Ignite Your Purpose

Sitting at a restaurant surrounded by some of the most wonderful ones who had gathered to celebrate my birthday this past week, a friend leaned over the table and asked:

"What moment or experience stands out as you think about your last year of life?"

Thinking quickly back over the months, I couldn't recall any specific item that stood out above the rest until I remembered this: I finally wrote out my vision, mission and purpose statements. Sharing this response, I felt surprised by how much it has mattered. But in the days since, as I've continued to consider my answer to her question, I've realized how the decision to create clarity on where I'm going has been a nothing short of a game changer for me. 

Back in the summer of 2015, I traveled up to the Northeast for a number of weeks. My time was spent celebrating friends at their wedding, studying and accomplishing research for some of the work I was preparing to step into, and soaking in time with friends in Boston. During my weeks in the city, I set aside a half day at the Boston Public Library—oh, I love it so—to capture my thoughts on where I was headed. Instead of clean statements, I found myself with loads of bullet points that painted a picture of what it would look like when I got where I was going, plus overarching ideas of what my life would become. While this part of the process helped, it still left me lacking genuine clarity.  

Fast forward to winter, 2016-2017. I had been working to tighten up the processes I walk clients through when I realized I still hadn't cleaned up my own focus. This time around, I set aside a full day for a whiteboard session and didn't leave until I captured each of my statements. I vividly remember sitting on a red chair in the empty, low-lit room, whiteboard straight ahead, with tears in my eyes as I absorbed three distinct lines written on that board that outlined what I was made to do and why it mattered. At once, it was as if I had known these truths all along, but hadn't realized them all the same. I don't quite know how to put it into words, but I understood then that this simple act was already showing me what I was to say "Yes" to and what I was to say "No" to, and it felt amazing.

Here's a question I posed on a post yesterday:

What ignites you? 

See, the things that ignite me are likely different than those that stir your passion. When each of us identifies what it is that wakes us up into alertness, tugs at our sense of justice, drives our care or compassion, brings us hope, and motivates us to action we have the ability to change the world. Genuinely. Your life matters. Your purpose matters. Your decision to clarify and live your purpose matters.

This isn't new, it's just a reminder. When we know what we're made for, we have the opportunity to create days and weeks and months and years filled with activities that are focused and filled with intentionality. We don't swirl around not knowing what we're giving our time to and why. Rather, we get up in the morning with clarity on how we are embracing the day ahead and giving our very best within it. 

This past year, I've made countless decisions differently because I've brought clarity to my purpose. I've experienced a newfound freedom to release things I care about in order to invest myself in the things I care MOST about in my days. Do you know the difference between those two realities in your own life? I'll tell you what, it's amazing when we learn it. Because, when we do, we're on the path to making our very BEST contribution. I'll tell you another what, I speak for myself here, but I think it's vital for everyone: You living in your best contribution means the world is a better place for me! And, in kind, when I live my best contribution, I make the world a better place for you!

Imagine every person on the planet doing what they are made to do. We'd all be so much better off... Isn't the simplicity of that astounding?

Yet often, as we've talked about recently, we let the world inform our standards of success and how we arrive there. Instead of buying into a worldview that leaves us both empty and constantly trying to fill up the emptiness, why not take a good look at what brings you life? The road to success and the way your success will matter for all of us begins there. 

Here's the thing, I want you to be WILDLY successful in your life. I want you to be so happy. I want you to live in a way that makes a difference in our world—a world, by the way, that is in need of so much hope and transformation right now. We need YOU to win at being YOU. So, please, please, please... Live on purpose.

If you happen to be standing still in the standstill, like we talked about last week, knowing your purpose can be key in helping you regain your courage and strength while you rest and wait. Don't lose heart. You are valuable. Even if you can't take the next step right now, remember why you're standing there (even if it's only because you're not willing to turn around and go back from whence you came). 

When you're ready to figure out what it looks like to bring clarity to your "Why" please let me make my best contribution by helping you... It brings me so much life to see you own your life and discover why it matters. I feel delighted as I imagine thousands upon thousands of people knowing and living their purpose. It's a beautiful movement that results in a bright future for us all.

Now, while I go do a bit more prep for the arrival of Hurricane Irma (please stay safe, everyone!), you can reach out to me here. 

Redefine Success

Standing with my toes in the Atlantic this week, I looked out on the expanse of water before me and felt small. I walked over a mile to reach this particular stretch of uninhabited beach with high hopes that I'd experience this very feeling. Honestly, I needed the reminder... I needed to consider the truth that while I am small, I am not insignificant. And, nothing brings me into that head space quite like the ocean (or the mountains if they were easily accessible to me these days, but I digress). 

I don't know about you, but what I thought about that day and have noticed since is how maybe we're all fighting to be significant. If we look around at current events, I think we can see this deep longing in our society, too. Our motivation to matter is profound and this longing can lead us into life or into death. I think it's where the hustle mentality comes from, actually. We want our lives to count. We want to achieve and be known for something and help people and ensure our own needs are met in the process. And these desires can be quite beautiful. But maybe we buy into the story that, to be truly significant, we must have our freedom in every aspect. Money and respect and influence ensure we achieve it. So, we keep going because, if we stop or develop rhythms of rest, we may actually have to grapple with the things that feel undone or out of control or sad in our lives.

Success is often based on these nebulous ideas of influence and resources and how we're perceived on the outside. But I think that these cultural norms we tend to honor and hold in high esteem actually serve to diminish our dignity. If we're not careful, we can be swept up into the flow of culture that tells us that being significant means finding success using some pretty shallow guidelines. Even if we're not seeking the shallow nature of outward success, we must be attentive to the influence it has on our lives, decisions and the perspectives we carry with us. 

I've thought a lot these past few weeks about my story—past and present. I've thought about my dreams and my passions. I've considered how I have the opportunity to live my purpose every day regardless of how I'm making money to pay my bills. I've wondered what it means to serve and love people well right where I'm at and how I don't need a role or a title or a high paying job to accomplish these objectives.

I've reflected on some of the clients I've worked alongside and little pieces of work I've said yes to since leaving my career in the non-profit arena. Not all of the work has been glamorous or tied into my big picture dreams for my life. Often, work has looked a lot like simply showing up and doing what is needed. My perspective on the tasks I've accomplished was the key to ensure my work meant something that day. I would choose to carry hope into the place I worked because someone I'd interact with or meet that day needed some hope.

And in this process, one of the part-time places I landed involved working in a role heavy in customer service. I don't think one can know the depths of the entitlement mentality or the beautiful gift of dignity extended until we've engaged in a role like this one. It's amazing how quickly you learn how others view success in this type of environment. My compassion for people both matured and was challenged as I engaged with some whom, upon not getting their way, quickly turned to devalue and diminish me. Having no understanding or desire to understand my perspective, abilities, or experience I was held in contempt on multiple occasions. On the other hand and in the same place, I experienced delight and unexpected care from others who took time to time to know me as a person. What a difference our posture and perspective make. 

We are not made for common things, but our perspective on the things we give our time to and the people we encounter can make them common. We can buy into what culture deems as successful or we can literally work anywhere and with anyone and cultivate meaning and hope in our days. Some seasons in a place may be long, others may be short. What does it matter, though if we're all in? If our significance is not based upon what we do but founded in who we are and who we are becoming I think we'll be just fine. 

On a call today, I was reminded of a core belief of mine and a shared belief I have with this new friend: We are made for love and to offer love. If we make our vocation to love others every day of our lives, we become successful. In that line of work, nothing is beneath us. And that kind of success ensures a life that might be small, but a life that is genuinely significant. This is the beauty of life at rest.

So...

• What is your current perspective on what it means to be successful?
• Does that perspective bring you life? How?
• Is there any part of your current perspective on success that drains the life out of you?
• How does your view of success influence the way you view and treat other people?
• Do you currently experience your life as a life at rest?

Margin, Margin, Margin

All of this talk about hustle and rest has reminded me to create more space in my life these past few weeks. Not only was it needed, but it made way for some fresh insights to surface. The result? I've been further considering how rhythms of rest free us into connection and how connection creates room for inspiration in our lives and our work. Once this cycle is complete, it seems to begin again. 

When I noticed my marked weariness, the first decision I made was to widen the margins of my mornings. Depending on my schedule for the day, I got up earlier or took more time later into the morning to listen and reflect. I made sure my phone was set to silent, then set a timer so I could rest into the quiet without concerning myself with how many minutes had ticked away. There were days when I was ushered into grief and anger. Other days, I experienced moments when I felt such a deep sense of peace and care; and others still, when I didn't think or feel much of anything. Those days, in particular, were sweet in a way because I just felt the goodness of my choice to "be." It didn't have to look or feel a certain way. I was present and that's all that seemed to matter.

I read more during the past few weeks. Everything from fiction to online articles to Scripture. I found myself craving connection to bigger picture ideas and people. I translated that into spending time sharing ideas and meeting with people. Work meetings turned into places for sweet relational sharing. I noticed that I was less "on agenda" and more focused on how the other person was doing in those settings. 

The connection spurred my creativity. I noticed my surroundings more. The extended time spent being available to people in their stories actually produced fresh inspiration in my work. I gained ideas on new approaches and tweaks I need to make in some of the tools I'm creating. I began to see my own work through new lenses which encouraged me to stay the course. And, the work itself seemed to go faster because I had more clarity on what I was doing.

Truth be told, I had a minor meltdown a few days ago in the midst of all of this, though. I called my Mom and she heard me out, but I also felt shame for the anxiety I felt that day. Minutes after we hung up, she called me back and the first words out of her mouth were, "CALM DOWN..." (Oh, mommas and their way with words to their almost 40-year-old daughters! Ha.) She proceeded to offer tangible help and a solution I badly needed. Why do I share this blurb? Because even in the midst of all of the good that came in the margin, I still faced a struggle. I found myself living in the tension of this "building season" and felt the pressure to hustle my way out of it—even to the extreme of abandoning my course for a safer path. I know better now, but it doesn't mean the temptation doesn't rear its ugly head from time to time. 

I think this is why creating margin is so critical. We can rest well and work hard and connect and be inspired, and we will still have needs. But, we're better equipped to deal with those needs when we've created space in our lives. We become more resilient as we cycle through and recognize what's most important for our thriving on a particular day or during a specific moment. When I felt overwhelmed, I needed connection and tangible help. I was able to reach out and ask for it because I was in touch with my feelings, silly as they seemed at the time. 

So...

• How would you describe how you're doing in this cycle of rest, hard work, connection, and inspiration right now? 
• Where will you create margin this week to be present with yourself?
• Who will you invite into the process to help you with any needs you notice?
• Who will you choose to be present with this week, even if it means you maneuver off of the agenda? 

Hard Work Trumps Hustle

It's the end of the day. You step back from your work and take a few minutes to evaluate. You ask yourself a few questions:

• What am I thinking about?
• What do I feel about those things?
• What do I need? 
• What's my next step?

Perhaps you even jot down short bullets, phrases or sentences to capture your responses. The day is done and you get to move forward into the next item on your calendar. Maybe you're headed to dinner with a friend or your family. Maybe you've scheduled introvert time. Maybe you're on your way to the gym or out on a run. Or maybe, you've noticed that you're not quite done based on your response to the final question. You may need to stick around a little while longer to put something in order or maybe you need to reconfigure your evening to ensure you have what you need. Whatever the case, good. Do it. 

When you're done, let it go. Move on with your plans (or the updated version of those plans). Let yourself rest into your decision.

Tomorrow, do the same thing at the start of your day. Perhaps part of your "What's my next step?" from the night before included a list of where you're beginning today. But maybe you wake up today and that list needs to be tossed out. Maybe another priority came up. Maybe the way you were thinking of approaching the to-do item isn't going to work for you today. Whatever the case, embrace the reality and move forward. There's work to be accomplished and you're going to do great. Even if "the work to be accomplished" means that your decision today involves taking the day off. 

Now, I recognize that this may sound crazy to some. After all, there are real pressures and deadlines and people we are dealing with each and every day. But, each and every day we must make decisions to choose in or out.

I believe that the way we make these decisions will lead us into a mindset of rest or into a mindset of hustle. The reality is, some days we just have to keep on going. There is no opportunity to stop because of what we're facing. BUT, if we find ourselves in that place on a particular day, we get to choose into the reality. We get to say, "This must get done right now. I'm tired or [fill in the blank on what I'm experiencing], but I will do this..." I can rest into my reality by taking responsibility for it and work hard to complete whatever is before me.

So often hard work involves making hard choices. Some days, working hard means I stay with it. Some days, working hard means I let it go because I'm working hard to stay in a healthy life rhythm and my vocational work isn't everything. Staying in tune with our reality and with ourselves (that self-awareness piece) frees us to embrace what is and move forward. It all comes back to our "yes" and our "no." And I'll tell you what, we'll know pretty quickly if it was a good "yes" or a good "no" because we'll experience the fruit of it in our lives.

The thing is, hard work and rest go together. We can rest well as we work hard because we are attentive to where we're at physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Noticing where we're at and making decisions from there frees us to get what really needs to be done, done. And, when we know that we've done what needs to be done, we can call it a day and truly, genuinely REST. 

And though I used the examples of day-end and day-beginning as a possible approach to addressing our needs and our goals, we can wrap up individual pieces of our day, one at a time, and find rest between one moment and the next. It's a rhythm, after all. Rhythms are nice...

Per our earlier dialogue on "hustle" I really do understand that some people don't live "the hustle" as a mindset, but experience hustle as simple activities in their day-to-day lives that move them ahead. I appreciate these perspectives and postures. So, when I read the following, I only think of the current cultural mindset which tells us:

"Good things come to those who hustle."--Chuck Noll

"My hustle is nonstop. I never stop hustling."--Young Jeezy

"I've got a dream that's worth more than my sleep." --Unknown

"I'd rather hustle 24/7 than slave 9-5."--Unknown

This get-ahead mentality requires every part of us, all of the time. And this is the very reason I think that hard work trumps hustle...

Hard work has an end point while hustle does not. Hard work says, "I'm giving my attention and my energy to this thing that's in front of me. I'm going to do it with excellence. And, when I'm finished, I am done." Rest comes when we complete our work. We lay it down and move into a place where we have margin, once again. It's in this place of rest when we recover from our labor. As we recover by investing in things that bring us life (sleep, hobbies, spending time with life-giving people, etc), we create space for reflection, inspiration and creativity. 

I've shared recently about my own process in establishing healthy rhythms. Just weeks ago, I was in another spot where I felt exhausted. I remember looking at my to-do list one day and in the midst of noticing all I needed to accomplish, I also recognized how tired I was. Instead of forcing myself into the work, I chose to take a nap. A handful of minutes passed as I rested quietly. I hoped sleep would come, but instead I had a flurry (and when I say flurry, I mean FLURRY) of fresh ideas about upcoming topics for the blog. I was almost annoyed because each time I'd reach for my phone (which was on silent, btw) to record a new thought and replace it back on the side table, another would come. 

I remember saying aloud, "You've GOT to be kidding me... I'm so tired and now, all of this inspiration!!..." I laughed. It was ridiculous and wonderful all wrapped into one. I was reminded that day how it's in quietness, and in rest, that we find our strength. It was such a beautiful moment and a testament to this truth that when we're genuinely willing to engage what is in our moments, good fruit will come. 

And, you better believe it that when that "nap" was complete, I got back to work. I focused and moved forward. Until, of course, I was done.

So...

• What is the hard work that you need to choose into today?
• Will you allow yourself to rest when you are done?
• Or maybe, will you allow yourself to rest today so that you can work hard when your rest is done?

I hope so. Let me know how it goes, won't you? I'd love to hear.

Rhythms of Rest

Typing out that title and this post feel a bit ironic today. My past week has been anything but restful with work commitments, the wonderful wedding of a cherished sister-friend and loads of personal to-do's that remain undone. Can you relate? Reading that short phrase again, something wells up in me... Rhythms of rest. It is an invitation that offers me the opportunity to take a deep breath today and I invite you to join me.

Here's a little activity to engage for a few extended seconds:

• Breathe for three rounds of breath.
• Maybe even close your eyes. 
• Deep inhale; extended exhale. Again. Again.

Did you think of anything? What did that feel like? I found myself wanting more time there. You? 

I've been thinking about our dialogue about the hustle again this week and have added a new reflection to the mix. I find it interesting how we hustle, hustle, hustle and simultaneously live for the weekend. We count the days down until we're done—until we can rest or do something we really want to be doing—then we hustle some more. And maybe some of us who live with the hustle mindset never really wait for the weekend because we're still hustling when we arrive there. 

What do you think? Is that true for you or people in your life? If I consider my choices this past week, I fall into both categories. This led me to further consider my actual activities and where my decisions led me. Here's what I've uncovered:

• I'm physically exhausted.
• I'm behind on a lot of stuff and have questions about how I'm practically going to stay focused and organized in order to get it all done.
• I haven't set aside enough time for my spiritual practices and I feel a little wonky.
• I miss my friends and need good connecting points right now.
• I've allowed some of my time to be swallowed up in analyzing relational realities and unfinished business instead of creating solutions and taking action.

I encourage you to take a few moments to quiet yourself and jot down a few thoughts of your own.

• What do you notice as you consider your activities from this past week?
• If you could recap your week by describing any tension you might be experiencing in a single sentence, what would you say? 

I'd say: I'm so physically drained that it's hard to be present and get things done because I just want to sleep, BUT I feel tension about taking the time to sleep because I have so much to do! Gah!

Does that resonate with anyone out there? Even if your tension is different, I imagine it has something to do with what you think you need to do and what is actually needed. This can be a place where we get stuck and then maybe we keep hustling just to keep the hustle alive instead of embracing a mindset and rhythm of rest.

So here's a question to consider... Where will I make space in my daily life to uncover where my decisions are leading me? I can break it down further by asking myself:

1. What am I doing right now?
2. Why am I doing that?
3. Where is this decision/activity leading me?
4. Is what I'm doing right now getting me where I want to be?
5. If not, what step will I take to get there in the healthiest way possible?

Choosing to live in this way creates a posture that ensures I'm resting well into my decisions by living with intentionality in my little yes's and no's. These decisions extend into my thought-life:

• What am I saying yes to in my thoughts?
• What am I saying no to in my thoughts?

Every day we make agreements inside of our heads. Our feelings follow these agreements. Our actions follow these feelings.

• Where are your thoughts leading you?
• Do they lead to a posture of hustle?
• Do they lead to a posture of rest?

In the long run, I think we actually accomplish more by taking stock of our thoughts and the postures they create in our lives, making decisions from there. I have definite room for improvement as I consider my last week. What about you?  

The Hustle in the Hustle

I see it on coffee mugs and tank tops, memes and social media banners, and I hear friends say it day in and out: "Every day I'm hustlin'..." Our mantra, it seems. I've dialogued with others about this piece of our vocabulary and what it stirs in me for a couple of years now. I haven't known how to talk about it fully, but I've decided to try. This week, I received responses from a few of you on social media as you shared your thoughts on what the hustle means to you. Your perspectives were helpful! Here's what I heard you say about it:

"Doing what you need to do to get to your goal." 

"It is often associated with being opportunistic, having grit, and being responsible for making sure my goal is obtained. It is up to me, so I must do whatever is in my power to get done what needs to get done and persuading others to help me get there."

"Gotta do what I gotta do until I figure something else out."

"Hustle is working for what is good with the goal of what is best!"

"Stepping into what I need to, over and over again."

"The hustle will always be a thing!"

Do these ring true for you? What about the dictionary definitions for hustle? (Posted here.) What sort of a rhythm does the reality of hustle create in your life? If I'm honest, I've found this cultural phenomenon of "The Hustle" to be a difficult pill to swallow. Here's why...

The past 10 years of my story have afforded me a wonderful education in life rhythms. Certain seasons were so filled to the brim that my head was spinning all of the time with all of the doing. Other seasons delivered so much space to me that I'd wonder if I was adding anything meaningful to the world while I sat still, being. 

A worker bee by nature, the "being" was the harder part of the learning for me. I know this isn't true for everyone, but it took great intentionality, and quite a few years, on my part to develop a posture of rest. Workaholism plagued me in my twenties and early thirties. I was seeking to validate my existence to the world through my work. Finding remedy in the affirmations of others and their growing applause of my competence, I pushed myself excessively to continue conquering bigger mountains. And I loved it. I was good at it and even felt "alive" in it.

It's probably not surprising to hear, but I sort-of missed seeing my motive in it all. Of course, there were moments when I could feel that something wasn't right, but I trudged through those with a grittiness I'm amazed to remember I had (it's called adrenaline, by the way). But eventually, when I felt totally misunderstood, under challenged and exhausted—one can't live in fight or flight mode forever, after all—something had to give.

I broke down because quite frankly, I felt totally lost and had used all of my energy trying to prove myself. As I looked deeper, I uncovered a significant root need: to be valued and known and loved. I was trying to find love in all of the wrong places, or so the song goes... This seeing freed me to begin healing and set me on the long road back into genuine life. And healing meant that I had to come to terms with reality. I came to see how I'd been punked. The illusion I thought of as life was actually death and I felt this death profoundly.

For me, this never-ending cycle of hustle and the energy required to keep it up eventually gave out. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. One truth I've learned in this process is that hustle, as much as it is actual activity, is also a mindset. And perhaps this is where I feel confronted by our cultural embrace of the experience. I don't typically hear us saying that it's just activity. I hear us saying that we just have to keep going, no matter what. But there are times when we just have to stop. And, if we don't, there's a good chance we'll be forced to stop by exhaustion, disease, broken relationships—you name it. This is what I mean when I say, "The Hustle in the Hustle." If my mindset is set to hustle, I will always be hustling.

I don't know about you, but I find that this mindset creates a terrible life rhythm. My firsthand experience has helped me to see that when I lived it, I was never really "off" and over time, this harmed me. In the coming weeks, we'll continue to talk about this mindset and look at some alternatives. After all, my hope for myself and for you is that we are people who live a WHOLE life.   

In the meantime: 

• Do you resonate with the hustle? What does it mean to you?
• What is the nature of your current life rhythm?
• What words or feelings might you use to describe it? Why?