Redefine Success

Standing with my toes in the Atlantic this week, I looked out on the expanse of water before me and felt small. I walked over a mile to reach this particular stretch of uninhabited beach with high hopes that I'd experience this very feeling. Honestly, I needed the reminder... I needed to consider the truth that while I am small, I am not insignificant. And, nothing brings me into that head space quite like the ocean (or the mountains if they were easily accessible to me these days, but I digress). 

I don't know about you, but what I thought about that day and have noticed since is how maybe we're all fighting to be significant. If we look around at current events, I think we can see this deep longing in our society, too. Our motivation to matter is profound and this longing can lead us into life or into death. I think it's where the hustle mentality comes from, actually. We want our lives to count. We want to achieve and be known for something and help people and ensure our own needs are met in the process. And these desires can be quite beautiful. But maybe we buy into the story that, to be truly significant, we must have our freedom in every aspect. Money and respect and influence ensure we achieve it. So, we keep going because, if we stop or develop rhythms of rest, we may actually have to grapple with the things that feel undone or out of control or sad in our lives.

Success is often based on these nebulous ideas of influence and resources and how we're perceived on the outside. But I think that these cultural norms we tend to honor and hold in high esteem actually serve to diminish our dignity. If we're not careful, we can be swept up into the flow of culture that tells us that being significant means finding success using some pretty shallow guidelines. Even if we're not seeking the shallow nature of outward success, we must be attentive to the influence it has on our lives, decisions and the perspectives we carry with us. 

I've thought a lot these past few weeks about my story—past and present. I've thought about my dreams and my passions. I've considered how I have the opportunity to live my purpose every day regardless of how I'm making money to pay my bills. I've wondered what it means to serve and love people well right where I'm at and how I don't need a role or a title or a high paying job to accomplish these objectives.

I've reflected on some of the clients I've worked alongside and little pieces of work I've said yes to since leaving my career in the non-profit arena. Not all of the work has been glamorous or tied into my big picture dreams for my life. Often, work has looked a lot like simply showing up and doing what is needed. My perspective on the tasks I've accomplished was the key to ensure my work meant something that day. I would choose to carry hope into the place I worked because someone I'd interact with or meet that day needed some hope.

And in this process, one of the part-time places I landed involved working in a role heavy in customer service. I don't think one can know the depths of the entitlement mentality or the beautiful gift of dignity extended until we've engaged in a role like this one. It's amazing how quickly you learn how others view success in this type of environment. My compassion for people both matured and was challenged as I engaged with some whom, upon not getting their way, quickly turned to devalue and diminish me. Having no understanding or desire to understand my perspective, abilities, or experience I was held in contempt on multiple occasions. On the other hand and in the same place, I experienced delight and unexpected care from others who took time to time to know me as a person. What a difference our posture and perspective make. 

We are not made for common things, but our perspective on the things we give our time to and the people we encounter can make them common. We can buy into what culture deems as successful or we can literally work anywhere and with anyone and cultivate meaning and hope in our days. Some seasons in a place may be long, others may be short. What does it matter, though if we're all in? If our significance is not based upon what we do but founded in who we are and who we are becoming I think we'll be just fine. 

On a call today, I was reminded of a core belief of mine and a shared belief I have with this new friend: We are made for love and to offer love. If we make our vocation to love others every day of our lives, we become successful. In that line of work, nothing is beneath us. And that kind of success ensures a life that might be small, but a life that is genuinely significant. This is the beauty of life at rest.

So...

• What is your current perspective on what it means to be successful?
• Does that perspective bring you life? How?
• Is there any part of your current perspective on success that drains the life out of you?
• How does your view of success influence the way you view and treat other people?
• Do you currently experience your life as a life at rest?

Rhythms of Rest

Typing out that title and this post feel a bit ironic today. My past week has been anything but restful with work commitments, the wonderful wedding of a cherished sister-friend and loads of personal to-do's that remain undone. Can you relate? Reading that short phrase again, something wells up in me... Rhythms of rest. It is an invitation that offers me the opportunity to take a deep breath today and I invite you to join me.

Here's a little activity to engage for a few extended seconds:

• Breathe for three rounds of breath.
• Maybe even close your eyes. 
• Deep inhale; extended exhale. Again. Again.

Did you think of anything? What did that feel like? I found myself wanting more time there. You? 

I've been thinking about our dialogue about the hustle again this week and have added a new reflection to the mix. I find it interesting how we hustle, hustle, hustle and simultaneously live for the weekend. We count the days down until we're done—until we can rest or do something we really want to be doing—then we hustle some more. And maybe some of us who live with the hustle mindset never really wait for the weekend because we're still hustling when we arrive there. 

What do you think? Is that true for you or people in your life? If I consider my choices this past week, I fall into both categories. This led me to further consider my actual activities and where my decisions led me. Here's what I've uncovered:

• I'm physically exhausted.
• I'm behind on a lot of stuff and have questions about how I'm practically going to stay focused and organized in order to get it all done.
• I haven't set aside enough time for my spiritual practices and I feel a little wonky.
• I miss my friends and need good connecting points right now.
• I've allowed some of my time to be swallowed up in analyzing relational realities and unfinished business instead of creating solutions and taking action.

I encourage you to take a few moments to quiet yourself and jot down a few thoughts of your own.

• What do you notice as you consider your activities from this past week?
• If you could recap your week by describing any tension you might be experiencing in a single sentence, what would you say? 

I'd say: I'm so physically drained that it's hard to be present and get things done because I just want to sleep, BUT I feel tension about taking the time to sleep because I have so much to do! Gah!

Does that resonate with anyone out there? Even if your tension is different, I imagine it has something to do with what you think you need to do and what is actually needed. This can be a place where we get stuck and then maybe we keep hustling just to keep the hustle alive instead of embracing a mindset and rhythm of rest.

So here's a question to consider... Where will I make space in my daily life to uncover where my decisions are leading me? I can break it down further by asking myself:

1. What am I doing right now?
2. Why am I doing that?
3. Where is this decision/activity leading me?
4. Is what I'm doing right now getting me where I want to be?
5. If not, what step will I take to get there in the healthiest way possible?

Choosing to live in this way creates a posture that ensures I'm resting well into my decisions by living with intentionality in my little yes's and no's. These decisions extend into my thought-life:

• What am I saying yes to in my thoughts?
• What am I saying no to in my thoughts?

Every day we make agreements inside of our heads. Our feelings follow these agreements. Our actions follow these feelings.

• Where are your thoughts leading you?
• Do they lead to a posture of hustle?
• Do they lead to a posture of rest?

In the long run, I think we actually accomplish more by taking stock of our thoughts and the postures they create in our lives, making decisions from there. I have definite room for improvement as I consider my last week. What about you?  

No Offense

Not so long ago, a friend of mine started a wonderful company that invites strangers around a dinner table, complete with incredible food and inspiring conversation. Early on, I helped as a guest hostess and carefully selected questions to ask the guests that ranged from light to deep, funny to thoughtful. I still have a couple favorites, but near the top of my list is this one: If you had the authority to enact a law that everyone would have to abide by for one day, what law would you choose?

My response was always the same: For one day, no one can be offended. That's it. No matter what happens on the road, at home, in the office, and perhaps more pointedly these days, no matter what someone posts on social media, you cannot be offended by any person, any words a person utters, or by any circumstance—nothing. Imagine it for a minute. Not a single living person chooses offense for one whole day. What would it be like?

Seriously... 

See, another friend and leader I admire taught me something about living free from offense over the past few years. It's a pilgrimage I've begun and honestly, it's still rocky terrain. Each day I interact with people and encounter circumstances that create environments that foster offense. Some days, knowingly or unknowingly, I'm the initiator of offense for others. And, sometimes I take the bait from others. An actual slight or an imagined one, I pick it up and dwell on it, pay it forward, you name it.

But what if I walked in so much personal transformation that I could look at the thing coming toward me and allow it to remain outside? What if I had different lenses in the moment the bait was dangled? What would life be like then?

If I picture an offense like a small ball flying through the air at me, I have a few choices: I can let it hit me, I can catch it. or I can adjust my posture and let it fly past. For many years, I've chosen one of the two initial options. I found it hard to let the offense fly by because it was actually drawn to something inside of me. Perhaps it had to do with justice, a wrong being set right. Often, I noticed that my personal values were in direct opposition to what was coming toward me. Sometimes the words or the circumstances just plain hurt and I wasn't sure why. Regardless, I had to heal from the impact. Other times, I was able to catch the offense without much damage, but holding it meant something to me, so I refused to drop it. And, in less lovely moments I threw it right back at the other person.

The more I live from a whole place, in understanding what is being triggered inside of ME from words or actions I experience from others, the greater my ability to let potential offenses fly past. At times, I've been able to look at the person in front of me and verbalize, "Hey, that doesn't sound like you... What is it that you're feeling or experiencing right now?" Other times, I've seen how I could have picked something up when there was no ill-motive or intent being exercised by the person in my path. My own story contributed to the way I viewed a word or action, but the person I was interacting with genuinely meant nothing by it. 

Walking free from offense is a process. I'm learning to ask questions, mostly of myself. What's going on? What has happened today or this week that could be stirring up this feeling? What's the thought connected to that feeling?

A bit of self-diagnosis can go a long way when it comes to living more freely. It can even create space to move into a meaningful moment with another human. A world filled with people who also steer clear from being offended sounds pretty well worth the effort required to live this way. And no offense, but it starts with you and me making the choice to refrain from choosing to be offended each and every day...  

Rebuild to Restore

We're still talking a lot about walls these days and continuing to build them between one another to boot. There's a very poetic statement made by a man called Isaiah who lived long ago. He says, "You will be called the repairer of broken walls, the restorer of streets where people live." I wonder about the meaning of his words a lot these days. 

Judgment and condemnation are still easy choices for us right now. Our assumptions tend toward the worst as we inhale soundbites and regurgitate them all in the same breath. That bit might be sort-of impressive if it weren't so sad. I wonder how we move forward and when we'll genuinely decide that the fighting just isn't worth it anymore. And, not because the causes don't matter, but because we begin to see how they matter more than we know. 

The walls this man spoke of were walls of protection, previously existing boundary lines that had been removed through violence. Restoring them meant ushering people back into safety and care. Restoring them meant bringing people home to experience life. 

Home is a powerful reality. We can actually offer it wherever we go. It's meant to be a place of belonging, a refuge, an experience of being seen and a place to contribute. Not everyone grew up in safety, I know. But consider the ability we have in our lives to create spaces and environments where people are welcomed, restored, known and cared for well. Imagine what happens when, as individuals and business owners and employees and community members, we stand and say, "Hey, you're valuable... Help me to understand." And, "Let me help." And, "Here's how you can help." We're all needed, after all.

If you haven't guessed, this won't come as a surprise: I'm so weary of the "us" and "them." The worst of them on a bad day is all of us. The best of them on a good day is all of us. We're connected in ways that we can't measure. By the way, It works the other way around, too.

Instead of pointing out problems, let's design solutions. Let's ask questions. Let's get out of our comfort zones and go meet one of "them."  

Let's choose to rebuild and restore people back into life. Let's rebuild the walls of protection. Let's dismantle, not establish, structures that prevent people from experiencing safety and care. Let's get to work restoring the streets where people live by being good neighbors in whatever neighborhood we find ourselves in that day. Let's create companies that give back to our communities with a genuine intention for care and connection. Let's consider the true ramifications of our decisions on those around us. 

We wake up each morning with a fresh opportunity to contribute health and wholeness to the world. Our contribution begins in our very thoughts and the intention we choose for the day—for ourselves and the people we encounter. We can change so much simply by living powerful lives of restoration and care. It all begins with our personal decision to unwaveringly demonstrate our freedom. We can design new realities that ensure home is a protected place for all life to flourish. Let's get to it.