On Purpose: Meeting Needs

Spending time with friends and new acquaintances over the past few days has me thinking again about the challenges we're facing right now. If you're like me, you might be experiencing what I'll call "tragedy fatigue" as revelation after revelation has come into the light in the wake of people using their voices to speak up about what they've experienced in so many of our societal sectors like Arts, Media, Business, and Government. Truth be told, it feels terrible to feel so tired when a new story arrives on my radar online or through a conversation. I've wondered, "What and who will be next?" Abuse, abuse of power, lack of honor, inaction (or much-delayed action)... When will it end? Will we make a decision to seek genuine change and heal?

If any beauty can come through times like these, I believe it involves a willingness to walk in personal transformation and to be a people who are intentionally investing our time, talent and resources to meet needs which can create change. We're encountering deeply rooted pain and brokenness which has led to terrible, unending cycles in many sectors of our society. While this is tragic (and words fail, honestly), we are presented with a wonderful opportunity to see freedom come in our culture as we take note of how we're wired to meet needs and create solutions.

Personally, I've been spending time reflecting and refocusing on what I was made for in this life to combat the overwhelm of the bad news cycle. For me, spending time learning about people's stories and helping them to uncover what their life is all about directly translates into seeing cultural shifts into health and wholeness. Imagine each person in our society walking in healing and hope, knowing what they were made for in this life and getting freed up to live it because they deal with their demons. Imagine a world where we have safe places for people to unload what was done to them and what they've done to others so they might heal, make right what they're able to make right and move forward. These are some of the realities I dream about... I want to see people break free from the prisons they've found themselves in. I believe when people are free, they can do great things...

What about you? What do you dream about?

When you consider the needs that you're drawn to, I challenge you to imagine what the world would look like if those needs were met. How would lives be changed? Communities? Nations? 

Living on purpose is not for the weak of heart. Often, it involves us going into the places that are unlovely (tangible or intangible). It requires us to imagine and dream past what is currently true—we have to become people who see what's possible and step-by-step, make decisions to arrive there. Living on purpose motivates us to believe transformation is possible in the place of our calling and with the people we get to know therein. When we meet needs that we've been made to meet, life changes for all of us. It's amazing how interconnected we are really are, after all. When I process this truth, I'm motivated to do my part today... When I live on purpose, it changes the world for you somehow and vice versa. It's mystery and practicality mixed into one. 

So... 

• What needs are you noticing these days?
• How does the way you're investing your time, talent and resources directly meet those needs?
• Take time to think specifically (even write it out) about how you, by meeting that need, affect change in our society... That picture is going to be pretty cool... I just know it!

The world needs us to be the people we're made to be in this life. Like, today. There are so many opportunities for beauty and freedom to advance right now. Let's get to work meeting needs and creating the resolutions necessary to end bad cycles. I'm so glad to be in it with you all.

Storms: Onward

Image:  Photo by Max Langelott on Unsplash

The storm has come. It has passed. We've taken initial stock of what transpired as a result. We have rested and reflected. And now, onward... But what does that really mean?

One consistent thread I've noticed throughout my life is how from one storm to the next, I've figured out how to move forward. Life goes on, right? But I haven't always moved through the pieces of my experience in health or to fully heal. I used to live under a banner that said, "Get over it." This perspective set me into behavior where I "stuffed" what was real and didn't allow myself the space I needed to truly move forward as the storm wrapped up. Have you ever been there? You're over any thought of the storm and all you want to do is pick up the pieces and get out of there? BUT... 

• What if the storms we face in our lives actually position us to move onward into the best of lands?
• What if we glean from our experiences and allow them to transform us for the better?
• What if hope reigns and we put disappointment and any defeat imposed upon us in the wake of the storm away from us? 

It's not to say that we invalidate our experiences. No, not in the least. In fact, without looking deeply into what a storm triggered in us, took from us and how it has shaped us, we would miss the treasure altogether. But what if we legitimately decide that storms have no power to define us in any way that steals life and hope from us moving forward? 

Maybe it seems ridiculous or naive to live with this perspective. Perhaps you're not sure how to walk in this as your reality. If there's one thing I continue to learn over and over and over again in this life, it's that there's always another layer to uncover in my process of growth and transformation. Change occurs one step at a time, after all. To me, this is how we get to the place where we weather the storm in health and rest and ready ourselves for the "Onward!" 

At the end of the day, what it comes down to is our belief systems. If we give power to the storms we face in this life to devastate us, they will. It's not that life isn't filled with devastating circumstances. It's about our willingness and ability to be devastated by them. We are profound creatures. Our make-up is one of strength and courage. What we set our minds to, for good or bad, we achieve. Our perspectives literally shape our world!! 

And, instead of "handling" a storm by blaming our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors on our circumstances, what if we learned to take responsibility for them despite our circumstances? By taking responsibility for our response to what's happening (or what has happened), we tend to focus more on what we can do to move forward. We get creative, we develop solutions, we seek help, we heal. Plus, we are less likely to hurt the people around us as we navigate our way forward.

It's important to pause here and say: Sometimes we're literally in survival mode and don't have the capacity to sort through all of these layers, though. If you're there, it's okay. This just isn't the last word for you. You may need to come back when you're more fully rested to take a look at what your experience meant to you and go from there. It's a process...

Our individual journeys through each storm will be shaped by the growth and transformation experienced in the last. If we allow it, we grow stronger each time a new storm passes. Our feelings and experiences are valid. We just cannot allow them to rule us. I think we can learn this well over time. It also never hurts to have people in our lives who love us and are willing to tell us the truth. They are beacons of hope who can point out valuable "noticings" to us about our own experience and responses. When we think of moving onward, bringing them into dialogue about what that means and how that might look can be an invaluable decision.

So...

• Will you allow the storms in your life to position you to step into the best of lands by believing that the best is yet to come despite present circumstances?
• Will you allow the storms in your life to shape you for the better by allowing your character to be shaped and molded for the positive in the experience?
• Will you stay in hope by refusing to befriend disappointment and any suggestion that this storm marks your defeat as a person?

Let's dig deep into our experiences. Let's take responsibility for our responses. Let's heal for real. ONWARD.

Storms: Horizons of Hope

In the week or so leading up to Irma, I found it difficult to want to stay connected on social media. Words like catastrophic, monster, and devastating were being used to describe the impending storm. Fear was rising and spread like wildfire as people began to express their growing anxiety. With each new detail offered about the hurricane and the path it might take, preparation, evacuation and the safety of loved ones became a prominent focus. 

Offline, a friend's dad reported watching as a baker was delivering bread to the shelves of a local grocery store when he was rushed by a crowd, who picked the bread out of his hands before he had a chance to complete his work. News reports and social media posts showed stores emptied of water and lines of people waiting for resources that would help them to weather the storm. The perspective continually offered was one of lack—all of the build-up was incredible, honestly. 

It's not that it was a bad idea to stay informed and prepare for the storm. There's so much wisdom in doing what we know to be good and right when we have the means to see the storm on the horizon, after all. Personally, I had to limit my intake of the information and dialogue, though because panic and fear aren't life-giving friends. And, most of the news and the language used was positioned from those mindsets. Getting caught up in it seemed like a trap. 

When counseling and coaching people through fear and anxiety, I encourage them to let their thoughts go into the worst-case scenario. What if that terrible thing DID happen? How would you process through it? What would life become in the aftermath?

The truth is, there were some in our communities who experienced those very things. Our greatest fears about the storm and the damage it might cause became their reality. Perhaps we know these dear ones personally—their loss is unimaginable and we can now come alongside them in it. Perhaps we don't know them personally. While we might feel compassion from a distance, we may also feel thankful that it wasn't us... It's strange and messy to process through these complex experiences of grief and gratitude.

That said, most of us didn't experience our worst-case scenarios and I've been wondering where that leaves us as new storms will certainly emerge on the horizon in the future. Specifically, I wonder: 

• Did fear serve me? How?
• Did anxiety help me? How?
• What decisions did I make that left me without peace and hope as the storm approached?
• At the end of the day, did those decisions make my life better? Did those decisions make life better for the people I love?

I consider the same questions for the storms we are not prepared for in this life. When an unexpected storm is upon us, a different sort of fight or flight response is initiated for survival, but our choice to notice what's happening and live in fear and anxiety remains.   

In the past month or so, I've been adjusting my personal focus to the positive "What If's..."

• What if we make it?
• What if the damage won't be nearly as bad as the projections say?
• What if this is an opportunity for me to care well for the people around me?
• What if I bring peace into this scary situation? 
• What if the worst happens... And, what if this "seeing" is an opportunity for me to reconnect to what's most important right now?

As you look back at your experiences over the past few weeks, then around you to notice the storms you're currently facing, and finally, ahead of you, noticing the storms you see developing on the horizon, I encourage you to take stock of how you're processing through them.

Will you choose to befriend fear, anxiety, and panic?

Or...

Will you choose to befriend peace?

We really can maintain a hopeful view of the storm on the horizon, regardless of the anticipated outcome.

No Offense

Not so long ago, a friend of mine started a wonderful company that invites strangers around a dinner table, complete with incredible food and inspiring conversation. Early on, I helped as a guest hostess and carefully selected questions to ask the guests that ranged from light to deep, funny to thoughtful. I still have a couple favorites, but near the top of my list is this one: If you had the authority to enact a law that everyone would have to abide by for one day, what law would you choose?

My response was always the same: For one day, no one can be offended. That's it. No matter what happens on the road, at home, in the office, and perhaps more pointedly these days, no matter what someone posts on social media, you cannot be offended by any person, any words a person utters, or by any circumstance—nothing. Imagine it for a minute. Not a single living person chooses offense for one whole day. What would it be like?

Seriously... 

See, another friend and leader I admire taught me something about living free from offense over the past few years. It's a pilgrimage I've begun and honestly, it's still rocky terrain. Each day I interact with people and encounter circumstances that create environments that foster offense. Some days, knowingly or unknowingly, I'm the initiator of offense for others. And, sometimes I take the bait from others. An actual slight or an imagined one, I pick it up and dwell on it, pay it forward, you name it.

But what if I walked in so much personal transformation that I could look at the thing coming toward me and allow it to remain outside? What if I had different lenses in the moment the bait was dangled? What would life be like then?

If I picture an offense like a small ball flying through the air at me, I have a few choices: I can let it hit me, I can catch it. or I can adjust my posture and let it fly past. For many years, I've chosen one of the two initial options. I found it hard to let the offense fly by because it was actually drawn to something inside of me. Perhaps it had to do with justice, a wrong being set right. Often, I noticed that my personal values were in direct opposition to what was coming toward me. Sometimes the words or the circumstances just plain hurt and I wasn't sure why. Regardless, I had to heal from the impact. Other times, I was able to catch the offense without much damage, but holding it meant something to me, so I refused to drop it. And, in less lovely moments I threw it right back at the other person.

The more I live from a whole place, in understanding what is being triggered inside of ME from words or actions I experience from others, the greater my ability to let potential offenses fly past. At times, I've been able to look at the person in front of me and verbalize, "Hey, that doesn't sound like you... What is it that you're feeling or experiencing right now?" Other times, I've seen how I could have picked something up when there was no ill-motive or intent being exercised by the person in my path. My own story contributed to the way I viewed a word or action, but the person I was interacting with genuinely meant nothing by it. 

Walking free from offense is a process. I'm learning to ask questions, mostly of myself. What's going on? What has happened today or this week that could be stirring up this feeling? What's the thought connected to that feeling?

A bit of self-diagnosis can go a long way when it comes to living more freely. It can even create space to move into a meaningful moment with another human. A world filled with people who also steer clear from being offended sounds pretty well worth the effort required to live this way. And no offense, but it starts with you and me making the choice to refrain from choosing to be offended each and every day...  

Kicking Fear to the Curb

Fear seems to be running rampant in our days, these days. Current events and looming transitions are profound and we must take notice of what we see, hear and experience around us. Perhaps more importantly, I find myself noticing what's within—my own thoughts and feelings. Then I take note of how I am acting as a result of these thoughts and feelings.

When fear rises, I have been asking this question: "What thought has triggered this feeling of fear?" It's a self-diagnostic—an opportunity to conduct a check-up on where my thoughts are leading me. I continue to find the practice helpful.

Our fears have the ability to rule us. We can also dismiss them and fail to take stock of the "why" behind them. To me, either option is a great disservice we pay to ourselves and the people around us. When we live into one extreme or the other, we miss out on life.

So today, I'm inviting you to join me in further assessing these fears. If you're like me, sometimes they seem like a ball made of rubber bands. In order to understand what exists at the core of my fear, I must begin to look at each, pulling one apart from the others to investigate it individually. 

Consider taking out a sheet of paper or opening up a new note in your phone. Write down the name of each fear you can identify today (or a phrase that describes it) and then ask yourself the questions below for each fear you've captured. If this feels overwhelming, investigate a single fear and see how you feel before continuing onto the next. Really give yourself permission to take time with this process.

*Note: if you've experienced trauma in your life and haven't processed through it in counseling or another healing setting, I encourage you to walk through this process with a professional or with a trusted and deeply mature friend.

• What is the name or the sense I have of this fear?
• When is the first time I experienced it? This might not come to you right away as you reflect—that's okay. Take as long as you need to remember.
• What was happening around me or to me in that moment? Consider what you saw, heard, smelled, touched, etc.
• What did I feel in that moment? Describe it. This is important.
• What did I do when I felt afraid that day? What do I wish I would have done instead (if anything)?
• What happened next?
• Who was with me? 
• Did someone help? Who was it?
• Did someone add to my experience of fear in that moment? Who was it?
• What did this fear teach me about myself and other people?
• What decision, vow, or agreement did I make in light of what I experienced that day?
• Is that decision, vow or agreement the truth?
• If not, what is the truth?

This is deep stuff. It's okay if you hit something really tender. We can only heal when we engage our wounds and seek to understand what is underneath them. In my life, I have found, time and again, that I have made an agreement in a place of pain. That agreement has kept me trapped in a cycle of brokenness. Whenever I'm triggered by a fear that connects back to that unhealed piece of my story, I hurt all over again.

There is so much hope, though. Our fears can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves and others. The key is to understand the choices we've made and continue to make from the place of pain. New decisions can be made as we see the truth and apply it. We can heal. When we heal, we can help others. It's pretty amazing, actually. 

Here are a few additional questions I find valuable:

• What new decisions will I make when I am triggered so I can continue to walk in healing? e.g. What thought will I now think in order to replace the old thought with the truth?
• Who might walk with me in this process? (We all need help and encouragement.)
• What has this fear taught me about what is real and important?
• Why does that matter to me? Why might that matter to the world?

If you didn't sit with someone as you processed these questions, I highly encourage you to share what you've uncovered with a trusted friend. Talk through the stories and the agreements you've noted. Share how you see yourself living out that fear today and share what triggers you've noticed, as well. Invite their help to take steps toward what is true and good. When we encounter love, fear is driven out. Fear cannot exist where perfect love exists.

Let's choose to kick fear to the curb in 2017... The world needs our courageous actions, motivated out of abiding love and hope, more than ever before. Let's walk in healing, peace and freedom and bring love everywhere we go!