There’s a saying I heard growing up, and perhaps you did, too. People would say, “Wow, she/he’s so comfortable in her/his own skin.” Some folks seemed to come by this “comfort” with ease and early on, while others seemed to gain it over time. In my case, it regularly eluded me.

When I took a vocational leap and moved to Boston in the early 2000s, a friend sent me a card during that transition season with this cover and inscription: Your strength may surprise you … The rest of us already know.

I was undone by these words because I really didn’t see it. My approach was always one of, this makes sense so I’ll step into it. Logic-based, with a hint of mystery, continues to be my posture. Over the years since that first big leap and move, others would encourage me and share how special they thought I was and I’d politely nod my head and thank them but honestly, I’d leave those conversations and wonder what they meant. For a long, long time and in so many respects, I didn’t know who I really was, what I was made of, and why it mattered.

Instead, I faced an internal battle where I wrestled constantly with comparison, insecurity, and even jealousy. I felt nervous around people who seemed to know who they were and where they were headed. In the wake of their confidence, often I’d shrink when I could have risen. I felt so less-than in many ways, but I also struggled with pride in areas of competence. If you’ve been around me at all, you likely know that piece of my story. Becoming competent meant safety, security, belonging, and acceptance. It kept me in control. Competence was the end-all for me for a long, long time. If I didn’t feel competent or see myself as capable to become competent in a job role or relational interaction, I’d typically bow out.

In my early days of entrepreneurism, I depended on the confidence others had in me in order to keep going and take the necessary risks while working to develop and grow my companies. But I lacked confidence in myself. I’ve often looked back on those days and wondered how I really could have better served my clients if only I’d believed in myself and trusted my voice. Leaning heavily on my talents, I really didn’t understand how being myself, in all the complexity and simplicity, was the special offering I had to make. Being that person was really what mattered and what was needed.

When I talk to you about living your purpose and getting freed up from the realities that keep you stuck, I do it from a place of compassion. I’ve lived it. I was so, so stuck for many years without knowing how being stuck affected every aspect of my life. But, for the most part, I looked very good on the outside. I kept it together because if I didn’t, all of the pieces I juggled would come crashing down. My life was like a house of cards. And I knew it. I didn’t want to be found out. I was terrified of what would happen if people knew how deeply I struggled, how ugly my thoughts were, how truly incapable I felt most of the time, and how much I depended on their approval to keep it together. I gave so much power away in my dependency on others and in my insatiable need of their acceptance.

My constant encouragement as I look back on those seasons is knowing that God knew. He knew the roots. He knew the why. He knew what He made me to be and how to get me freed up to live wholly myself. He knew what it would take for me to be comfortable in my own skin.

And it has been a journey, filled with literal trials and errors. My experiences have stretched me. I’ve been invited into places and into relationships I never could have anticipated back then. I’ve been rejected. I’ve been betrayed. I’ve been misunderstood. I’ve caused harm. I’ve worked to reconcile. I’ve been released. I’ve been supported. Seasons have been race-car-fast and slower than molasses. Life has been my classroom. Relationships have been my teachers. Work experiences have inevitably shaped me and equipped me for what’s next. Nothing has been wasted.

Let me say that again … NOTHING has been wasted.

And I’m still in it today. I haven’t arrived. This past year, I’ve been pursuing with great intentionality deeper healing with my family. I’ve gone back to the drawing board to discern better what I really am made to offer to my clients. My heart has enlarged as I’ve witnessed the harm we cause one another out in society, as a whole, and what I’m to do about that from my place of influence. Priorities have had to be evaluated and aligned better with what’s most important for me to give time to, create, and steward.

If I told you what I’ve lost along this journey, some of it would break your heart. If I’ve told you what I’ve gained along this journey, you’d likely be in awe. It’s a mixed bag, my friends. What I continue to cling to in the place of moving forward is that I’m not alone, there is purpose, hope, and joy, and that transformation is not only real but so very possible. It’s a step-by-step process, and it’s more practical than any of us might imagine. It’s not easy, it’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s so very worth it.

The more I’ve stepped into that place of comfort in being myself, the clearer I’ve been on what I’m here for, and the more willing I’ve been to let people, work, and inferior motives, practices, and ways of being go (like, “There’s the door—see ya!”). I’ve been learning what I have time for and what I don’t have time for—I’ve made decision-after-decision to keep going in the face of adversity. I’ve looked and continue to look closely at my own motives and agreements in order to gain deeper levels of freedom so I can be the most whole, free, and joyful me.

And, it’s what I invite you into—this is why I’m here. To journey with you through the highs and lows and in-betweens. By Grace, I’ve continued to move forward and in the Truth, I continue to transform. These realities cannot exist apart from one another, after all.

So, what do you say that we all keep going and growing? Let’s choose in, let’s allow ourselves the honor of becoming who we were made to be, and let’s take joy in the mystery of the process. Let’s be those who are truly comfortable in our own skin.