though. Like, MUST HAVE them. Then we have the support we need so we can be present and pour out in our other relationships.

So maybe today you answer the questions above and write out a list. Maybe you take stock of your current relationships and notice those who pour into you and those you give to regularly. Perhaps you make some new decisions about who you'll invite in as you take your small steps to achieve your big dreams while thanking everyone along the way. Let's keep our eyes wide open and notice our supporters and those we need to ask to join us on our journey. We can't do it without them, after all. 

Start Small (Thank EVERYONE)

We meet a lot of people along the way as we take our small steps to achieve our big dreams. I've been thinking this week about these people and how this ecosystem matters along the way. Whatever we're building, others are involved whether we recognize their contribution or not. But what if we noticed? What if we noticed to the point of thankfulness? How might it change the landscape of what we're creating? 

A few months back I had a vision for my workspace. I thought a tall, open-design bookcase was required to house my office items and might also create the right aesthetic for the room itself. So when my sister-friend was in town on a visit, we headed out to find a few key items for my space, including the bookcase. Happily, I found one that I loved. When the man at the store offered to help us carry the piece from point A to point B, I was caught up in gratitude for him.

"Sir," said I. "Do you know that you are helping me to create a space where I'll be able to work so much more productively to finish a book I'm writing and build my companies from?"

Proper English aside on my part, he looked up from the place where he was maneuvering the furniture and smiled a little. I don't know that he knew what to say to me, honestly. I'm sure it was a little strange and of course, I continued...

"Seriously, you are playing a part in helping me to do what I'm supposed to do in the world. Thank you so much!" 

Were these my exact words? Probably close, but my memory of the moment gives you the gist. It's true, though. I was so overcome by the reality that his role in this singular offer of help was making it possible for me to better accomplish my purpose. He literally lightened my load, making it easier for me to have what I needed. It was so beautiful to me. Still is.

And just a week or two ago, I opened my door as I saw the UPS man arrive outside. A loud burst came out of me as I greeted him, "Hello there! I'm SO happy you're here!..."

He handed me a large box and I smiled. "Do you know that the thing in this box is going to help me organize all of my things so my companies can move forward??" (I'm very descriptive about the things, you know? I've got some work to do...)

He smiled a little, much like the other man, not sure what to say or do.

"I'm so grateful for you! You're helping me to accomplish all of that..." I exclaimed.

We wished one another well and then he was on his way. (And who knows what he thought when he left... I still smile thinking about the possibilities, though). 

But seriously, HOW FUN is that? There are people in our lives each and every day who are contributing to our forward movement and to our successes. But, what does it matter?

The longer I spend working with people and organizations, the more I see the value of gratitude. When we can appreciate the contribution of others, we actually position ourselves to move our objectives forward. I don't know about you, but when others notice how I've helped them or when they offer a specific thank you for work I've done, I'm ready to help more and work harder. This said, if our motive is to thank because we get something out of it, people will see right through it. I think that's important to note here. But, if we're genuine (because we've practiced along the way), we create a culture that is not only productive but healthy. Practicing this "noticing" in our everyday encounters will translate into a lifestyle of the same.

And who doesn't want to relate to or work with a boss, friend, family member, colleague, or human who shows respect and honor through gratitude? Let's notice our ecosystem! Some contributions may seem small, but we know better. What other people offer to us matters. Let's shower them with gratitude.

So...

• Who has served you today?
• How did their service help you to move forward?
• What might you say to express your gratitude?

I'd love to hear YOUR stories of ecosystem gratitude... Feel free to send a note my way!

Start Small (Dream Big)

Last time we talked about the small beginning. Brick by brick we build, hopefully celebrating our progress along the way. But, what if we've lost sight of where we're going or why we're going there? Or, what if we haven't taken the opportunity to actually dream about the possibilities of what could be? OR, what if we know what could be but we're still stuck somehow? So many questions!

If your life is like mine, you probably have a lot going on. Setting aside time to process your dreams, or to actively think about what you hope for in the future, isn't always high on the priority list. I get that. Stephen Covey talks about the "tyranny of the urgent" and I understand him to mean that, without great intentionality, the work of putting out fires will consume our energy and our focus. Some of us have more flexible time on our hands, though. In that case, perhaps our struggle is knowing how to use our time well because we lack direction, clear tactics, or maybe we experience a paralyzing fear that what we think will work, won't. In either scenario, we're likely missing key opportunities to move forward.

I've found myself in the latter camp these past few months. Afforded with flexible time, I've actually found myself making the decision to sit in the opening to consider what might be (again). For me, this is called: Growth. Choosing to sit hasn't necessarily been easy, though. There have certainly been times when I've checked out, binge watching a show or two. I've had more than my share of moments when I've sat, staring at my cream-colored walls, feeling the weight of the space.

"Shouldn't I know what to do next given the insight I have on where I'm going?..." I've asked myself.

The answer? "Sure! I already have a mile-long list of next steps..." I've said to myself. (Aloud. Definitely talking to myself like this continuously more and more these days.) 

My struggle has been twofold:

One: Picking the best next step and releasing the fear that I may fail at it when I take it.

Two: Understanding that even with this long list of to-do's written out, taking action isn't necessarily the best next step because some ideas are still formulating and they need room to breathe before I execute them most effectively.

Can you relate?

When it comes to the big picture dream you have for your life (or that you might create through your life), whatever your struggle, know that you will start small. We begin by uncovering, acknowledging and then naming the dream. We move forward one small step at a time. We learn to believe the truth that we really can achieve it as we squash our fears each time we accomplish our best next step (which might just include rest so the creativity can flow). As my friend Ford often says, "It's not easy, but it is simple." We can swim around in the complicated, or we can be transformed... One simple decision at a time.

So I wonder:

Have you set aside time to consider your dreams lately?

What activities are you engaging in that are helping you to achieve them? 

If you need help along the way, I'm here. My dream involves helping you to put your feet firmly on the path to achieving your dreams by understanding your purpose... And hey, just a friendly reminder: You have what it takes to get there. I promise... 

Start Small (Again)

Do you remember being small? What about feeling small? Recently, I’ve been reflecting again on the significance of small beginnings. On the surface of my considerations I’ve remembered how every new start is actually a small start. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new job or a promotion, a relationship, a hobby or a move because, in every case, we likely don't know exactly what we're doing or how it will turn out. We take the raw materials of our experience, knowledge and the tangible assets within our grasp and make the most of the compilation. The process can be both daunting and wonderful all in one.

Often, I find that we look down on the small. We can dismiss the value of each decision, each step. We might do this because we have the completed vision in mind and until we see that fulfilled, we won’t feel contentment. We might also diminish the importance of the small because honestly, our little steps and achievements aren’t typically noticed. Perhaps we want others to view us in a certain way and until we can share some grand milestone or achievement, we don’t personally perceive our minor steps as victories. And, maybe we just expect more from ourselves.

Case in point, a couple weeks back I sat down to draft two important emails. While I understood the strategic value of both communications, when I finished the drafts and sent them off to two friends who had offered to review them, I felt deflated rather than encouraged. Later the same day, I was talking with a friend and she asked about my work day. I mentioned completing the drafts and she responded, “It sounds like you did so much today!” She meant it. 

Later, I reconsidered my perspective. She was right. Both required thought, focus, discipline and even hope, to draft. Completing them meant the possibility to advance my companies. At the end of the day, these seemingly insignificant emails were actually really valuable. This understanding caused me to smile and I felt encouraged. The trajectory of the evening changed and I started the next day with a fresh sense of excitement.

So I wonder… How are you doing with your small beginnings? Are you looking down on them, lessening their value? Are you looking down on yourself? Or, maybe you’re further along than I am and you’ve already learned to celebrate your good work and your forward steps. I hope it’s the latter!

Each of us started small and have been starting small ever since. As we continue to grow older in age, more mature in our character and broader in our experience, let’s not give in to the temptation to look down on our small steps. Instead, let’s celebrate each win. Let’s seek to delight in our progress each and every day. Brick by brick… Let’s endeavor to embrace, and even enjoy, the small beginning (again).

No Offense

Not so long ago, a friend of mine started a wonderful company that invites strangers around a dinner table, complete with incredible food and inspiring conversation. Early on, I helped as a guest hostess and carefully selected questions to ask the guests that ranged from light to deep, funny to thoughtful. I still have a couple favorites, but near the top of my list is this one: If you had the authority to enact a law that everyone would have to abide by for one day, what law would you choose?

My response was always the same: For one day, no one can be offended. That's it. No matter what happens on the road, at home, in the office, and perhaps more pointedly these days, no matter what someone posts on social media, you cannot be offended by any person, any words a person utters, or by any circumstance—nothing. Imagine it for a minute. Not a single living person chooses offense for one whole day. What would it be like?

Seriously... 

See, another friend and leader I admire taught me something about living free from offense over the past few years. It's a pilgrimage I've begun and honestly, it's still rocky terrain. Each day I interact with people and encounter circumstances that create environments that foster offense. Some days, knowingly or unknowingly, I'm the initiator of offense for others. And, sometimes I take the bait from others. An actual slight or an imagined one, I pick it up and dwell on it, pay it forward, you name it.

But what if I walked in so much personal transformation that I could look at the thing coming toward me and allow it to remain outside? What if I had different lenses in the moment the bait was dangled? What would life be like then?

If I picture an offense like a small ball flying through the air at me, I have a few choices: I can let it hit me, I can catch it. or I can adjust my posture and let it fly past. For many years, I've chosen one of the two initial options. I found it hard to let the offense fly by because it was actually drawn to something inside of me. Perhaps it had to do with justice, a wrong being set right. Often, I noticed that my personal values were in direct opposition to what was coming toward me. Sometimes the words or the circumstances just plain hurt and I wasn't sure why. Regardless, I had to heal from the impact. Other times, I was able to catch the offense without much damage, but holding it meant something to me, so I refused to drop it. And, in less lovely moments I threw it right back at the other person.

The more I live from a whole place, in understanding what is being triggered inside of ME from words or actions I experience from others, the greater my ability to let potential offenses fly past. At times, I've been able to look at the person in front of me and verbalize, "Hey, that doesn't sound like you... What is it that you're feeling or experiencing right now?" Other times, I've seen how I could have picked something up when there was no ill-motive or intent being exercised by the person in my path. My own story contributed to the way I viewed a word or action, but the person I was interacting with genuinely meant nothing by it. 

Walking free from offense is a process. I'm learning to ask questions, mostly of myself. What's going on? What has happened today or this week that could be stirring up this feeling? What's the thought connected to that feeling?

A bit of self-diagnosis can go a long way when it comes to living more freely. It can even create space to move into a meaningful moment with another human. A world filled with people who also steer clear from being offended sounds pretty well worth the effort required to live this way. And no offense, but it starts with you and me making the choice to refrain from choosing to be offended each and every day...