On Purpose: Getting Lost

"Are you a workaholic?" A newer friend asked with sincerity in the middle of a party.

"No, but I used to be..." I replied.

We were sitting on the sofa in our friend's house catching up a bit when the conversation went deep. I like deep, so I was in my element.

"It's really just a busy season and I knew it was coming. Now that I'm in it, I'm noticing how long my days are and how much capacity I have to accomplish again. But I am tired right now. It's a lot." I added.

She nodded and I continued, "Busy is different than what it used to be because my motives have changed as I've gotten into the roots of why I did what I did back then..."

You could say I was lost for a long time and a few years back, I began to find my footing again. I've been reflecting on this conversation as I prepared to write for the week, considering what it means to be where I am now versus where I was then.

From where I sit now, it seems I had to get lost in my work to discover who I am and what I was really made for in this life. I have an appreciation for the years I lived focusing on what people thought of me and the seasons when proving myself worthy was a way of life. I have compassion for myself in the places where I experienced gaps in real areas of need like being loved and belonging. It's fascinating to uncover what we do to fill in our own gaps in this life... And perhaps more so, amazing to learn how even the bad can shape us for good as we heal and move forward.

These days getting lost has taken on new meaning for me. Once my motives were identified and ironed out through a lot of personal transformation, I started imagining a future I knew I wanted but never knew how to cultivate. Of course, it's still a process, but getting lost here has looked a whole lot like trying new things. For one, when I left the non-profit world almost four years ago, I focused my business consultancy in a 'project management' direction and set aside major time to write the draft of my first full book manuscript. Within the first year and a half I understood that while I was employing skills that came naturally to me, I wasn't thoroughly enjoying most of the work I was taking on. It was risky to pivot my business to focus more in areas of strength and passion but I reached a point where it was more painful to stay the same than to pivot. While I'm still working hard to grow it, I can't express how worthwhile it has been to make the changes I've made. 

Getting lost has also meant that I've taken on side roles that met specific needs for me along the way. It has been so freeing to choose what I've needed instead of letting a role define me or my value. I took one position because the projects I'd taken on at the time had me working alone often. As an extrovert, I was experiencing a huge deficit in energy level which was actually negatively affecting my work. So, I opted to give quite a number of hours weekly in a job that didn't pay much, but afforded me the opportunity to work with people all of the time! While I was there, I gained insight into their organizational structure and what worked well and what didn't work well. I learned a ton. It helped me and I hope it helped them to have me there.

In another role I've recently stepped into on an interim basis, I'm learning a whole new skill set in business—accounting. Truth be told, this particular area feels like the antithesis to my natural wiring. In college, I felt like I was pretty terrible at it, actually. My grades were mediocre, at best, and I didn't think I had a knack for being able to understand it. Coursework in accounting was required to attain my marketing degree, so I couldn't avoid it. And, here I am 17.5 years later, working in a capacity where I'm learning pieces of it more intentionally. Life is funny... This might sound strange, but It's actually awesome to be in over my head. I know the work I'm doing now will help me in the future as I learn this new 'language' and better understand structural considerations for billing, payments, vendors, systems and more. It's pretty wonderful, actually (even on the days when I totally mess something up).

Getting lost here, in these side roles, has been an important piece in my journey forward. The intentionality required to get lost in order to move forward and have needs met is key. Who knows where we'll be a few years, after all? But what if we focus on what's in front of us, serving others and growing as people? A lot of good can come from putting ourselves in places and positions that are needed today—for ourselves and for others.

So...

• Have you gotten lost lately?
• What does it look like for you?
• Is it helping you to stay stuck or to move forward?

Hard Work Trumps Hustle

It's the end of the day. You step back from your work and take a few minutes to evaluate. You ask yourself a few questions:

• What am I thinking about?
• What do I feel about those things?
• What do I need? 
• What's my next step?

Perhaps you even jot down short bullets, phrases or sentences to capture your responses. The day is done and you get to move forward into the next item on your calendar. Maybe you're headed to dinner with a friend or your family. Maybe you've scheduled introvert time. Maybe you're on your way to the gym or out on a run. Or maybe, you've noticed that you're not quite done based on your response to the final question. You may need to stick around a little while longer to put something in order or maybe you need to reconfigure your evening to ensure you have what you need. Whatever the case, good. Do it. 

When you're done, let it go. Move on with your plans (or the updated version of those plans). Let yourself rest into your decision.

Tomorrow, do the same thing at the start of your day. Perhaps part of your "What's my next step?" from the night before included a list of where you're beginning today. But maybe you wake up today and that list needs to be tossed out. Maybe another priority came up. Maybe the way you were thinking of approaching the to-do item isn't going to work for you today. Whatever the case, embrace the reality and move forward. There's work to be accomplished and you're going to do great. Even if "the work to be accomplished" means that your decision today involves taking the day off. 

Now, I recognize that this may sound crazy to some. After all, there are real pressures and deadlines and people we are dealing with each and every day. But, each and every day we must make decisions to choose in or out.

I believe that the way we make these decisions will lead us into a mindset of rest or into a mindset of hustle. The reality is, some days we just have to keep on going. There is no opportunity to stop because of what we're facing. BUT, if we find ourselves in that place on a particular day, we get to choose into the reality. We get to say, "This must get done right now. I'm tired or [fill in the blank on what I'm experiencing], but I will do this..." I can rest into my reality by taking responsibility for it and work hard to complete whatever is before me.

So often hard work involves making hard choices. Some days, working hard means I stay with it. Some days, working hard means I let it go because I'm working hard to stay in a healthy life rhythm and my vocational work isn't everything. Staying in tune with our reality and with ourselves (that self-awareness piece) frees us to embrace what is and move forward. It all comes back to our "yes" and our "no." And I'll tell you what, we'll know pretty quickly if it was a good "yes" or a good "no" because we'll experience the fruit of it in our lives.

The thing is, hard work and rest go together. We can rest well as we work hard because we are attentive to where we're at physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Noticing where we're at and making decisions from there frees us to get what really needs to be done, done. And, when we know that we've done what needs to be done, we can call it a day and truly, genuinely REST. 

And though I used the examples of day-end and day-beginning as a possible approach to addressing our needs and our goals, we can wrap up individual pieces of our day, one at a time, and find rest between one moment and the next. It's a rhythm, after all. Rhythms are nice...

Per our earlier dialogue on "hustle" I really do understand that some people don't live "the hustle" as a mindset, but experience hustle as simple activities in their day-to-day lives that move them ahead. I appreciate these perspectives and postures. So, when I read the following, I only think of the current cultural mindset which tells us:

"Good things come to those who hustle."--Chuck Noll

"My hustle is nonstop. I never stop hustling."--Young Jeezy

"I've got a dream that's worth more than my sleep." --Unknown

"I'd rather hustle 24/7 than slave 9-5."--Unknown

This get-ahead mentality requires every part of us, all of the time. And this is the very reason I think that hard work trumps hustle...

Hard work has an end point while hustle does not. Hard work says, "I'm giving my attention and my energy to this thing that's in front of me. I'm going to do it with excellence. And, when I'm finished, I am done." Rest comes when we complete our work. We lay it down and move into a place where we have margin, once again. It's in this place of rest when we recover from our labor. As we recover by investing in things that bring us life (sleep, hobbies, spending time with life-giving people, etc), we create space for reflection, inspiration and creativity. 

I've shared recently about my own process in establishing healthy rhythms. Just weeks ago, I was in another spot where I felt exhausted. I remember looking at my to-do list one day and in the midst of noticing all I needed to accomplish, I also recognized how tired I was. Instead of forcing myself into the work, I chose to take a nap. A handful of minutes passed as I rested quietly. I hoped sleep would come, but instead I had a flurry (and when I say flurry, I mean FLURRY) of fresh ideas about upcoming topics for the blog. I was almost annoyed because each time I'd reach for my phone (which was on silent, btw) to record a new thought and replace it back on the side table, another would come. 

I remember saying aloud, "You've GOT to be kidding me... I'm so tired and now, all of this inspiration!!..." I laughed. It was ridiculous and wonderful all wrapped into one. I was reminded that day how it's in quietness, and in rest, that we find our strength. It was such a beautiful moment and a testament to this truth that when we're genuinely willing to engage what is in our moments, good fruit will come. 

And, you better believe it that when that "nap" was complete, I got back to work. I focused and moved forward. Until, of course, I was done.

So...

• What is the hard work that you need to choose into today?
• Will you allow yourself to rest when you are done?
• Or maybe, will you allow yourself to rest today so that you can work hard when your rest is done?

I hope so. Let me know how it goes, won't you? I'd love to hear.

The Hustle in the Hustle

I see it on coffee mugs and tank tops, memes and social media banners, and I hear friends say it day in and out: "Every day I'm hustlin'..." Our mantra, it seems. I've dialogued with others about this piece of our vocabulary and what it stirs in me for a couple of years now. I haven't known how to talk about it fully, but I've decided to try. This week, I received responses from a few of you on social media as you shared your thoughts on what the hustle means to you. Your perspectives were helpful! Here's what I heard you say about it:

"Doing what you need to do to get to your goal." 

"It is often associated with being opportunistic, having grit, and being responsible for making sure my goal is obtained. It is up to me, so I must do whatever is in my power to get done what needs to get done and persuading others to help me get there."

"Gotta do what I gotta do until I figure something else out."

"Hustle is working for what is good with the goal of what is best!"

"Stepping into what I need to, over and over again."

"The hustle will always be a thing!"

Do these ring true for you? What about the dictionary definitions for hustle? (Posted here.) What sort of a rhythm does the reality of hustle create in your life? If I'm honest, I've found this cultural phenomenon of "The Hustle" to be a difficult pill to swallow. Here's why...

The past 10 years of my story have afforded me a wonderful education in life rhythms. Certain seasons were so filled to the brim that my head was spinning all of the time with all of the doing. Other seasons delivered so much space to me that I'd wonder if I was adding anything meaningful to the world while I sat still, being. 

A worker bee by nature, the "being" was the harder part of the learning for me. I know this isn't true for everyone, but it took great intentionality, and quite a few years, on my part to develop a posture of rest. Workaholism plagued me in my twenties and early thirties. I was seeking to validate my existence to the world through my work. Finding remedy in the affirmations of others and their growing applause of my competence, I pushed myself excessively to continue conquering bigger mountains. And I loved it. I was good at it and even felt "alive" in it.

It's probably not surprising to hear, but I sort-of missed seeing my motive in it all. Of course, there were moments when I could feel that something wasn't right, but I trudged through those with a grittiness I'm amazed to remember I had (it's called adrenaline, by the way). But eventually, when I felt totally misunderstood, under challenged and exhausted—one can't live in fight or flight mode forever, after all—something had to give.

I broke down because quite frankly, I felt totally lost and had used all of my energy trying to prove myself. As I looked deeper, I uncovered a significant root need: to be valued and known and loved. I was trying to find love in all of the wrong places, or so the song goes... This seeing freed me to begin healing and set me on the long road back into genuine life. And healing meant that I had to come to terms with reality. I came to see how I'd been punked. The illusion I thought of as life was actually death and I felt this death profoundly.

For me, this never-ending cycle of hustle and the energy required to keep it up eventually gave out. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. One truth I've learned in this process is that hustle, as much as it is actual activity, is also a mindset. And perhaps this is where I feel confronted by our cultural embrace of the experience. I don't typically hear us saying that it's just activity. I hear us saying that we just have to keep going, no matter what. But there are times when we just have to stop. And, if we don't, there's a good chance we'll be forced to stop by exhaustion, disease, broken relationships—you name it. This is what I mean when I say, "The Hustle in the Hustle." If my mindset is set to hustle, I will always be hustling.

I don't know about you, but I find that this mindset creates a terrible life rhythm. My firsthand experience has helped me to see that when I lived it, I was never really "off" and over time, this harmed me. In the coming weeks, we'll continue to talk about this mindset and look at some alternatives. After all, my hope for myself and for you is that we are people who live a WHOLE life.   

In the meantime: 

• Do you resonate with the hustle? What does it mean to you?
• What is the nature of your current life rhythm?
• What words or feelings might you use to describe it? Why?

The Next Best Practice

Have you considered that the work you're doing at this very moment, the systems you're building or tweaking, the ideas that you're conceiving and developing a strategy around could very well be next season's best practice? Imagine it! You... Cultivating an idea or a process that will help many other people... What a wonderful reality.

Business is ever-evolving. We currently stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. Let's pause. Consider them. What have we received from these women and men who influenced our lives today? I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to avoid gratitude as I process through it. Their work made it possible for us to arrive here. Incredible.

Like them, today we're doing our best. We're taking the next step, trusting that the outcome of our work will carry the vision forward and find our hopes realized. Let's take another pause. What does your picture of a fulfilled vision look like? Jot down a few of the ideas or descriptions that come to mind.

Now I want you to consider how YOU accomplish the tasks needed to see your picture come clearly into view. No one else can achieve this vision the same way you can. Consider the people you work alongside. What they bring to the table is equally as important. The way they will achieve the vision is unique and necessary. Collaboration takes us so much farther than going it alone, after all. The picture becomes more robust and gains depth. 

Take another pause. What are you or your team members doing today that's working well for you? Consider where you learned it. Consider what you've added to it or adjusted in the process. What insights have you gained? Let's mine and find the gold! 

There's a sweetness in uncovering new best practices. First, it helps us to appreciate the beauty in the 'blur.' We recognize that our lack of clarity actually acts as a catalyst for an unfolding discovery process where we adapt and create. Second, it keeps us humble. We become mindful that, just like those who came before us, our best practice will likely be tweaked or become obsolete as new generations of men and women take their positions in the marketplace. Third, our experience gives us wisdom to offer. We get to platform, encourage and equip those who will lead in the next season.

What an amazing cycle. We receive, we learn, we create and we give back. When I imagine the honor and generosity we show throughout it, I see enormous problems being solved, collaboration replacing competition and a whole lot of enjoyment in our work replacing the sense of tediousness existing in our ongoing task lists. So hey, let's get back to it. I look forward to learning from you as you develop the next best practice!