On Purpose: Getting Lost

"Are you a workaholic?" A newer friend asked with sincerity in the middle of a party.

"No, but I used to be..." I replied.

We were sitting on the sofa in our friend's house catching up a bit when the conversation went deep. I like deep, so I was in my element.

"It's really just a busy season and I knew it was coming. Now that I'm in it, I'm noticing how long my days are and how much capacity I have to accomplish again. But I am tired right now. It's a lot." I added.

She nodded and I continued, "Busy is different than what it used to be because my motives have changed as I've gotten into the roots of why I did what I did back then..."

You could say I was lost for a long time and a few years back, I began to find my footing again. I've been reflecting on this conversation as I prepared to write for the week, considering what it means to be where I am now versus where I was then.

From where I sit now, it seems I had to get lost in my work to discover who I am and what I was really made for in this life. I have an appreciation for the years I lived focusing on what people thought of me and the seasons when proving myself worthy was a way of life. I have compassion for myself in the places where I experienced gaps in real areas of need like being loved and belonging. It's fascinating to uncover what we do to fill in our own gaps in this life... And perhaps more so, amazing to learn how even the bad can shape us for good as we heal and move forward.

These days getting lost has taken on new meaning for me. Once my motives were identified and ironed out through a lot of personal transformation, I started imagining a future I knew I wanted but never knew how to cultivate. Of course, it's still a process, but getting lost here has looked a whole lot like trying new things. For one, when I left the non-profit world almost four years ago, I focused my business consultancy in a 'project management' direction and set aside major time to write the draft of my first full book manuscript. Within the first year and a half I understood that while I was employing skills that came naturally to me, I wasn't thoroughly enjoying most of the work I was taking on. It was risky to pivot my business to focus more in areas of strength and passion but I reached a point where it was more painful to stay the same than to pivot. While I'm still working hard to grow it, I can't express how worthwhile it has been to make the changes I've made. 

Getting lost has also meant that I've taken on side roles that met specific needs for me along the way. It has been so freeing to choose what I've needed instead of letting a role define me or my value. I took one position because the projects I'd taken on at the time had me working alone often. As an extrovert, I was experiencing a huge deficit in energy level which was actually negatively affecting my work. So, I opted to give quite a number of hours weekly in a job that didn't pay much, but afforded me the opportunity to work with people all of the time! While I was there, I gained insight into their organizational structure and what worked well and what didn't work well. I learned a ton. It helped me and I hope it helped them to have me there.

In another role I've recently stepped into on an interim basis, I'm learning a whole new skill set in business—accounting. Truth be told, this particular area feels like the antithesis to my natural wiring. In college, I felt like I was pretty terrible at it, actually. My grades were mediocre, at best, and I didn't think I had a knack for being able to understand it. Coursework in accounting was required to attain my marketing degree, so I couldn't avoid it. And, here I am 17.5 years later, working in a capacity where I'm learning pieces of it more intentionally. Life is funny... This might sound strange, but It's actually awesome to be in over my head. I know the work I'm doing now will help me in the future as I learn this new 'language' and better understand structural considerations for billing, payments, vendors, systems and more. It's pretty wonderful, actually (even on the days when I totally mess something up).

Getting lost here, in these side roles, has been an important piece in my journey forward. The intentionality required to get lost in order to move forward and have needs met is key. Who knows where we'll be a few years, after all? But what if we focus on what's in front of us, serving others and growing as people? A lot of good can come from putting ourselves in places and positions that are needed today—for ourselves and for others.

So...

• Have you gotten lost lately?
• What does it look like for you?
• Is it helping you to stay stuck or to move forward?

On Purpose: Making It

"If you're not doing something you're passionate about, bring your passion into it."

—John Rivers—

A few weeks ago, I went to hear a local entrepreneur share his story on the journey into his purpose. My head ached a bit from nodding in agreement for the full hour—let's just say that I resonated deeply with his story. He shared poignant insights, including the quote above, about what it takes to make it into our purpose. It was so encouraging to hear someone who changed careers, after decades in his last, unpack how he landed right where he was meant to be. 

The main messages I felt freshly encouraged by from his talk were these:

• Often, we're motivated by realities that are in direct opposition to our actual purpose (e.g. money, security, incongruent outlook on success, etc).
• Learning ourselves takes time, but we may just find that we also know ourselves pretty well already if we're willing to take a good look in the mirror.
• Who we were in our childhood isn't so different than who we're meant to become as adults.

The truth is, we may not be currently living our exact purpose in the way it will unfold over the course of our lives. But, that doesn't mean that we cannot bring meaning and hope to our days. In fact, when we have clarity on what we're made for, we can actually inject that purpose right where we're living.

For example, when I was little I loved being with my friends, talking and looking pretty. I laugh at the latter because, well, what in the world? BUT, the truth is, a beautiful aesthetic is still of great value to me, both as a person and in the way I develop my surroundings. I love to be with people and hear their stories. It brings me joy to be helpful by seeing the people in front of me and drawing connections between who they are and how they matter to the world. People, conversation, and beauty are foundational pieces of my life today. And while I've developed a lot of clarity on my purpose over the years, simply having these three pieces of understanding to "run with" enable me to focus well in my days—they're a great launching point. 

We've talked before about the small steps it takes to achieve our goals and dreams. Living our life's purpose is not separate from this reality. We must start somewhere. Identifying what motivates and encourages us, what bothers us and what brings us life will provide a foundational understanding of where we're headed. And when we're striving for our more and taking care of ourselves along the way, we also must consider what is true of our lives in the present.

A great friend provided helpful advice for me in my early twenties. She said I ought to try as many things as possible in my career and curated experiences, in particular. It was time to explore and better learn about me. In my early thirties I had a much better understanding of who I was, but honestly, the wins and failures I'd experienced in my twenties taught me lessons that, in turn, soured my motivations. They became skewed by what I thought success should be in my life based on a pretty insecure foundation. I had these ideas of how I wanted to be viewed and what my contributions ought to mean to others. In the process, I really lost sight of who I was and who I wanted to become in vital ways. Good advice paired with an insecure me taught me a lot... 

Like John Rivers, I had an awakening but my path still wasn't clear. Over the past five to seven years, I've developed a deeper contentment with not knowing how it all turns out because I've learned who I want to be. I now know that I'm investing well in that bright future. Each step brings deeper clarity and understanding. Every new turn in the road feels like an adventure, not a new piece of uncertainty. 

My favorite phrase for my own journey has become this: Life is a great adventure! I say it as often as possible to remind myself of my choice in outlook. I've been learning to embrace what I don't know as an opportunity for learning and transformation. 

Truth be told, most days I mean it and some days are still hard. I find that no matter how happy we are about who we're becoming, from time to time we're going to encounter circumstances that challenge our contentment and hope. But, we don't make it into our purpose without challenges. We make it there by reminding ourselves of the truth and staying the course. (It also doesn't hurt to surround ourselves with people who tell us the truth on our dark days, too...) To do all of this, we have to know what the goal of the course is... After all, if we haven't defined who we're becoming, it's going to be hard to stay committed in the hard times.

And for the record, I really believe you're going to make it. I'm rooting for you. Please let me know when you'd like my help along the way.

So...

• Do you know what you were made for and what it will take for you to become that person?
• Have you ever thought about what you liked to do as a child and how that applies to life today?
• Are the current realities of your life aligned with who you want to be long-term?

Our Purpose: Personal Health

Last weekend was an absolute blur. Packed from start to finish with people plans, I marveled at my capacity to do it all. I've recently adjusted my weekly work rhythm and in this type of season, I'm typically more tired than not. But not last weekend. I felt energized, present in my life, and despite a blip of disappointment that arrived on my radar, hopeful.

Sunday morning a friend came over for coffee. I was up early to try my hand at converting my favorite protein-packed snack recipe from banana nut into pumpkin muffins. Baking away, I noticed how happy I was to be trying something new by expanding my options for a healthy on-the-go bite in my week. It was fun to be back in the kitchen and to later share those muffins, coffee, and stories with my friend.

I don't know about you, but I often experience seasons when I'm a little more aware of my physical health. My nutritional choices play a huge part in how I feel from day to day, of course, but I realize taking care of myself can be more involved than that. Personally, I like to give myself room to flex on how I maintain personal health from one season to the next. I'm someone who needs change to stay engaged. Some people need stability and more of an ongoing routine. Staying healthy has so much to do with knowing how we're wired and what is good for us in the season we're in.

My schedule change has me up between 5 and 5:30 AM these days. I had no idea how welcome this adjustment would be for me. My most alert and productive time is in the morning hours and I the shift has me working well with who I am. It has afforded me an earlier bedtime which has me feeling more rested overall. The quiet mornings have helped me to feel less rushed and more focused on what my day will become. Even after a long day of work appointments, I'm coming home and feeling energized to get out for a walk and picking up the house! And, instead of opting for more time alone after extra full days, last night I even reached out to a friend to see if she'd get out on that walk with me.

On top of this, I've been pretty aware of my sugar intake recently (including alcohol). I've decided to cut back again and focus more on eating natural sugars and getting more whole foods into my body. Don't get me wrong, you will see me with chocolate in hand here and there. I'm just choosing less of it right now. This decision has freed me up to say a good "yes" and a good "no" in my days. It has also created the space for me listen to that inner voice that tells me when I'm making a choice from a motive that will lead into life or death. All of this has left me feeling very encouraged.

If you can't tell, I'm sort of marveling at it all right now. I don't know about you, but sometimes I forget how simple it can be to have my needs met. Sometimes, a simple schedule change or the decision to give more attention to what I'm putting into my body is all I need to move forward with ease. I'm feeling freshly inspired as a result of these small adjustments. This inspiration has cultivated new ideas and solutions for the circumstances I'm facing both personally and professionally. 

To me, that's how all of this connects back to living on purpose... It's incredibly valuable to look at basic realities like our sleeping and waking time, our nutrition and our physical activity levels to make the necessary tweaks that will free us up into more energy and more hope in our days. When we're taking care of our personal health, we're positioning ourselves to create the future we're dreaming of and working towards. It's all connected. 

So...

• What practical steps are you taking to care well for yourself in the season you're in? Or: What practical steps will you take to care well for yourself in the season you're in?
• Consider the week ahead. Is there anything in your life/schedule that you will tweak to ensure you're rested, filled with energy and hope?

Take good care of yourself, won't you? You matter. Don't forget.

On Purpose: Imagine Your "More"

Sitting to write out a note to my friend in celebration of her birthday, I found myself penning, "MORE" as I thought of my hopes for her new year of life. I wondered what this idea of "MORE" would mean to her as she considered her present circumstances and the possibilities ahead. I started to dream on her behalf, imagining a greater freedom in the pieces of life and relationships that bring her the most energy and joy. I smiled thinking of what could be on the horizon for her. Of course, she is ultimately responsible for her "MORE" but I liked considering it, nonetheless. 

The whole process got me thinking... Are we all reaching for more? And not by striving in the way that the world around us tells us to, per say. Often, that type of "more" tends to represent more money, belongings or more success that can be defined in a way that keeps us hustling and never really living in rest. But what I mean is, OUR more. The positive "What if's" and the outlook that keeps us holding tightly to hope and awe. I could use a little more awe in my life... What about you?

Side note: if your "more" involves money or success in your career, please hear me well when I say that these can be worthy endeavors! I think it all comes back to our motivations. And, our motives can be linked to lovely and honorable things. We just have to be honest with ourselves about our actual "Why." 

A few days into these considerations, I was at the home of a friend who has several lovely orchids. I noticed a fallen blossom and picked it up to examine it. Even in the midst of being disconnected from the vine and a bit withered, I was struck by its beauty. The ivory bloom still brought joy and a sense of delight in its detached state. Every metaphor will fail at some juncture, of course, but here's what occurred to me... When we stay connected with the part of us that longs for the mysterious unfolding of our purpose in our daily lives, we position ourselves to grasp this "More." Thankfully, there can still be beauty and joy in life without it, but by remaining attached to our purpose, and our hope, we step into a whole new level of vibrancy in our lives.

This begs the question: If it is indeed possible for us to thrive continually in our lives, why don't we stay connected to the "more?"

While there are many reasons, I imagine some include...

• We've been burned when we've risked for the "more" in the past.
• Life has gotten in the way, somehow.
• People have failed us.
• We've set our expectations upon an outcome that hasn't come to pass.
• We've hoped and we've found ourselves disappointed.
• We've encountered a storm and the aftermath has left us exhausted, unable to really tap into the "more."

Reviewing this list, I think of conversation after conversation I have with people about their purpose. Each one has expressed a desire to do what they were made to do in this life, but the road hasn't always been easy. Our personal experiences can limit our ability to dream of the "more." We can be held back by our past disappointments, thought patterns, behaviors and beyond. So, when we begin to imagine our "more" we must also be willing to look at what keeps us from it. We must explore the root tendencies that keep us from staying connected to the proverbial vine so we can move forward.

So... 

• When you think about your "more," what does that list include?
• How do these hopes and dreams connect back to your purpose?
• What past experiences tell you that the "more" isn't possible? 

Take a good look this week. It's time to begin living your best life and fulfilling your purpose. And, this process starts with your willingness to say, "I want more..." Let the imagining begin!!

Storms: Healthy and Hopeful

The calm before the storm has settled in and we've surrendered to the reality that it's coming. We have an important choice to make now. How will we weather it? The truth is, the only way beyond this storm is through it. Facing the storm and all that it triggers inside of us presents us with opportunities to grow and change. But, what does it look like to move through the storm in health?

Yesterday, I had the privilege of seeing and learning from one of my mentors at a training he was facilitating. Right before I left, he offered this bit of wisdom to the participants: "All transformation begins with personal transformation." I allowed his words to soak in again. I've heard them before and I genuinely need to hear them often because this truth is intricately connected to how we weather life's storms in health.

We will only move forward to the extent that we are willing to look at the unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that exist in our lives in order to address them. Often, storms trigger symptoms of the root beliefs that keep us imprisoned in unhealthy patterns and habits. While many of us may be unaware of the exact triggers, we can begin to notice our behaviors that indicate we're not doing well. For me, I know I'm struggling when I'm...

• ...eating all of the sugar in sight.
• ...peeling my fingernails off (gross, I know!).
• ...having a hard time falling asleep.
• ...starting to become more judgemental towards others and offering less grace.
• ...cleaning my house incessantly.
• ...disconnecting from the people I usually want to spend time with regularly.

And, when two or more of these behaviors are in play, I'm in deep! When I'm able to see this, I have new decisions to make... How will I choose to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing?

Here are some of my personal strategies...

I phone or text or try to grab coffee with a friend. Chances are high that I need relational connection and when I invite a friend to help me process my experience, it typically helps me to gain a greater understanding of the symptoms and my root belief. Plus, it kills isolation and moves me back into community.

Getting out to get some exercise and perspective is another great option for me. Sometimes all it takes to get in touch with my thoughts and feelings is to actively create space to engage them. Being outside is a huge win for me, personally.

The other, more tangible, option to look into the root, is to sit myself down and write out the behavior and consider what I was feeling right before I engaged it. Sometimes, I have to look back over the last few days or the week. Once I identify the feeling or feelings, I look for the thought behind it. I write the thought (or thoughts) out so I can see them in black and white. I ask myself, "Is this true?" It's amazing how many thoughts actually aren't true. Though, often, they have a hint of truth in them which makes them all the easier to believe if I'm not paying attention. I then write the actual truth and practice replacing the old thought with the new thought whenever it comes up.

When I take the time to notice and address my thoughts and feelings, I notice I weather storms very differently. I engage these practices along the way, throughout the stages leading up to the storm, as well. It may feel tiring to consider looking into why we're feeling fear, anxiety, confusion, chaos and the like, but what is the alternative? Allowing these realities to rule us only makes it more difficult to make it through life's storms. But, the truth is, we have to practice and practice requires time and energy. 

Transformation doesn't necessarily happen overnight. Like most experiences in life, it is a process. But, the sooner we say "yes," the sooner we will experience the hardships and challenges in life with more peace and grace. After all, when one storm passes, we can be certain that another will develop on a future horizon—whether soon or distant. While this might be a difficult pill to swallow, we don't have to dread the coming storms. We can view them as gateways into deeper understanding, healing, and hope. We can live with positive expectancy—since we made it through the last storm, we have what it takes to weather this one, as well. And hopefully, we'll do so without befriending the things that steal life from us... 

So...

• How might you practice today? Whether you are in a storm, see one approaching on the horizon or are storm-less... Today is a good day to begin more deeply engaging your transformational process.
• What habits indicate you're in stress? If you're unsure, ask a trusted friend, spouse, colleague, or family member what they've noticed about you. The people in our lives often have incredible insight into our behaviors.
• How will you address your stress habits? Write out three ideas that will help you move out of stress when you notice that you're operating in it.

Need help? I'm always here and happy to come alongside you. Here's to weathering storms in health and hope from today forward!

Storms: Horizons of Hope

In the week or so leading up to Irma, I found it difficult to want to stay connected on social media. Words like catastrophic, monster, and devastating were being used to describe the impending storm. Fear was rising and spread like wildfire as people began to express their growing anxiety. With each new detail offered about the hurricane and the path it might take, preparation, evacuation and the safety of loved ones became a prominent focus. 

Offline, a friend's dad reported watching as a baker was delivering bread to the shelves of a local grocery store when he was rushed by a crowd, who picked the bread out of his hands before he had a chance to complete his work. News reports and social media posts showed stores emptied of water and lines of people waiting for resources that would help them to weather the storm. The perspective continually offered was one of lack—all of the build-up was incredible, honestly. 

It's not that it was a bad idea to stay informed and prepare for the storm. There's so much wisdom in doing what we know to be good and right when we have the means to see the storm on the horizon, after all. Personally, I had to limit my intake of the information and dialogue, though because panic and fear aren't life-giving friends. And, most of the news and the language used was positioned from those mindsets. Getting caught up in it seemed like a trap. 

When counseling and coaching people through fear and anxiety, I encourage them to let their thoughts go into the worst-case scenario. What if that terrible thing DID happen? How would you process through it? What would life become in the aftermath?

The truth is, there were some in our communities who experienced those very things. Our greatest fears about the storm and the damage it might cause became their reality. Perhaps we know these dear ones personally—their loss is unimaginable and we can now come alongside them in it. Perhaps we don't know them personally. While we might feel compassion from a distance, we may also feel thankful that it wasn't us... It's strange and messy to process through these complex experiences of grief and gratitude.

That said, most of us didn't experience our worst-case scenarios and I've been wondering where that leaves us as new storms will certainly emerge on the horizon in the future. Specifically, I wonder: 

• Did fear serve me? How?
• Did anxiety help me? How?
• What decisions did I make that left me without peace and hope as the storm approached?
• At the end of the day, did those decisions make my life better? Did those decisions make life better for the people I love?

I consider the same questions for the storms we are not prepared for in this life. When an unexpected storm is upon us, a different sort of fight or flight response is initiated for survival, but our choice to notice what's happening and live in fear and anxiety remains.   

In the past month or so, I've been adjusting my personal focus to the positive "What If's..."

• What if we make it?
• What if the damage won't be nearly as bad as the projections say?
• What if this is an opportunity for me to care well for the people around me?
• What if I bring peace into this scary situation? 
• What if the worst happens... And, what if this "seeing" is an opportunity for me to reconnect to what's most important right now?

As you look back at your experiences over the past few weeks, then around you to notice the storms you're currently facing, and finally, ahead of you, noticing the storms you see developing on the horizon, I encourage you to take stock of how you're processing through them.

Will you choose to befriend fear, anxiety, and panic?

Or...

Will you choose to befriend peace?

We really can maintain a hopeful view of the storm on the horizon, regardless of the anticipated outcome.

Life in the In-Between

Summertime throughout my childhood was marked by make-believe play, tv, drinking pop and afternoon thunderstorms. Mom and Dad both worked, and when we were old enough we were left in the capable hands of ourselves, under the supervision of my older brother. I have so many memories of those summers, but the thunderstorms stand out the most.

Day in and out, thunderheads would form high in the sky above us. The landscape would grow darker and darker as one set of menacing clouds joined another, forming one gigantic storm. The Rockies would change before our eyes, becoming less majestic and more foreboding. Then the thunder would begin with its powerful rumbles signifying the unleashing of the weather upon us. Bolts of lightning would light up the interior of the thunderheads and at times, shoot down beneath the cloud cover to strike where they may.  

Our German Shepherd would fight his way into the house and into the bathroom tub or down into the basement. He and I shared the same sentiment: "Get me out of here!" I'd run to the large window of our walk-out basement, facing the rolling range of the back acreage, to trace the line of clouds as far as my eyes could see to determine whether the familiar circular motion of a funnel cloud was forming or not. I'd watch the colors, hoping they stayed gray, free of the green haze that came from the atmospheric change signaling the possibility of a tornado.

When I caught a glimpse of a low, straight line along the cloud horizon that seemed likely to form a funnel, I'd run the 30 steps to my bedroom and prepare for the worst. Pulling my comforter, stuffed animals, pillows, Bible and a flashlight into my closet, I'd shut myself in and pray. Where were my siblings? I have no idea. I'd lose track of the reality that I wasn't physically alone, somehow. At the end of a storm, I'd resurface and trace the lines in the clouds, once again, to ensure all was safe. Life would go back to normal, on that side of the storm.

Growing older, I noticed how my posture towards these storms changed. In fact, I've grown to love and appreciate thunderstorms. There's something about the build up, the anticipation of the storm. When it comes, there's a release. The atmosphere shifts, often bringing cooler temperatures and a deep sigh. No doubt that storms can create damage, but this truth doesn't diminish the reality that there's something awe-inspiring about them. When they're over, I've seen how I have fresh perspective and appreciation for my life—just as it is.

I've been thinking a lot about storms as they pertain to our lives this week. We're standing in one piece of land for a time, then a storm moves through and gives us the opportunity to reflect on what we want, what we value. The aftermath has this way of revealing what we internalized in the middle of it, in the waiting. We see our lives and the land differently after waiting out a storm. 

Yesterday, a friend shared another metaphor with me— this one, involving archery. She shared how the arrow has to be pulled back to the place of greatest tension before it can be released in order to hit its target. When it's not pulled back far enough, it lacks the momentum required to make it to the bullseye. And, when a person isn't lined up correctly and releases the arrow too soon, it also results in a miss. Tension and timing are everything. 

Often, we don't want to experience the tension, or the storm for that matter. It's uncomfortable to stay put, so maybe we jump in too soon or hide away hoping it'll pass. Maybe we don't embrace the tension to the fullest extent because it's just too hard to stay in it. Mixed metaphors aside, today, I'm encouraging us to stay. 

New "seeing" awaits us on the other side of the storms we face in our lives. Perhaps we have the new ground in clear view, just ahead. Maybe we're wondering what it takes to cross the threshold, but we're experiencing the tension of being pulled back tightly in the waiting. We don't want to release the arrow too soon. We want it to hit the bullseye.

The waiting itself might seem like a storm. But, perhaps things aren't correctly lined up just yet. Wouldn't we rather wait so we might actually hit our target? Waiting can feel unproductive and painful. Believe me when I tell you that I live the reality of this truth regularly. I like to achieve and when I see the green lights in a direction, I'm ready to go. To be held back by a storm, or the appearance of a storm, feels awful. But, then I remember the beautiful aftermath... 

The air clears, there's a fresh vitality to the land and all of that build up created space for a wonderful release. Each time I take a step forward from this place, I really do experience gratitude—it's cultivated in me through the process. I find myself saying, "If only I had known..." 

So today, I remind you that you do know. You've been here before and you made it. It's not that you didn't struggle or that you walked away without being affected by the experience, but you lived. I think that's the point.

Life is full of tension and storms. What matters is our view of them and what we allow them to accomplish in us. We cannot take new ground in our lives without this tension and without the storms. They actually show us what we're made of and give us the opportunity to authentically live from that place by showing us what we really, really want. Not only that, but they reveal who we really are at the core.

So...

• Where are you experiencing a storm today? 
• What do you think about it? What do you feel about it? 
• What would it mean for the trajectory of your life if you willingly stayed the course through the tension you're experiencing there? 
• Will you? 

Start Small (Your People)

Who are your people? I've been mulling this question over again as I've thought about our ongoing conversation about starting small. The people we choose to give access to along the way can have a profound impact on where we end up, after all. Perhaps, like me, you've had someone counsel you to choose your friends and advisors wisely. But I wonder: How is that going for you today? 

A few years ago, a friend and I got together to catch up as we do from time to time. During that dialogue, he pointed out a pretty massive truth to me which, in short, was that I didn't actually have many real friends. Sure, I had a lot of people in and around my life but in the end, many of them were people I gave to without receiving much in return. And mostly, I'd set it up that way. (Yikes.) His words struck a deep chord within me and set me in a new direction with a fresh intention: identify what a real friend is for me, search them out and let them in.

I'm going to make an important note here before moving along... These people mentioned above are valuable. I consider it an honor to have poured into them, so as I took new steps forward, I didn't seek to minimize them in any way or cut ties. But, I needed to notice what was true of my relationships and live from a new perspective, putting healthy boundaries in place. These decisions freed me to thrive relationally and continue to pour out into others.

Since that time I've made intentional choices with regard to my inner circle. Different seasons also provide different people, so I've kept that in mind. Those who have up-close access to me these days are people with whom I experience a reciprocal relationship. It's not that I keep tabs on how much each of us is giving/receiving, but I do walk in an observant awareness to ensure I'm not falling back into my old habits. I need people in my life who love and support me; and you do, too.

• Who "sees" you and encourages you?
• Who helps you to think through how to take your next step forward?
• Who reaches out to check in on you?
• Who tells you the truth with love, even when it's hard to hear?
• Who sticks with you as you seek transformation?
• Who invites you to share more about your dreams and cheers you on?
• Who tangibly shows up to help with their time, resources and talent?
• Who makes time for you?
• And hey, who makes you laugh? (Seriously.)

In 2017, and for the first time ever on my strategic plan, I wrote down the names of the people I wanted to spend time with during the year. I laughed when I did it because it felt so formal, but I knew it was my right next step in this process. I included a few categories:

• People who are more mature and experienced than I am in business. They are helping me to live a whole life while building my companies.
• People who stick with me and come to mind as I ask myself the above questions. My people!
• People who are life-giving and genuinely fun to be around. Even if I don't get much time with them, it's time well-spent.

I love my list and I'm thankful for the people I have for this season. 

Truth be told, as I wrote names down I did experience some guilt thinking of a dear friend or two that I didn't include on it. That said, I realized that sometimes even the people we love aren't life-giving for us and/or sometimes they aren't meant to be walking closely with us right now and that's okay. When we can acknowledge and live in what is presently true, it frees us to continue to love well through our seasons. In order to do so, we need the life-giving people, though. Like, MUST HAVE them. Then we have the support we need so we can be present and pour out in our other relationships.

So maybe today you answer the questions above and write out a list. Maybe you take stock of your current relationships and notice those who pour into you and those you give to regularly. Perhaps you make some new decisions about who you'll invite in as you take your small steps to achieve your big dreams while thanking everyone along the way. Let's keep our eyes wide open and notice our supporters and those we need to ask to join us on our journey. We can't do it without them, after all.