On Purpose: Getting Lost

"Are you a workaholic?" A newer friend asked with sincerity in the middle of a party.

"No, but I used to be..." I replied.

We were sitting on the sofa in our friend's house catching up a bit when the conversation went deep. I like deep, so I was in my element.

"It's really just a busy season and I knew it was coming. Now that I'm in it, I'm noticing how long my days are and how much capacity I have to accomplish again. But I am tired right now. It's a lot." I added.

She nodded and I continued, "Busy is different than what it used to be because my motives have changed as I've gotten into the roots of why I did what I did back then..."

You could say I was lost for a long time and a few years back, I began to find my footing again. I've been reflecting on this conversation as I prepared to write for the week, considering what it means to be where I am now versus where I was then.

From where I sit now, it seems I had to get lost in my work to discover who I am and what I was really made for in this life. I have an appreciation for the years I lived focusing on what people thought of me and the seasons when proving myself worthy was a way of life. I have compassion for myself in the places where I experienced gaps in real areas of need like being loved and belonging. It's fascinating to uncover what we do to fill in our own gaps in this life... And perhaps more so, amazing to learn how even the bad can shape us for good as we heal and move forward.

These days getting lost has taken on new meaning for me. Once my motives were identified and ironed out through a lot of personal transformation, I started imagining a future I knew I wanted but never knew how to cultivate. Of course, it's still a process, but getting lost here has looked a whole lot like trying new things. For one, when I left the non-profit world almost four years ago, I focused my business consultancy in a 'project management' direction and set aside major time to write the draft of my first full book manuscript. Within the first year and a half I understood that while I was employing skills that came naturally to me, I wasn't thoroughly enjoying most of the work I was taking on. It was risky to pivot my business to focus more in areas of strength and passion but I reached a point where it was more painful to stay the same than to pivot. While I'm still working hard to grow it, I can't express how worthwhile it has been to make the changes I've made. 

Getting lost has also meant that I've taken on side roles that met specific needs for me along the way. It has been so freeing to choose what I've needed instead of letting a role define me or my value. I took one position because the projects I'd taken on at the time had me working alone often. As an extrovert, I was experiencing a huge deficit in energy level which was actually negatively affecting my work. So, I opted to give quite a number of hours weekly in a job that didn't pay much, but afforded me the opportunity to work with people all of the time! While I was there, I gained insight into their organizational structure and what worked well and what didn't work well. I learned a ton. It helped me and I hope it helped them to have me there.

In another role I've recently stepped into on an interim basis, I'm learning a whole new skill set in business—accounting. Truth be told, this particular area feels like the antithesis to my natural wiring. In college, I felt like I was pretty terrible at it, actually. My grades were mediocre, at best, and I didn't think I had a knack for being able to understand it. Coursework in accounting was required to attain my marketing degree, so I couldn't avoid it. And, here I am 17.5 years later, working in a capacity where I'm learning pieces of it more intentionally. Life is funny... This might sound strange, but It's actually awesome to be in over my head. I know the work I'm doing now will help me in the future as I learn this new 'language' and better understand structural considerations for billing, payments, vendors, systems and more. It's pretty wonderful, actually (even on the days when I totally mess something up).

Getting lost here, in these side roles, has been an important piece in my journey forward. The intentionality required to get lost in order to move forward and have needs met is key. Who knows where we'll be a few years, after all? But what if we focus on what's in front of us, serving others and growing as people? A lot of good can come from putting ourselves in places and positions that are needed today—for ourselves and for others.

So...

• Have you gotten lost lately?
• What does it look like for you?
• Is it helping you to stay stuck or to move forward?

Ignite Your Purpose

Sitting at a restaurant surrounded by some of the most wonderful ones who had gathered to celebrate my birthday this past week, a friend leaned over the table and asked:

"What moment or experience stands out as you think about your last year of life?"

Thinking quickly back over the months, I couldn't recall any specific item that stood out above the rest until I remembered this: I finally wrote out my vision, mission and purpose statements. Sharing this response, I felt surprised by how much it has mattered. But in the days since, as I've continued to consider my answer to her question, I've realized how the decision to create clarity on where I'm going has been a nothing short of a game changer for me. 

Back in the summer of 2015, I traveled up to the Northeast for a number of weeks. My time was spent celebrating friends at their wedding, studying and accomplishing research for some of the work I was preparing to step into, and soaking in time with friends in Boston. During my weeks in the city, I set aside a half day at the Boston Public Library—oh, I love it so—to capture my thoughts on where I was headed. Instead of clean statements, I found myself with loads of bullet points that painted a picture of what it would look like when I got where I was going, plus overarching ideas of what my life would become. While this part of the process helped, it still left me lacking genuine clarity.  

Fast forward to winter, 2016-2017. I had been working to tighten up the processes I walk clients through when I realized I still hadn't cleaned up my own focus. This time around, I set aside a full day for a whiteboard session and didn't leave until I captured each of my statements. I vividly remember sitting on a red chair in the empty, low-lit room, whiteboard straight ahead, with tears in my eyes as I absorbed three distinct lines written on that board that outlined what I was made to do and why it mattered. At once, it was as if I had known these truths all along, but hadn't realized them all the same. I don't quite know how to put it into words, but I understood then that this simple act was already showing me what I was to say "Yes" to and what I was to say "No" to, and it felt amazing.

Here's a question I posed on a post yesterday:

What ignites you? 

See, the things that ignite me are likely different than those that stir your passion. When each of us identifies what it is that wakes us up into alertness, tugs at our sense of justice, drives our care or compassion, brings us hope, and motivates us to action we have the ability to change the world. Genuinely. Your life matters. Your purpose matters. Your decision to clarify and live your purpose matters.

This isn't new, it's just a reminder. When we know what we're made for, we have the opportunity to create days and weeks and months and years filled with activities that are focused and filled with intentionality. We don't swirl around not knowing what we're giving our time to and why. Rather, we get up in the morning with clarity on how we are embracing the day ahead and giving our very best within it. 

This past year, I've made countless decisions differently because I've brought clarity to my purpose. I've experienced a newfound freedom to release things I care about in order to invest myself in the things I care MOST about in my days. Do you know the difference between those two realities in your own life? I'll tell you what, it's amazing when we learn it. Because, when we do, we're on the path to making our very BEST contribution. I'll tell you another what, I speak for myself here, but I think it's vital for everyone: You living in your best contribution means the world is a better place for me! And, in kind, when I live my best contribution, I make the world a better place for you!

Imagine every person on the planet doing what they are made to do. We'd all be so much better off... Isn't the simplicity of that astounding?

Yet often, as we've talked about recently, we let the world inform our standards of success and how we arrive there. Instead of buying into a worldview that leaves us both empty and constantly trying to fill up the emptiness, why not take a good look at what brings you life? The road to success and the way your success will matter for all of us begins there. 

Here's the thing, I want you to be WILDLY successful in your life. I want you to be so happy. I want you to live in a way that makes a difference in our world—a world, by the way, that is in need of so much hope and transformation right now. We need YOU to win at being YOU. So, please, please, please... Live on purpose.

If you happen to be standing still in the standstill, like we talked about last week, knowing your purpose can be key in helping you regain your courage and strength while you rest and wait. Don't lose heart. You are valuable. Even if you can't take the next step right now, remember why you're standing there (even if it's only because you're not willing to turn around and go back from whence you came). 

When you're ready to figure out what it looks like to bring clarity to your "Why" please let me make my best contribution by helping you... It brings me so much life to see you own your life and discover why it matters. I feel delighted as I imagine thousands upon thousands of people knowing and living their purpose. It's a beautiful movement that results in a bright future for us all.

Now, while I go do a bit more prep for the arrival of Hurricane Irma (please stay safe, everyone!), you can reach out to me here. 

Stand Still in the Standstill

We sat facing each other in a not-so-busy salad spot. When it was my turn to share, self-professed external processor extraordinaire that I am, I blurted out all the questions and the doubts and the anxiety I'd been feeling. My friend, ever-patient and thoughtful, listened. When I finally took a long breath, she reminded me not to diminish the realities I have been facing, then shared how I'd just expressed what she was feeling in her own process. We laughed. She's as internal as I am external and I genuinely had no idea that her current experience was so closely relating to mine. I wasn't happy with the reality that she was struggling, too, but I sure felt thankful to know I wasn't alone. 

We went on to talk about the challenge to stay the course when faced with the ongoing uncertainties existing within this life in the in-between. She shared how she had recently been wondering what it meant to keep going when she didn't know that she could. I nodded profusely. Who wants to go back, right? But, how does one go forward when you feel like you don't know that you can? Then she offered this powerful realization she had recently:

"What if you just stand still?" 

We both teared up. Wow. What IF you just stand still? 

Standing still might seem terrible. I mean, aren't we supposed to make progress? After all:

Fake it till you make it. 

Don't give up.

Keep going.

At least these are the things I heard when I thought about making an intentional choice to simply stand still. And, there's merit to these thoughts. Sometimes, continuing to move forward through the challenges is the right course.

For instance, when she and I were standing in line to order lunch, I told her how I'm so not into eating salad or any green thing resembling salad right now. (And, I LOVE salad... I really do...) But, sometimes you eat the salad because you know your appetite will eventually catch up with what's good for you when you keep choosing it. When, like me, you're eating all of the sugar in sight (Jessica Bott Stress Behavior 101), there are times when you pull out a big leafy piece of kale from the fridge, wash it and eat it whole; or maybe you suggest that you and your friend meet to have lunch at the salad place, because that's what's good for you even though you don't want it. So, there's that...

But what if you're really at a standstill? What if you don't know that you can keep going, but you KNOW that you really don't want to go back from the place you've just left (or are leaving)? (...even if it would be so much easier just to go back and even if you really could go back.) 

Standing still in the in-between place isn't a declaration of failure. It's like a little pause. From this vantage point, we can swivel our gaze back in the direction from whence we came to remind ourselves that we don't want to go back. We can also look at what's in immediate proximity to us—we can notice what's real right here. Plus, we can continue to look ahead and contemplate where we're going. It's possible that we may just need a little breather to regain our courage and strength to take the next little step.

It's like mountain climbing. One summer a friend and I took a couple R&R days up in Vail after a conference we attended. Vail Mountain has this beautiful trail called Berry Picker and we set out early enough to tackle the climb and enjoy the view from the top before the afternoon thunderstorms would roll in. My life wasn't super great during that season and the 20-25 extra pounds on my body didn't make the experience easy for me. I can't count the number of times I had to stop on an incline to catch my breath, drink water and refocus. There were so many times I wanted to quit. I sent my friend ahead of me so she could enjoy the experience more fully without all of the rest stops. I remember feeling so much shame along the way.

I felt ashamed that I'd let myself grow so unhealthy.

I felt ashamed that I'd held my friend up along the way.

I felt ashamed that I couldn't do something well that used to come so easily for me.

I felt ashamed for feeling ashamed.

Have we talked about what a nasty and terrible "friend" shame is? We'll come back to that in the future. Suffice it to say, it was a hard day.

What I remember now about that experience, though is how I finished the hike. I didn't give up. I was slow and I was exhausted. BUT, when I reached the summit and took in one of my favorite views (as I laid on the ground panting as though my life depended on it, mind you), I felt hope. I experienced beauty. I reconnected with my friend and heard about her experience on the trail. When we took the gondola back down into the Village, I saw what I'd accomplished with fresh perspective. I'd climbed THAT mountain. The one right over there! It just took me a bit longer to summit, is all.

Have you been there?

Are you there now?

So...

Maybe like me, you've cut the tethering cord tying you to the consistent, safe place and you've already leaped from the cliff edge.

Maybe, like the friend I was having lunch with this week, you've lit the fuse and you're waiting for the big "boom" that's to come in the not so distant future.

In either case, maybe you just need to stand still in the standstill. The courage will come. The energy will return. You will regain your strength. You will move forward. When you can.

Instead of a list of questions this week, why not take a few minutes to be quiet. Listen to your heartbeat. Listen to your breath. Get in touch with your thoughts and your feelings. Remind yourself that it's really going to be okay. Somehow, some way, it will be. There is grace and there is mercy for you right here.

Margin, Margin, Margin

All of this talk about hustle and rest has reminded me to create more space in my life these past few weeks. Not only was it needed, but it made way for some fresh insights to surface. The result? I've been further considering how rhythms of rest free us into connection and how connection creates room for inspiration in our lives and our work. Once this cycle is complete, it seems to begin again. 

When I noticed my marked weariness, the first decision I made was to widen the margins of my mornings. Depending on my schedule for the day, I got up earlier or took more time later into the morning to listen and reflect. I made sure my phone was set to silent, then set a timer so I could rest into the quiet without concerning myself with how many minutes had ticked away. There were days when I was ushered into grief and anger. Other days, I experienced moments when I felt such a deep sense of peace and care; and others still, when I didn't think or feel much of anything. Those days, in particular, were sweet in a way because I just felt the goodness of my choice to "be." It didn't have to look or feel a certain way. I was present and that's all that seemed to matter.

I read more during the past few weeks. Everything from fiction to online articles to Scripture. I found myself craving connection to bigger picture ideas and people. I translated that into spending time sharing ideas and meeting with people. Work meetings turned into places for sweet relational sharing. I noticed that I was less "on agenda" and more focused on how the other person was doing in those settings. 

The connection spurred my creativity. I noticed my surroundings more. The extended time spent being available to people in their stories actually produced fresh inspiration in my work. I gained ideas on new approaches and tweaks I need to make in some of the tools I'm creating. I began to see my own work through new lenses which encouraged me to stay the course. And, the work itself seemed to go faster because I had more clarity on what I was doing.

Truth be told, I had a minor meltdown a few days ago in the midst of all of this, though. I called my Mom and she heard me out, but I also felt shame for the anxiety I felt that day. Minutes after we hung up, she called me back and the first words out of her mouth were, "CALM DOWN..." (Oh, mommas and their way with words to their almost 40-year-old daughters! Ha.) She proceeded to offer tangible help and a solution I badly needed. Why do I share this blurb? Because even in the midst of all of the good that came in the margin, I still faced a struggle. I found myself living in the tension of this "building season" and felt the pressure to hustle my way out of it—even to the extreme of abandoning my course for a safer path. I know better now, but it doesn't mean the temptation doesn't rear its ugly head from time to time. 

I think this is why creating margin is so critical. We can rest well and work hard and connect and be inspired, and we will still have needs. But, we're better equipped to deal with those needs when we've created space in our lives. We become more resilient as we cycle through and recognize what's most important for our thriving on a particular day or during a specific moment. When I felt overwhelmed, I needed connection and tangible help. I was able to reach out and ask for it because I was in touch with my feelings, silly as they seemed at the time. 

So...

• How would you describe how you're doing in this cycle of rest, hard work, connection, and inspiration right now? 
• Where will you create margin this week to be present with yourself?
• Who will you invite into the process to help you with any needs you notice?
• Who will you choose to be present with this week, even if it means you maneuver off of the agenda? 

Hard Work Trumps Hustle

It's the end of the day. You step back from your work and take a few minutes to evaluate. You ask yourself a few questions:

• What am I thinking about?
• What do I feel about those things?
• What do I need? 
• What's my next step?

Perhaps you even jot down short bullets, phrases or sentences to capture your responses. The day is done and you get to move forward into the next item on your calendar. Maybe you're headed to dinner with a friend or your family. Maybe you've scheduled introvert time. Maybe you're on your way to the gym or out on a run. Or maybe, you've noticed that you're not quite done based on your response to the final question. You may need to stick around a little while longer to put something in order or maybe you need to reconfigure your evening to ensure you have what you need. Whatever the case, good. Do it. 

When you're done, let it go. Move on with your plans (or the updated version of those plans). Let yourself rest into your decision.

Tomorrow, do the same thing at the start of your day. Perhaps part of your "What's my next step?" from the night before included a list of where you're beginning today. But maybe you wake up today and that list needs to be tossed out. Maybe another priority came up. Maybe the way you were thinking of approaching the to-do item isn't going to work for you today. Whatever the case, embrace the reality and move forward. There's work to be accomplished and you're going to do great. Even if "the work to be accomplished" means that your decision today involves taking the day off. 

Now, I recognize that this may sound crazy to some. After all, there are real pressures and deadlines and people we are dealing with each and every day. But, each and every day we must make decisions to choose in or out.

I believe that the way we make these decisions will lead us into a mindset of rest or into a mindset of hustle. The reality is, some days we just have to keep on going. There is no opportunity to stop because of what we're facing. BUT, if we find ourselves in that place on a particular day, we get to choose into the reality. We get to say, "This must get done right now. I'm tired or [fill in the blank on what I'm experiencing], but I will do this..." I can rest into my reality by taking responsibility for it and work hard to complete whatever is before me.

So often hard work involves making hard choices. Some days, working hard means I stay with it. Some days, working hard means I let it go because I'm working hard to stay in a healthy life rhythm and my vocational work isn't everything. Staying in tune with our reality and with ourselves (that self-awareness piece) frees us to embrace what is and move forward. It all comes back to our "yes" and our "no." And I'll tell you what, we'll know pretty quickly if it was a good "yes" or a good "no" because we'll experience the fruit of it in our lives.

The thing is, hard work and rest go together. We can rest well as we work hard because we are attentive to where we're at physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Noticing where we're at and making decisions from there frees us to get what really needs to be done, done. And, when we know that we've done what needs to be done, we can call it a day and truly, genuinely REST. 

And though I used the examples of day-end and day-beginning as a possible approach to addressing our needs and our goals, we can wrap up individual pieces of our day, one at a time, and find rest between one moment and the next. It's a rhythm, after all. Rhythms are nice...

Per our earlier dialogue on "hustle" I really do understand that some people don't live "the hustle" as a mindset, but experience hustle as simple activities in their day-to-day lives that move them ahead. I appreciate these perspectives and postures. So, when I read the following, I only think of the current cultural mindset which tells us:

"Good things come to those who hustle."--Chuck Noll

"My hustle is nonstop. I never stop hustling."--Young Jeezy

"I've got a dream that's worth more than my sleep." --Unknown

"I'd rather hustle 24/7 than slave 9-5."--Unknown

This get-ahead mentality requires every part of us, all of the time. And this is the very reason I think that hard work trumps hustle...

Hard work has an end point while hustle does not. Hard work says, "I'm giving my attention and my energy to this thing that's in front of me. I'm going to do it with excellence. And, when I'm finished, I am done." Rest comes when we complete our work. We lay it down and move into a place where we have margin, once again. It's in this place of rest when we recover from our labor. As we recover by investing in things that bring us life (sleep, hobbies, spending time with life-giving people, etc), we create space for reflection, inspiration and creativity. 

I've shared recently about my own process in establishing healthy rhythms. Just weeks ago, I was in another spot where I felt exhausted. I remember looking at my to-do list one day and in the midst of noticing all I needed to accomplish, I also recognized how tired I was. Instead of forcing myself into the work, I chose to take a nap. A handful of minutes passed as I rested quietly. I hoped sleep would come, but instead I had a flurry (and when I say flurry, I mean FLURRY) of fresh ideas about upcoming topics for the blog. I was almost annoyed because each time I'd reach for my phone (which was on silent, btw) to record a new thought and replace it back on the side table, another would come. 

I remember saying aloud, "You've GOT to be kidding me... I'm so tired and now, all of this inspiration!!..." I laughed. It was ridiculous and wonderful all wrapped into one. I was reminded that day how it's in quietness, and in rest, that we find our strength. It was such a beautiful moment and a testament to this truth that when we're genuinely willing to engage what is in our moments, good fruit will come. 

And, you better believe it that when that "nap" was complete, I got back to work. I focused and moved forward. Until, of course, I was done.

So...

• What is the hard work that you need to choose into today?
• Will you allow yourself to rest when you are done?
• Or maybe, will you allow yourself to rest today so that you can work hard when your rest is done?

I hope so. Let me know how it goes, won't you? I'd love to hear.

The Hustle in the Hustle

I see it on coffee mugs and tank tops, memes and social media banners, and I hear friends say it day in and out: "Every day I'm hustlin'..." Our mantra, it seems. I've dialogued with others about this piece of our vocabulary and what it stirs in me for a couple of years now. I haven't known how to talk about it fully, but I've decided to try. This week, I received responses from a few of you on social media as you shared your thoughts on what the hustle means to you. Your perspectives were helpful! Here's what I heard you say about it:

"Doing what you need to do to get to your goal." 

"It is often associated with being opportunistic, having grit, and being responsible for making sure my goal is obtained. It is up to me, so I must do whatever is in my power to get done what needs to get done and persuading others to help me get there."

"Gotta do what I gotta do until I figure something else out."

"Hustle is working for what is good with the goal of what is best!"

"Stepping into what I need to, over and over again."

"The hustle will always be a thing!"

Do these ring true for you? What about the dictionary definitions for hustle? (Posted here.) What sort of a rhythm does the reality of hustle create in your life? If I'm honest, I've found this cultural phenomenon of "The Hustle" to be a difficult pill to swallow. Here's why...

The past 10 years of my story have afforded me a wonderful education in life rhythms. Certain seasons were so filled to the brim that my head was spinning all of the time with all of the doing. Other seasons delivered so much space to me that I'd wonder if I was adding anything meaningful to the world while I sat still, being. 

A worker bee by nature, the "being" was the harder part of the learning for me. I know this isn't true for everyone, but it took great intentionality, and quite a few years, on my part to develop a posture of rest. Workaholism plagued me in my twenties and early thirties. I was seeking to validate my existence to the world through my work. Finding remedy in the affirmations of others and their growing applause of my competence, I pushed myself excessively to continue conquering bigger mountains. And I loved it. I was good at it and even felt "alive" in it.

It's probably not surprising to hear, but I sort-of missed seeing my motive in it all. Of course, there were moments when I could feel that something wasn't right, but I trudged through those with a grittiness I'm amazed to remember I had (it's called adrenaline, by the way). But eventually, when I felt totally misunderstood, under challenged and exhausted—one can't live in fight or flight mode forever, after all—something had to give.

I broke down because quite frankly, I felt totally lost and had used all of my energy trying to prove myself. As I looked deeper, I uncovered a significant root need: to be valued and known and loved. I was trying to find love in all of the wrong places, or so the song goes... This seeing freed me to begin healing and set me on the long road back into genuine life. And healing meant that I had to come to terms with reality. I came to see how I'd been punked. The illusion I thought of as life was actually death and I felt this death profoundly.

For me, this never-ending cycle of hustle and the energy required to keep it up eventually gave out. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. One truth I've learned in this process is that hustle, as much as it is actual activity, is also a mindset. And perhaps this is where I feel confronted by our cultural embrace of the experience. I don't typically hear us saying that it's just activity. I hear us saying that we just have to keep going, no matter what. But there are times when we just have to stop. And, if we don't, there's a good chance we'll be forced to stop by exhaustion, disease, broken relationships—you name it. This is what I mean when I say, "The Hustle in the Hustle." If my mindset is set to hustle, I will always be hustling.

I don't know about you, but I find that this mindset creates a terrible life rhythm. My firsthand experience has helped me to see that when I lived it, I was never really "off" and over time, this harmed me. In the coming weeks, we'll continue to talk about this mindset and look at some alternatives. After all, my hope for myself and for you is that we are people who live a WHOLE life.   

In the meantime: 

• Do you resonate with the hustle? What does it mean to you?
• What is the nature of your current life rhythm?
• What words or feelings might you use to describe it? Why?

Start Small (Your People)

Who are your people? I've been mulling this question over again as I've thought about our ongoing conversation about starting small. The people we choose to give access to along the way can have a profound impact on where we end up, after all. Perhaps, like me, you've had someone counsel you to choose your friends and advisors wisely. But I wonder: How is that going for you today? 

A few years ago, a friend and I got together to catch up as we do from time to time. During that dialogue, he pointed out a pretty massive truth to me which, in short, was that I didn't actually have many real friends. Sure, I had a lot of people in and around my life but in the end, many of them were people I gave to without receiving much in return. And mostly, I'd set it up that way. (Yikes.) His words struck a deep chord within me and set me in a new direction with a fresh intention: identify what a real friend is for me, search them out and let them in.

I'm going to make an important note here before moving along... These people mentioned above are valuable. I consider it an honor to have poured into them, so as I took new steps forward, I didn't seek to minimize them in any way or cut ties. But, I needed to notice what was true of my relationships and live from a new perspective, putting healthy boundaries in place. These decisions freed me to thrive relationally and continue to pour out into others.

Since that time I've made intentional choices with regard to my inner circle. Different seasons also provide different people, so I've kept that in mind. Those who have up-close access to me these days are people with whom I experience a reciprocal relationship. It's not that I keep tabs on how much each of us is giving/receiving, but I do walk in an observant awareness to ensure I'm not falling back into my old habits. I need people in my life who love and support me; and you do, too.

• Who "sees" you and encourages you?
• Who helps you to think through how to take your next step forward?
• Who reaches out to check in on you?
• Who tells you the truth with love, even when it's hard to hear?
• Who sticks with you as you seek transformation?
• Who invites you to share more about your dreams and cheers you on?
• Who tangibly shows up to help with their time, resources and talent?
• Who makes time for you?
• And hey, who makes you laugh? (Seriously.)

In 2017, and for the first time ever on my strategic plan, I wrote down the names of the people I wanted to spend time with during the year. I laughed when I did it because it felt so formal, but I knew it was my right next step in this process. I included a few categories:

• People who are more mature and experienced than I am in business. They are helping me to live a whole life while building my companies.
• People who stick with me and come to mind as I ask myself the above questions. My people!
• People who are life-giving and genuinely fun to be around. Even if I don't get much time with them, it's time well-spent.

I love my list and I'm thankful for the people I have for this season. 

Truth be told, as I wrote names down I did experience some guilt thinking of a dear friend or two that I didn't include on it. That said, I realized that sometimes even the people we love aren't life-giving for us and/or sometimes they aren't meant to be walking closely with us right now and that's okay. When we can acknowledge and live in what is presently true, it frees us to continue to love well through our seasons. In order to do so, we need the life-giving people, though. Like, MUST HAVE them. Then we have the support we need so we can be present and pour out in our other relationships.

So maybe today you answer the questions above and write out a list. Maybe you take stock of your current relationships and notice those who pour into you and those you give to regularly. Perhaps you make some new decisions about who you'll invite in as you take your small steps to achieve your big dreams while thanking everyone along the way. Let's keep our eyes wide open and notice our supporters and those we need to ask to join us on our journey. We can't do it without them, after all. 

Start Small (Thank EVERYONE)

We meet a lot of people along the way as we take our small steps to achieve our big dreams. I've been thinking this week about these people and how this ecosystem matters along the way. Whatever we're building, others are involved whether we recognize their contribution or not. But what if we noticed? What if we noticed to the point of thankfulness? How might it change the landscape of what we're creating? 

A few months back I had a vision for my workspace. I thought a tall, open-design bookcase was required to house my office items and might also create the right aesthetic for the room itself. So when my sister-friend was in town on a visit, we headed out to find a few key items for my space, including the bookcase. Happily, I found one that I loved. When the man at the store offered to help us carry the piece from point A to point B, I was caught up in gratitude for him.

"Sir," said I. "Do you know that you are helping me to create a space where I'll be able to work so much more productively to finish a book I'm writing and build my companies from?"

Proper English aside on my part, he looked up from the place where he was maneuvering the furniture and smiled a little. I don't know that he knew what to say to me, honestly. I'm sure it was a little strange and of course, I continued...

"Seriously, you are playing a part in helping me to do what I'm supposed to do in the world. Thank you so much!" 

Were these my exact words? Probably close, but my memory of the moment gives you the gist. It's true, though. I was so overcome by the reality that his role in this singular offer of help was making it possible for me to better accomplish my purpose. He literally lightened my load, making it easier for me to have what I needed. It was so beautiful to me. Still is.

And just a week or two ago, I opened my door as I saw the UPS man arrive outside. A loud burst came out of me as I greeted him, "Hello there! I'm SO happy you're here!..."

He handed me a large box and I smiled. "Do you know that the thing in this box is going to help me organize all of my things so my companies can move forward??" (I'm very descriptive about the things, you know? I've got some work to do...)

He smiled a little, much like the other man, not sure what to say or do.

"I'm so grateful for you! You're helping me to accomplish all of that..." I exclaimed.

We wished one another well and then he was on his way. (And who knows what he thought when he left... I still smile thinking about the possibilities, though). 

But seriously, HOW FUN is that? There are people in our lives each and every day who are contributing to our forward movement and to our successes. But, what does it matter?

The longer I spend working with people and organizations, the more I see the value of gratitude. When we can appreciate the contribution of others, we actually position ourselves to move our objectives forward. I don't know about you, but when others notice how I've helped them or when they offer a specific thank you for work I've done, I'm ready to help more and work harder. This said, if our motive is to thank because we get something out of it, people will see right through it. I think that's important to note here. But, if we're genuine (because we've practiced along the way), we create a culture that is not only productive but healthy. Practicing this "noticing" in our everyday encounters will translate into a lifestyle of the same.

And who doesn't want to relate to or work with a boss, friend, family member, colleague, or human who shows respect and honor through gratitude? Let's notice our ecosystem! Some contributions may seem small, but we know better. What other people offer to us matters. Let's shower them with gratitude.

So...

• Who has served you today?
• How did their service help you to move forward?
• What might you say to express your gratitude?

I'd love to hear YOUR stories of ecosystem gratitude... Feel free to send a note my way!

Start Small (Dream Big)

Last time we talked about the small beginning. Brick by brick we build, hopefully celebrating our progress along the way. But, what if we've lost sight of where we're going or why we're going there? Or, what if we haven't taken the opportunity to actually dream about the possibilities of what could be? OR, what if we know what could be but we're still stuck somehow? So many questions!

If your life is like mine, you probably have a lot going on. Setting aside time to process your dreams, or to actively think about what you hope for in the future, isn't always high on the priority list. I get that. Stephen Covey talks about the "tyranny of the urgent" and I understand him to mean that, without great intentionality, the work of putting out fires will consume our energy and our focus. Some of us have more flexible time on our hands, though. In that case, perhaps our struggle is knowing how to use our time well because we lack direction, clear tactics, or maybe we experience a paralyzing fear that what we think will work, won't. In either scenario, we're likely missing key opportunities to move forward.

I've found myself in the latter camp these past few months. Afforded with flexible time, I've actually found myself making the decision to sit in the opening to consider what might be (again). For me, this is called: Growth. Choosing to sit hasn't necessarily been easy, though. There have certainly been times when I've checked out, binge watching a show or two. I've had more than my share of moments when I've sat, staring at my cream-colored walls, feeling the weight of the space.

"Shouldn't I know what to do next given the insight I have on where I'm going?..." I've asked myself.

The answer? "Sure! I already have a mile-long list of next steps..." I've said to myself. (Aloud. Definitely talking to myself like this continuously more and more these days.) 

My struggle has been twofold:

One: Picking the best next step and releasing the fear that I may fail at it when I take it.

Two: Understanding that even with this long list of to-do's written out, taking action isn't necessarily the best next step because some ideas are still formulating and they need room to breathe before I execute them most effectively.

Can you relate?

When it comes to the big picture dream you have for your life (or that you might create through your life), whatever your struggle, know that you will start small. We begin by uncovering, acknowledging and then naming the dream. We move forward one small step at a time. We learn to believe the truth that we really can achieve it as we squash our fears each time we accomplish our best next step (which might just include rest so the creativity can flow). As my friend Ford often says, "It's not easy, but it is simple." We can swim around in the complicated, or we can be transformed... One simple decision at a time.

So I wonder:

Have you set aside time to consider your dreams lately?

What activities are you engaging in that are helping you to achieve them? 

If you need help along the way, I'm here. My dream involves helping you to put your feet firmly on the path to achieving your dreams by understanding your purpose... And hey, just a friendly reminder: You have what it takes to get there. I promise... 

Rebuild to Restore

We're still talking a lot about walls these days and continuing to build them between one another to boot. There's a very poetic statement made by a man called Isaiah who lived long ago. He says, "You will be called the repairer of broken walls, the restorer of streets where people live." I wonder about the meaning of his words a lot these days. 

Judgment and condemnation are still easy choices for us right now. Our assumptions tend toward the worst as we inhale soundbites and regurgitate them all in the same breath. That bit might be sort-of impressive if it weren't so sad. I wonder how we move forward and when we'll genuinely decide that the fighting just isn't worth it anymore. And, not because the causes don't matter, but because we begin to see how they matter more than we know. 

The walls this man spoke of were walls of protection, previously existing boundary lines that had been removed through violence. Restoring them meant ushering people back into safety and care. Restoring them meant bringing people home to experience life. 

Home is a powerful reality. We can actually offer it wherever we go. It's meant to be a place of belonging, a refuge, an experience of being seen and a place to contribute. Not everyone grew up in safety, I know. But consider the ability we have in our lives to create spaces and environments where people are welcomed, restored, known and cared for well. Imagine what happens when, as individuals and business owners and employees and community members, we stand and say, "Hey, you're valuable... Help me to understand." And, "Let me help." And, "Here's how you can help." We're all needed, after all.

If you haven't guessed, this won't come as a surprise: I'm so weary of the "us" and "them." The worst of them on a bad day is all of us. The best of them on a good day is all of us. We're connected in ways that we can't measure. By the way, It works the other way around, too.

Instead of pointing out problems, let's design solutions. Let's ask questions. Let's get out of our comfort zones and go meet one of "them."  

Let's choose to rebuild and restore people back into life. Let's rebuild the walls of protection. Let's dismantle, not establish, structures that prevent people from experiencing safety and care. Let's get to work restoring the streets where people live by being good neighbors in whatever neighborhood we find ourselves in that day. Let's create companies that give back to our communities with a genuine intention for care and connection. Let's consider the true ramifications of our decisions on those around us. 

We wake up each morning with a fresh opportunity to contribute health and wholeness to the world. Our contribution begins in our very thoughts and the intention we choose for the day—for ourselves and the people we encounter. We can change so much simply by living powerful lives of restoration and care. It all begins with our personal decision to unwaveringly demonstrate our freedom. We can design new realities that ensure home is a protected place for all life to flourish. Let's get to it.

The Next Best Practice

Have you considered that the work you're doing at this very moment, the systems you're building or tweaking, the ideas that you're conceiving and developing a strategy around could very well be next season's best practice? Imagine it! You... Cultivating an idea or a process that will help many other people... What a wonderful reality.

Business is ever-evolving. We currently stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. Let's pause. Consider them. What have we received from these women and men who influenced our lives today? I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to avoid gratitude as I process through it. Their work made it possible for us to arrive here. Incredible.

Like them, today we're doing our best. We're taking the next step, trusting that the outcome of our work will carry the vision forward and find our hopes realized. Let's take another pause. What does your picture of a fulfilled vision look like? Jot down a few of the ideas or descriptions that come to mind.

Now I want you to consider how YOU accomplish the tasks needed to see your picture come clearly into view. No one else can achieve this vision the same way you can. Consider the people you work alongside. What they bring to the table is equally as important. The way they will achieve the vision is unique and necessary. Collaboration takes us so much farther than going it alone, after all. The picture becomes more robust and gains depth. 

Take another pause. What are you or your team members doing today that's working well for you? Consider where you learned it. Consider what you've added to it or adjusted in the process. What insights have you gained? Let's mine and find the gold! 

There's a sweetness in uncovering new best practices. First, it helps us to appreciate the beauty in the 'blur.' We recognize that our lack of clarity actually acts as a catalyst for an unfolding discovery process where we adapt and create. Second, it keeps us humble. We become mindful that, just like those who came before us, our best practice will likely be tweaked or become obsolete as new generations of men and women take their positions in the marketplace. Third, our experience gives us wisdom to offer. We get to platform, encourage and equip those who will lead in the next season.

What an amazing cycle. We receive, we learn, we create and we give back. When I imagine the honor and generosity we show throughout it, I see enormous problems being solved, collaboration replacing competition and a whole lot of enjoyment in our work replacing the sense of tediousness existing in our ongoing task lists. So hey, let's get back to it. I look forward to learning from you as you develop the next best practice!