On Purpose: Full of Joy

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

—Theodore Roosevelt—

Whether I like to admit it or not, I compare myself to other people daily. Social media makes it really easy, but so does real life. For me, I often notice: the way people carry themselves and what they might be feeling, who is listened to and who is ignored, the ways people spend their money based on what they present to the world (on-or-off-line), who gets the answer right, who gets the laughs, and who gets the attention. I also notice who is attached and who isn't. Who cares about their health, environment, the type of tribe they belong to and who doesn't.

My list goes on and on...

What's your list like? What would you include that stands out most about what you notice?

More than not, these noticings are subconscious and under the radar, but I've been making an effort to notice my noticing more and more over the years. It's quite amazing to gain an understanding of how much time and energy I actually spend comparing as I notice. Even more astounding, is the level of engagement these comparisons actually steal from the rest of my life.

It's not that noticing is bad. In fact, we learn a lot about how to respond to any given situation by noticing the people, place and the happenings therein. But when we process what we notice in a way that leads us to view ourselves as higher than another person or lower than another person, Cloud and Townsend call this positioning "one up/one down," we're in trouble.

First, it's a boundary issue. Each of us is made uniquely and therefore, offer the world a wonderful variety of thoughts, resources and personal expressions that make life richer for us all. Choosing to see someone as higher or lower than ourselves means that we're either diminishing ourselves or another. We're saying, on the one hand, "You're more valuable than me" or, on the other, "I'm more valuable than you." The truth is, every one of us is valuable beyond measure and comparison steals the beauty of the unique and necessary role each person plays in the world.

Second, spending time and energy comparing means we have employed those same resources in a way that produced well, what exactly?... Fear, anxiety, depression, pride, shame, isolation, and anger are on my short list. What about yours? How has that turned out for you?

Comparison has been a bad friend to me over the years. It has stirred up feelings of self-doubt, attacked my confidence, invited a belief that I don't belong, and more. Comparison has helped me build tall walls between myself and others. It has left me isolated and alone once those walls were built. Comparison has lied to me, telling me how I'm not enough, I'll never be good enough, or equally as terrible, that I'm better than... 

When I live with a posture to compare, I miss giving my all to living my purpose, on purpose. When I'm focused on what I have and don't have, I miss out on utilizing that cherished time and energy creating, cultivating and investing in people and projects that will move the vision and mission forward today. When I compare myself to others, I miss simply enjoying them for who they are! Instead of sizing them up, I could just be their friend. What a change that would be in the world...

The thing is, the world needs us to live on purpose and encourage those in our path to do the same! When we know who we're made to be and how we're to live that out, we can freely offer our gifts and talents to the world and create the solutions we so desperately need today.

And, I'll tell you what, joy is a natural by-product of a life lived on purpose. When we end that awful friendship with Comparison, the joy that flows out of us creates momentum in and around us. When we're focused on living our best life, we will embrace others for who they are and encourage them to do the same. We're not worried about being one up or one down, rather we're focused on making our very best contribution and automatically positioned to help someone else make theirs. 

So... In the past 24 hours:

• Have you compared yourself to someone else?
• Whom?
• What did you notice about them in the comparison? 
• What thoughts or feelings about yourself surfaced as you processed what you noticed?
• Were they positive or negative thoughts or feelings?
• What happened after you had the thought(s) or feeling(s)?
• Did it help you or harm you?
• Did it help them or harm them?
• What might this interaction have to do with living your purpose?

Let's move forward into a life of purpose and joy, shall we? I promise it's astonishingly lovely there. There's nothing quite like it, after all... 

On Purpose: Your Talents

I had the privilege of experiencing a modern parable a few weeks back. Early in the morning, I arrived at a place in the city where I spend time each week. Having not planned well for breakfast, I popped into a local spot and purchased an egg and cheese biscuit. On my way in, I noticed two men outside and wondered if they'd like some breakfast. I let the thought pass for the moment, unsure if the gesture might be taken well. But even after I purchased just one, I kept thinking about purchasing a total of four biscuits and wondered why. 

A short while later, I was outside munching on mine, taking in the surrounding area while watching cars pass by as people headed to their work for the day. Another man approached from a side street and took a seat nearby. I thought, "Ah, four biscuits..." I made my way back to the restaurant and ordered the additional three. 

Taking them outside, I walked to the man who had most recently arrived. "Good morning!" I said. "I wondered if you'd like some breakfast?" He quickly pulled away from me and placed a hand up between the two of us. His "No," was firm and insistent. I felt a bit surprised, but shook my head in understanding, smiled and wished him a good day. I had three biscuits remaining.

I next approached the second man who sat on another bench close by. Repeating my greeting, he looked up, adjusted his headphones so he could hear me and I proceeded to ask my question. He looked first to me, then to the bag and shrugged his shoulders saying, "Okay." I handed him the biscuit, smiled and wished him a good day. I had two biscuits remaining.

The third man sat apart, further across the plaza. I approached him and noticed he was sleeping. Hating to interrupt but determined to offer him breakfast, I said, "Excuse me..." He woke with a start, then eased. I repeated the greeting I'd offered to the others. He leaned closer and asked a question I didn't understand at first. He softly asked again, "Do you think I should try it?" His eyes were full of kindness and curiosity. I was caught off guard by his manner and his question as I replied, "Oh yes... I mean, I think they're very good. I got it from right over there..."

Shaking his head in agreement, I smiled broadly, "Oh, there are two in here and they're both for you if you'd like them..." He accepted. I introduced myself and asked his name. Giving him the biscuits, I wished him a good day and left shortly thereafter. I had no biscuits remaining.

This entire experience got me thinking again about our talents. Each of us is offered something in this life which, in turn, gives us something to offer back. If we consider the biscuits as talents entrusted to us, like the first man, we can dismiss the invitation to take hold of them and thereby refuse the enjoyment that comes from using them.

Like the second man, perhaps some of us lay hold of our talent, but we're sort-of neutral about having it. Maybe we're glad to have the talent, but we don't think much of the gift or understand the intention behind it. Perhaps it doesn't really matter beyond what we can personally gain from it.

Like the third man, perhaps we want to know more. We show genuine curiosity and interest in the offering. We seek to understand what it is before taking hold of it with delight.

Who do you relate to in this story?

I was really inspired by the third man. He sought to relate to me over the gift and when he took it as his own, his face showed the delight of the moment. I promise that I do not hold judgment for the other two men, it's just that my experience with the third man stirred something inside of me. I honestly wished that I had more biscuits to give to him. It was a joy to be generous with him because he took interest in the gift and received it in a way that totally increased the joy of the encounter. 

My experience also caused me to reflect on what it means to reject or embrace our talents. In the first man's case, he was given nothing because he had no interest in it. Though the gift was right there for the taking and there are many ways he could have used it, not only did he refuse the offer, but he rejected any good that may have come from its acceptance. 

The second man received one talent. He could easily use it to take care of his personal need and be satisfied. He could also enjoy part and share a part of it. He immediately had at least a couple of options when it came to next steps. His decision to take hold of it mattered. It opened up new possibilities for him.

The third man gained even more talents. Given his openness that led to my desire to give him both, he was securely positioned to share what he had been given. Not only because of the number of talents he received but because he gained understanding about what he was receiving. He could take the knowledge and do even more with it.

In a way, I started with nothing, too. I was given the opportunity to step into more because I faced a personal need. That very need led me to consider the needs I noticed around me. Not only that but when my need was being met, I was again confronted by the needs of those around me and I felt more care for the people in my path. This moment was the opportunity to grasp the "more." For me, the "more" led me to greater joy, connection, and hope because it led me outside of myself and toward others. All of this from four little biscuit sandwiches... 

The beauty of all of the above is how none of it required any sort of grand plan or use of extensive resources. It required eyes to see and a willingness to connect and share. I still think I'm the one who gained the most from the experience that morning. Those men and those delicious biscuit sandwiches reminded me of the greater impact that can come when I employ my own talents in small, but purposeful ways. 

So...

• What need, large or small, is being highlighted in your life right now?
• Does anyone else around you have a similar need? (Note: You might have to guess at it/make an assumption and move outside your comfort zone to understand more.)
• What would it look like for you to employ who you are, or the talent(s) you've been given, to see your own need met as well as the needs of another?

When it comes down to it, I honestly believe that living our purpose simply involves us living with open eyes and hearts. You'll notice different things in your environment than I would. When you and I joyfully step into these places of opportunity, we offer something so unique and important to the world around us. Our talents matter. Whether time, actual abilities, resources, etc... 

As a quick aside, other people's responses don't limit your ability to offer your talents. People are where they're at for a reason. We can embrace and love them right then and there regardless of their receptivity to us. A friend of mine often says how there's always one more thing about someone else's story that we don't know... We can choose to stay in hope and joy even when the response is not what we expect (or desire). 

Now... What do you say that you and I get to work employing and sharing our talents today? I can't wait to hear what you learn and who you connect with as you step out, on purpose. 

Our Purpose: Personal Health

Last weekend was an absolute blur. Packed from start to finish with people plans, I marveled at my capacity to do it all. I've recently adjusted my weekly work rhythm and in this type of season, I'm typically more tired than not. But not last weekend. I felt energized, present in my life, and despite a blip of disappointment that arrived on my radar, hopeful.

Sunday morning a friend came over for coffee. I was up early to try my hand at converting my favorite protein-packed snack recipe from banana nut into pumpkin muffins. Baking away, I noticed how happy I was to be trying something new by expanding my options for a healthy on-the-go bite in my week. It was fun to be back in the kitchen and to later share those muffins, coffee, and stories with my friend.

I don't know about you, but I often experience seasons when I'm a little more aware of my physical health. My nutritional choices play a huge part in how I feel from day to day, of course, but I realize taking care of myself can be more involved than that. Personally, I like to give myself room to flex on how I maintain personal health from one season to the next. I'm someone who needs change to stay engaged. Some people need stability and more of an ongoing routine. Staying healthy has so much to do with knowing how we're wired and what is good for us in the season we're in.

My schedule change has me up between 5 and 5:30 AM these days. I had no idea how welcome this adjustment would be for me. My most alert and productive time is in the morning hours and I the shift has me working well with who I am. It has afforded me an earlier bedtime which has me feeling more rested overall. The quiet mornings have helped me to feel less rushed and more focused on what my day will become. Even after a long day of work appointments, I'm coming home and feeling energized to get out for a walk and picking up the house! And, instead of opting for more time alone after extra full days, last night I even reached out to a friend to see if she'd get out on that walk with me.

On top of this, I've been pretty aware of my sugar intake recently (including alcohol). I've decided to cut back again and focus more on eating natural sugars and getting more whole foods into my body. Don't get me wrong, you will see me with chocolate in hand here and there. I'm just choosing less of it right now. This decision has freed me up to say a good "yes" and a good "no" in my days. It has also created the space for me listen to that inner voice that tells me when I'm making a choice from a motive that will lead into life or death. All of this has left me feeling very encouraged.

If you can't tell, I'm sort of marveling at it all right now. I don't know about you, but sometimes I forget how simple it can be to have my needs met. Sometimes, a simple schedule change or the decision to give more attention to what I'm putting into my body is all I need to move forward with ease. I'm feeling freshly inspired as a result of these small adjustments. This inspiration has cultivated new ideas and solutions for the circumstances I'm facing both personally and professionally. 

To me, that's how all of this connects back to living on purpose... It's incredibly valuable to look at basic realities like our sleeping and waking time, our nutrition and our physical activity levels to make the necessary tweaks that will free us up into more energy and more hope in our days. When we're taking care of our personal health, we're positioning ourselves to create the future we're dreaming of and working towards. It's all connected. 

So...

• What practical steps are you taking to care well for yourself in the season you're in? Or: What practical steps will you take to care well for yourself in the season you're in?
• Consider the week ahead. Is there anything in your life/schedule that you will tweak to ensure you're rested, filled with energy and hope?

Take good care of yourself, won't you? You matter. Don't forget.

On Purpose: Imagine Your "More"

Sitting to write out a note to my friend in celebration of her birthday, I found myself penning, "MORE" as I thought of my hopes for her new year of life. I wondered what this idea of "MORE" would mean to her as she considered her present circumstances and the possibilities ahead. I started to dream on her behalf, imagining a greater freedom in the pieces of life and relationships that bring her the most energy and joy. I smiled thinking of what could be on the horizon for her. Of course, she is ultimately responsible for her "MORE" but I liked considering it, nonetheless. 

The whole process got me thinking... Are we all reaching for more? And not by striving in the way that the world around us tells us to, per say. Often, that type of "more" tends to represent more money, belongings or more success that can be defined in a way that keeps us hustling and never really living in rest. But what I mean is, OUR more. The positive "What if's" and the outlook that keeps us holding tightly to hope and awe. I could use a little more awe in my life... What about you?

Side note: if your "more" involves money or success in your career, please hear me well when I say that these can be worthy endeavors! I think it all comes back to our motivations. And, our motives can be linked to lovely and honorable things. We just have to be honest with ourselves about our actual "Why." 

A few days into these considerations, I was at the home of a friend who has several lovely orchids. I noticed a fallen blossom and picked it up to examine it. Even in the midst of being disconnected from the vine and a bit withered, I was struck by its beauty. The ivory bloom still brought joy and a sense of delight in its detached state. Every metaphor will fail at some juncture, of course, but here's what occurred to me... When we stay connected with the part of us that longs for the mysterious unfolding of our purpose in our daily lives, we position ourselves to grasp this "More." Thankfully, there can still be beauty and joy in life without it, but by remaining attached to our purpose, and our hope, we step into a whole new level of vibrancy in our lives.

This begs the question: If it is indeed possible for us to thrive continually in our lives, why don't we stay connected to the "more?"

While there are many reasons, I imagine some include...

• We've been burned when we've risked for the "more" in the past.
• Life has gotten in the way, somehow.
• People have failed us.
• We've set our expectations upon an outcome that hasn't come to pass.
• We've hoped and we've found ourselves disappointed.
• We've encountered a storm and the aftermath has left us exhausted, unable to really tap into the "more."

Reviewing this list, I think of conversation after conversation I have with people about their purpose. Each one has expressed a desire to do what they were made to do in this life, but the road hasn't always been easy. Our personal experiences can limit our ability to dream of the "more." We can be held back by our past disappointments, thought patterns, behaviors and beyond. So, when we begin to imagine our "more" we must also be willing to look at what keeps us from it. We must explore the root tendencies that keep us from staying connected to the proverbial vine so we can move forward.

So... 

• When you think about your "more," what does that list include?
• How do these hopes and dreams connect back to your purpose?
• What past experiences tell you that the "more" isn't possible? 

Take a good look this week. It's time to begin living your best life and fulfilling your purpose. And, this process starts with your willingness to say, "I want more..." Let the imagining begin!!